I get it.
It can be hard to know (for sure) if your partner really is THE ONE.
Especially during the honeymoon period.
You get on like a house on fire, and they seem perfect in every way. Showering you with gifts, surprising you with romantic gestures, and even ticking all the boxes in the bedroom department.
But if it’s early days, chances are you’re seeing the relationship through rose-tinted glasses (and may not have a totally objective view).
Even if you’ve been together for a while, it’s still hard to know if they really have the potential to be your soulmate.
Well, one BIG giveaway is how kind they act (both towards you and others).
Here’s the thing.
Being kind, considerate, and warm-hearted isn’t something you can really hide. The cracks will start to appear a mile away.
And kindness is a great barometer for what type of person they truly are.
With that said, here are six things that genuinely kind people NEVER do in relationships.
Can you spot any in your partner?
1) Disrespect you (and others)
Now let’s get something straight.
I’m not talking about occasional banter or playful teasing. This is flirting! (and is something entirely different).
I’m talking about constantly bringing you down, either through public humiliation, ridicule, or by behaving in an inconsiderate manner.
And that’s not all.
You may also notice them disrespecting others.
You see, this is their problem (not yours).
It could be a sign that they are insecure or lack confidence. They may lash out and belittle others to make themselves feel better.
Whatever the reason, consistently acting disrespectfully is a big red flag and probably means they’re not very kind individuals. Proceed with caution!
2) Lie through their teeth
Speaking of disrespect, telling fibs is a prime example!
You have to remember…
The foundation of any relationship is trust. If they can’t even get the basics right and be straight with you, they’re not a kind person (and chances are, things won’t last).
Now don’t get me wrong.
A little white lie here or there is probably OK.
But when they start to seriously bend the facts, it’s time to move on.
You know the signs.
They come home late on several occasions and their story doesn’t check out. Or their phone blows up with DMs from random strangers and their explanation just doesn’t cut it.
They may try to mislead or twist facts in order to manipulate you. A clear sign is if you’ve done nothing wrong but come out of a confrontation feeling like the bad guy.
3) Play the blame game
We all make mistakes (I’m sure even Mother Teresa wasn’t perfect ALL the time!)
Because we’re human.
But here’s the distinction. Kind, considerate people admit fault, hold their hand up, and own their mistakes. Whereas thoughtless self-centered people always will look to blame others.
“I didn’t get that job because the interviewer was stupid.” Or “It’s your fault I cheated, you didn’t show me enough attention.”
But why do unkind people point the finger?
It’s actually a defense mechanism or emotional avoidance system kicking in. Shirking responsibility stops them from feeling discomfort (or guilt) and protects their ego.
This is especially true in relationships.
And even if they don’t directly blame others, they might still have a list of excuses as long as your arm.
4) Constantly put themselves first
I’m talking about being selfish here.
For example, you ask to borrow their car as it looks like it’s going to rain today (and you don’t want to get drenched walking home from work). But they’re super reluctant to lend it.
What they’re doing here is putting themselves first (even though there’s only a slim chance they actually need the car themselves).
Put it another way…
They’re being inconsiderate and cold-hearted. Certainly not kind!
And it’s not just about their precious car. Other signs include being tight with money, refusing to give up their time for you (or your passions in life), and generally being stubborn and uncompromising.
Most people understand that relationships are all about compromise. Give and take. Collaboration.
But unfortunately, this is something unkind people can’t get their heads around.
In fact, they might even…
5) Keep score
I’m amazed that some people actually go there, but it happens more often than you’d think.
Keeping score is when someone tracks what their partner does and compares it to things they’ve done.
Like somehow there’s an invisible balance sheet in every relationship. And it needs to be neutral at the end of the month or there’s debt to pay.
For example, doing the dishes, buying the groceries, or even more serious financial matters like who earns the most money.
Here’s the problem.
When you start to keep score in a relationship, you’re no longer on the same team. In fact, it can feel like you’re in direct competition with your partner.
And chances are, you’ll have a negative bias and focus on what they HAVEN’T done (overlooking all the stuff they have actually done for you).
This can brew up over weeks and months until it explodes in a fiery (and extremely petty) confrontation.
Kind people understand this and never keep score in a relationship. Instead, they embrace being on the same team and support their partner through thick and thin.
6) Interrupt you (like, all the time)
We’ve all been there.
You’re mid-way through an amusing anecdote, but your partner cuts you off and completely changes the direction of the conversation.
They don’t even let you vent after a stressful day at work.
Leaving you feeling extremely frustrated, disrespected, and angry.
“But I’m bored listening to you…”
That’s really not the point! Kind people understand the skill of listening. And even if you don’t particularly want to hear about your partner’s terrible day in the office (for the 3rd time), it’s super important to listen.
Here’s the thing.
It’s not always for your benefit or entertainment, it’s for them.
By being there and listening to their problems, you make them feel better.
It may only take ten minutes, a small price to pay to help the person you love.