Mia Zhang
Class. You might think that itโs about the kinds of clothes you wear or the car you drive, the job you have or the house you live in.
In truth, class is much simpler โ and simultaneously much more complicated โ than that.
Itโs all about your behavior. Especially whilst youโre around other people.
So, without further ado, here are the 6 things genuinely classy women avoid doing in public.
1) Yapping loudly about private matters
Guilty as charged.
I used to be the girl whoโd vent about her private issues on a bus or in a cafรฉ (very loudly, may I add), which meant that everyone always knew my business.
They couldnโt help but overhear.
This behavior got me into a bind more times than I could count, and soon, I learned a fundamental truth: classiness was about discretion.
No, you definitely shouldnโt keep all your problems to yourself.
But you should know when to pick your time and place to share them, and whatโs more, the person you choose to confide in is of the utmost importance here.
Look, I love yapping.
But in order to become a classy woman, youโve got to carefully choose the subject and the context in which you yap.
Itโs the rules.
2) Talking rubbish behind peopleโs backs
And while weโre on the topic of yapping, letโs get our next item on the list ticked off: gossiping.
I canโt lie โ Iโm no angel. And neither are you.
We all enjoy a bit of gossip here and then. We all like to spill the tea or hear about some kind of relationship drama.
Itโs thrilling, entertaining, and more importantly, itโs bonding.
No, really. Psychologists suggest that gossip actually serves as a bonding mechanism in social groups โ itโs a bit like grooming among monkeys.
Frank T. McAndrew PhD, Cornelia H. Dudley Professor of Psychology at Knox College, says, โSharing gossip with another person is a sign of deep trust because you are signaling that you believe that this person will not use this sensitive information in a way that will have negative consequences for you. Shared secrets have a way of bonding people together.โ
But here comes the crux of the problem.
Thereโs a difference between sharing information and talking rubbish behind someoneโs back.
The first serves as entertainment and a bonding activity; the latter comes from a place of malice.
Gossip isnโt all that bad in the right context. Sh*t-talking about someone and then smiling at them once they come back in the room, howeverโฆ
Thatโs the very opposite of classiness.
3) Trauma dumping
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, trauma dumping is โthe act of telling another person or other people in a detailed way about problems and emotional pain that you have experienced, expecting them to give you sympathy and comfort, when they may not be able or willing to do this.โ
While opening up about oneโs traumas and pain can be extremely healing and helpful, it is important not to force such things on other people or to do so in situations where this kind of serious conversation may not be appropriate.
Letโs say youโre meeting up for coffee with an old friend.
Something theyโve mentioned in a casual conversation has made you think of a very painful experience you went through recently, and before you know it, youโre spilling your guts out for half an hour โ without ever checking whether the other person is okay with such a radical change of topic.
Yep, not very classy.
Classy women generally avoid trauma dumping in public.
When they do want to confide in someone, they make sure the tone of the conversation is right and that the other person seems very willing to listen and provide emotional support.
4) Losing their cool in emotionally charged situations
Next up is a vital aspect of emotional intelligence, that is, emotional self-regulation.
Keeping oneโs cool is incredibly classy. It shows level-headedness, grace, and dignity. It shows that youโre not going to let other people drag you down to their level.
If someone snaps at you, you donโt snap back. Instead, you reply with maturity and assertiveness.
If you get stuck in traffic, you donโt have a meltdown. Instead, you take a few deep breaths and practice patience.
According to psychology, some effective ways to improve oneโs emotional self-regulation are:
- Gratitude (this helps you focus on the good things in life)
- Self-distancing (this puts you in the role of an observer, helping you detach from your feelings)
- Reappraisal (this is when you reframe your current situation as positive rather than negative โ for example, waiting in traffic gives you the time to listen to your new audiobook)
- Emotional acceptance (accepting your feelings for what they are with self-compassion rather than judgment)
A classy woman knows how to recognize, name, and process her feelings in safe and productive ways.
5) Looking at their phones every five minutes
Thereโs no worse feeling than talking to someone who constantly keeps checking their phone.
It makes you feel like youโre not the priority here; like they have somewhere else to be; like the interaction isnโt as stimulating and two-sided as youโd like.
Most importantly, though, you feel disrespected. And rightfully so.
A person who canโt properly engage in conversation and has to check their phone every five minutes is someone who shows blatant disrespect for your time and energy.
Plus, theyโre being rude.
And if thereโs one thing that definitely isnโt classy, itโs got to be rudeness.
6) Oversharing on social media
Speaking of phones, the final item on our list is about how you conduct yourself online.
The internet is a public space in the same way the town square is โ everyone can see what youโre up to if you go out of your way to show your face.
This, of course, means that many people seek validation at every corner and post way too much private information about themselves.
From spamming their accounts with selfies from ten different angles to venting about their relationship issues or fishing for compliments, social media is the breeding ground for ego boosts and vanity battles.
You probably already know what Iโm about to say.
Yep, classy women donโt overshare online.
They keep their private matters to themselves.
Even if they do post on social media, they donโt overdo it โ they know how to toe the line between too little and too much.
Thus the art of classiness: balance, self-awareness, and confidence paired up with humility.
