Kiran Athar
I’m a firm believer that we don’t need to share EVERYTHING with our spouses – but we should know the important stuff about each other.
And in the time I’ve been married, I’ve come to realize what constitutes as important. I used to think, like many women, that I needed to know about all of his exes. Or how many one-night stands he’d had.
Turns out that has very little impact on a marriage – it’s actually things like his goals, triggers, and views on money that are key to understanding him as a person.
So, to create a bond that’ll last, here are 10 things every woman should know about her husband:
1) His communication style
As you can see, my priorities weren’t straight when I first met my now husband (in my defense, I was young and naive!).
But time has taught me that communication is probably the most important thing in a marriage or any relationship for that matter.
So, think about your husband….
Does he use his words or his actions to convey his feelings?
Does he like to discuss issues straight away or does he need time to process?
How does his style of communication fit in with yours?
It took us a good couple of years of arguing to realize we had different communication styles – I like to resolve arguments ASAP, whereas my partner needs some time to think before he can have a healthy conversation.
Now that we both understand each other, we clash less and can effectively work through issues when they crop up.
2) His love language
If you’re not familiar with this, it’s essentially how we show love. Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” highlights the different ways:
- Words of affirmation (lots of praise, spoken affection, and encouragement)
- Acts of service (doing things to show how much they love you, i.e, cooking when you’re tired)
- Receiving gifts (even if it’s not a special occasion)
- Quality time (outside of the usual day-to-day activities)
- Physical touch (holding hands, kisses, and lots of hugs)
Which best describes your partner? (Note – he might have two love languages).
For example, my husband is all about physical touch. I’m more about “Acts of service”….so there was an inevitable clash at the start.
But that’s why I always say that every woman should know her husband’s love language – it can save you a lot of headaches, while quickly increasing your bond!
Because once you know his love language, it’s like you’ve unlocked the secret to making him feel loved, needed, and cared for. Isn’t that worth knowing?
3) His past
Now, when we talk about his past, I’m not saying you need to know about every ex-girlfriend or every night out he had.
Instead, women should find out about:
- His upbringing
- His traumas
- His experiences throughout childhood/adolescence
- Any significant relationships (i.e, an ex-marriage or long-term partnership)
So, why does this matter?
Well, our pasts shape us. Your husband is who is because of everything that’s happened in his life up until this point. Just as you are.
By knowing the significant life events he’s been through, you’ll better understand how he thinks and operates now as an adult.
4) His dreams and goals
As well as his past, another thing every woman should know about her husband is his plans for the future.
Never, I repeat, NEVER stop checking in to see if your goals align.
It’s important to remember that initial agreements on topics like having kids or moving abroad may change over time.
And if you don’t keep sharing your goals and dreams with each other, it’s easy to start heading in different directions without realizing it.
Not to mention, by knowing his short-term/long-term goals, you’ll be in a better position to support him (and vice versa)!
5) His strengths and weaknesses
This isn’t a question most women think about when in the dating stage, but once you get to marriage, every woman should know her husband’s strengths and weaknesses, for two reasons:
So you can balance each other out and adjust your expectations accordingly.
Case in point:
My husband is great at math. He sucks at car stuff though. Now I know when I need numbers working out, I can go to him, but if the car breaks down, I’ll be sure to call a mechanic!
Knowing his strengths and weaknesses will only make your relationship stronger.
You won’t feel frustrated when he doesn’t do a great job at something because you’ll know it’s not his strong point.
Equally, you can rely on him for his strengths, making him feel more confident and needed in the process.
6) His stress triggers and coping mechanisms
Now, this next point is incredibly important – no matter how long they lie dormant under the surface, we’ve all got triggers.
And if you don’t learn about your husband early on, you’ll be in for a shock later down the line.
Whether it’s being bullied at school over his weight, a neglectful parent, or even being chased by a dog as a child, there will be something that affects him to an extreme level.
But if you know this, and take note of how he reacts to such stressors, you can either avoid them altogether or help him work through them when they do arise.
It’s the ultimate way to support him.
7) His way of recharging
At the end of a long, tiring day, what do you do to recharge your batteries?
It might be to have a glass of wine in the bath or go for a run.
If someone interrupted you during that time, you probably wouldn’t appreciate it, right?
Well, the same goes for your hubby! That’s why every woman should know her husband’s way of recharging when he’s tired or stressed.
This comes down to learning and respecting his boundaries.
If you’re able to give him the space he needs, he’ll probably show up as a better husband and partner.
Rather than resent you for demanding his attention when he needs to switch off, he’ll appreciate you understanding his needs.
8) His health history
Another thing every woman should know about her husband is his health history; whether or not you plan to have kids.
From small allergies to serious health conditions that might run in the family, it’s always wise to know this information.
After all, you’re going to be with him more than anyone else, you should know what to do if an emergency crops up!
But that’s not all…
If you know that all the men in his family die young due to heart issues, for example, you can start trying to introduce a healthier diet and lifestyle.
After all, most of us are pretty complacent with our health and need a boost from our loved ones, so your husband might just listen to you if you nag him about it enough!
9) His financial perspective
Did you know that financial issues are among the top 5 reasons why people get divorced?
It’s an uncomfortable topic that most of us shy away from, but when it comes to a marriage, both need to put their cards on the table.
If you’ve got different ideas about budgeting, saving for retirement, and what’s needed to live a comfortable life, you will run into arguments.
This is something I wish I’d found out earlier.
I tend to have a carefree attitude towards money – to me, it comes and goes, I’ll save, but I’ll also enjoy my money and plan plenty of holidays throughout the year.
My husband, however, is much more conservative with his money. He chases financial security. The idea of booking more than one holiday a year gives him anxiety.
As you can imagine, it’s been tough finding the middle ground. But that’s why it’s good to know this beforehand and to communicate about it!
10) His relationship needs
And finally, what does your husband crave in his relationship?
Does he want someone who’ll be with him 24/7? Or does he prefer a lot of alone time?
Does he enjoy having someone to look after him or is he fiercely independent?
Does he want a raging sex life or is he content with a couple of times a month?
We’ve all got our individual needs, so rather than make assumptions, find out what they are.
Chances are, if you’ve been together for a while, there will be clues. But once you know this information, it’ll make it easier to fulfill his needs and desires.
So, we’ve covered 10 things every woman should know about her husband – this list works two ways, though!
While you’re busy learning about your husband, don’t forget to share your thoughts and feelings too.
By doing this, you’ll gain a better understanding of each other and with time, create a solid, strong marriage!
