Alexandra Plesa
Emotional security is a solid foundation for well-being.
It influences not only the way you behave in romantic relationships but your interactions with others as well.
As an anxious girly, I was curious as to what exactly gives secure individuals a sense of stability and openness.
Turns out, being comfortable with yourself is a big part of the equation.
Here are 8 things emotionally secure people do that make them instantly approachable.
Want to follow in their footsteps?
Practicing these habits is job one.
1) They stay true to who they are
According to a Harvard-trained psychologist, emotionally secure people are instantly approachable because they are confident in their own skin.
Being self-assured enables them to stay authentic and behave consistently regardless of circumstances or external pressure.
This confidence stems from a deep understanding and acceptance of themselves, allowing them to navigate social interactions with ease.
When my anxious self attends a social event, I’m constantly stressed about making a good impression.
I wonder if I’m talking too loud, being too awkward, saying too little, rubbing people the wrong way.
Instead of being present and enjoying each interaction, I’m busy battling my jittery thoughts and worried about what everyone else thinks of me.
Once I get to know you, I become more chill, but approachable isn’t a word I would use to describe myself.
Emotionally secure people aren’t like that.
They know what they bring to the table, and they’re okay with people not liking them for whatever reason.
Additionally, they feel no pressure to please others, understanding that their vibe will draw the right people their way.
It must be nice.
2) They genuinely listen
I am a great listener – except for the first 10 minutes after being introduced to someone.
I will instantly forget your name. I will rehearse things in my head before I say them out loud. My mind will wonder because it’s overwhelmed.
It’s the anxiety bubbling just under the surface.
Emotionally secure individuals, on the other hand, can give new people their full attention at a moment’s notice.
They don’t stress over what they’ll say next because they know they can successfully carry on a conversation.
I’m sure that’s due to the confidence we’ve previously discussed.
Thankfully, if you’re more like me and less like them, you can get better at listening.
Stop hyperventilating on the inside and channel your energy on whoever is in front of you.
Next, make them feel like the most important person in the room:
- Make eye contact, nod, and smile like you mean it
- Don’t interrupt them; it’s impolite, and you’ll ruin the conversational flow
- Ask pertinent follow-up questions to show that you’ve been paying attention
- Try not to fidget or check your phone, as it signals impatience
- If anxious thoughts pop up, acknowledge them and redirect your attention to the speaker
3) They are empathetic
Emotionally secure people have no qualms about expressing themselves when others are around, mainly because they have a healthy relationship with their emotions.
They are self-aware and reflective, which enables them to understand others with more ease.
In other words, emotionally secure people have copious amounts of empathy.
They can put themselves in others’ shoes, and they rarely criticize someone they’ve just met.
Being in touch with their feelings allows them to approach the emotions of others with genuine acceptance.
I’m sure you’ve seen these people out in the wild.
It’s like they ooze this warm aura that makes you feel safe whenever they’re close by.
I have a friend whose presence is so calming that I basically treat our outings as spa sessions for my brain.
I know I won’t have to deal with unnecessary drama or conflict and that she’ll be able to relate to my problems and provide support.
That makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
4) They don’t jump to conclusions
Thanks to their empathy, emotionally secure people give others the benefit of the doubt.
My anxious brain loves to feel like it’s in control, so it hastily assesses strangers to figure out the best way to interact with them.
In the opposite corner, emotionally secure individuals don’t immediately jump to conclusions.
They’re not quick to judge others based on the way they’re dressed, their accent, or their appearance.
They wait to forge a connection with the person in question to venture an opinion about them.
First impressions matter, but emotionally secure people know how to look deeper in order to discover what makes you tick.
5) They have relaxed body language
Being approachable has plenty to do with body language.
When relaxed, you communicate that you’re receptive to others, so strangers are more likely to start a conversation.
When closed off, however, it keeps people at a safe distance.
Body language consists of non-verbal cues that convey a sense of ease.
A few tips on how to appear more relaxed when out and about:
- Keep your arms uncrossed and don’t create any physical barriers that may signal defensiveness (hiding behind a table, for instance, won’t get you anywhere)
- Relax your muscles, as a tense demeanor projects discomfort
- Mirror the other person’s body language to instill a sense of connection
- Use natural and open hand gestures that complement your conversation
- Make occasional eye contact with people around the room and smile
6) They aren’t afraid to set boundaries
Emotionally secure people may be welcoming and open, but they also know when to put their foot down.
They don’t let others disrespect them.
Rather, they calmly set boundaries by calling people out on bad behavior or walking away.
They prioritize their well-being and self-respect, so they are fantastic advocates for themselves.
In short, they can be assertive without being aggressive, a tremendous social skill.
Not only do they stand up for themselves, but they defend others and foster an environment where mutual respect is valued.
This makes them incredible to have around.
7) They show vulnerability
Another thing emotionally secure people do that makes them instantly approachable?
They show vulnerability.
They’re not interested in projecting a façade of someone who has everything together when that’s not the case.
They’re honest about their mistakes, shortcomings, and failures.
This encourages others to follow their lead, creating more fulfilling connections.
Their authenticity fosters trust. It signals that they are not hiding behind a carefully curated image, but willing to share their true selves.
Furthermore, they come across as relatable and promote a positive approach to setbacks, demonstrating resilience.
Speaking of positivity, we’ve reached the final point on the list.
8) They keep things positive
Emotionally secure people frequently have a positive mindset that contributes to their approachability and the quality of their interactions with others.
I like to think I’m a realist, but my anxious thoughts often send me on an all-consuming spiral that makes it trickier for me to notice all the wonder and joy in the world.
Emotionally secure individuals, meanwhile, can cut through the noise and zoom in on the positive, an ability that gives them a more optimistic outlook on life.
Positivity is contagious, so others are naturally drawn to them and their sunny demeanor.
Once you meet them, you’re instantly keen to join their permanent social circle.
Bottom line
Emotional security radiates outward, shaping how individuals relate to those around.
If you’d like to become more approachable, cultivating the habits above is an excellent start.
Soon enough, you won’t have to resort to making tedious small talk when out and about.
You’ll be dazzling strangers and building meaningful connections without giving it a second thought.
