Being emotionally mature is something we should all want to aspire to.
It allows us to be a better friend, partner, colleague, sibling and more.
So how do you know if you’re emotionally mature and what are the things that emotionally mature people never do?
These are a few things you won’t ever see emotionally mature people doing!
1) Always need to be right
First things first, you’re a human so you’re going to run into complications with other humans.
Relationships with our friends, family and lovers are complicated.
No one said it was easy!
By this very nature, there will be times that you get things wrong and you make mistakes.
There will be times where you get things terribly wrong…
…But some people (who aren’t emotionally mature) will find it hard to accept their wrongdoings.
On the other hand, you’ll never find an emotionally mature person suggesting that they’re always right.
They’ll be comfortable in suggesting that they’ve got something wrong and accept that they can do something about it to put it right.
Simply put, emotionally mature people deal with situations in a totally different way from those who aren’t emotionally mature!
Again, you’re a human human so there will be times that you do react badly to situations.
It’s wishful thinking to suggest that you’ll never overreact to something.
It doesn’t mean you’re instantly someone who’s not emotionally mature because you overreact…
However, if you find yourself overreacting consistently (and being pulled up about it by others), it might be a sign that you’re emotionally immature.
This means, you might need to put some work in to change things through more inner reflection.
You see, emotionally mature people don’t overreact to situations in a way that’s explosive and not progressive.
Instead, emotionally mature people are much more rational about situations.
In other words, they’re the sort of people who step away from situations and think about how to respond before launching into attack mode.
3) Hold grudges
A grudge means holding onto resentment and negative emotions surrounding a situation.
It might manifest as not speaking to another person or casting them ‘dirty’ looks.
These are things you won’t find emotionally mature people doing.
You see, emotionally mature people know that grudges don’t do them any good.
They’re aware that grudges cause a black cloud to linger and they only negatively impact them as the grudge holder…
…They’re also aware that grudges don’t do any good for the situation, and they don’t move something forward to a solution.
So they don’t waste their energy on them!
You could say that an emotionally mature person is aware that grudges are a waste of energy, and that they just bring them down…
…Which is why they choose to let things go consciously.
This doesn’t mean that they accept what the other person did, but it means that they don’t let it affect them day in, day out.
It might mean that they don’t talk about someone or a particular incident, or wish a person ill for what they did.
4) Deny the fact they have problems
Let’s get straight to the point:
We all have problems…
No one is free of different kinds of issues and baggage.
This is just how it is, and it’s not a negative thing to acknowledge!
Now, emotionally mature people don’t deny the fact they have problems.
Instead, they’re well aware that they have their own issues and they’re happy to accept where they’re at… And work on things!
As someone who considers themselves emotionally mature, I accept that I’m not the easiest person to be in a relationship with.
You see, I can sometimes say things in a way that’s understood to be blunt or rude… Even if it’s not my intention!
In other words, I can cause offense and come across as being intentionally rude and dismissive.
Now, I don’t deny that this happens and it’s a problematic behavior.
Instead, I accept that I need to work on the way things come out and come across, and put my hand up to say that I’m sorry about how things come out.
5) Beat themselves up
You won’t find an emotionally mature person berating themselves and putting themselves down.
Emotionally mature people know that having a good sense of self-love and compassion is important.
They don’t waste their time on putting themselves down, when they know that energy could be going forward something worthwhile!
If things go wrong and they mess up, they acknowledge that there are lessons in everything…
…And that they can try again in the future.
They focus on the fact that every situation presents another change for growth and learning, and becoming a better version of themselves.
You see, emotionally mature people know what’s done is done and that you can’t change the past so there’s no point in dwelling on it.
To emotionally mature people, it seems nonsensical to spend their time thinking about what they could have done differently…
…So they don’t spend time beating themselves up!
6) Never taking responsibility for their actions
A massive difference between emotionally mature people and those who aren’t is that the former can say ‘sorry’.
What’s more, they can say ‘sorry’ and mean it.
Simply put, emotionally mature people are able to take full responsibility for their actions and to say sorry about what they’ve done.
Although it’s not ideal to be in a situation where you’re apologizing frequently for things going wrong, it’s better to be apologizing than not to be!
I’ve learned that it’s essential to put things right when I mess up in my romantic relationship.
After the dust settles, I often find myself reaching out to say I’m sorry for my behavior and that I’m committed to working on it.
Now, I only say this when I mean it so it’s genuine and actually productive.
7) Don’t use blackmail tactics
You won’t find emotionally mature people deploying tactics that are designed to blackmail and manipulate others.
Blackmail is acted out by a person to get the upper-hand and to feel like you have control… And it’s a dangerous thing!
Emotionally mature people know this and they stay away from blackmailing at all times.
One big blackmailing tactic is the silent treatment.
It means suddenly going silent on the other person and causing them to wonder what’s going on…
…It might manifest as not responding to texts or not giving much in conversations and saying things are ‘fine’.
While the person blackmailing doesn’t communicate, the person on the receiving end can spiral into all sorts of negative places where they did wrong and why this has happened.
Now, this won’t happen between emotionally mature people.
This is because emotionally mature people don’t deploy any manipulative tactics that cause the other person to wonder what’s going on.
Instead, they’re clear with how they’re feeling.
If they need space because they’re upset, they’ll make that known… As opposed to just going silent and not saying anything.
8) They don’t take things personally
Emotionally mature people are aware that we all see the world differently.
Now, this might mean that one person thinks the way another person lives is wrong.
Unfortunately, we live in a culture where people feel like it’s acceptable to voice opinions like this…
…But emotionally people don’t take these comments personally if they come their way.
In other words, emotionally mature people have a way of brushing off negative comments that don’t serve them.
They know that everyone is entitled to their own opinions (and you bet they have them!), and they leave people to these!
You could say that emotionally mature people rise above situations.
9) They don’t assume that they know what others think
Emotionally mature people know that they can’t read minds.
You see, as much as we would all like to know what other people think, emotionally mature people know that it’s not possible.
As a result, emotionally mature people don’t waste their time by jumping to conclusions about how others are thinking.
They know that they could spend hours, days and weeks wondering what people think about them…
…But they know they’re not going to get very far, so they don’t bother.
Just like emotionally mature people don’t take things personally and waste their energy on it, they don’t waste time on assuming what others think.
Instead, they ask people outright what they’re thinking if they’re in limbo and waiting for an answer.
Simply put, emotionally mature people like to cut to the chase and understand where a situation is at…
…You won’t find them just assuming.
10) They don’t feel the need to please others
Emotionally mature people are confident in their ability to say ‘no’.
You see, if an emotionally mature person doesn’t want to do something, they’ll say it!
Rather than saying ‘yes’ and going along with something to please others, they’ll be confident in their decision to say something isn’t for them.
They won’t fumble and say ‘maybe’; they’ll just come out with ‘no!’.
Here’s the thing:
Emotionally intelligent people don’t people-please for the sake of keeping people happy, as they know it will negatively affect them.
Instead, they do what is right for them at that moment…
…And they trust their judgment!