8 things emotionally intelligent women do differently in relationships

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Relationships are no walk in the park. They’re more like an arduous climb up a mountain full of thorns, many of which you’ve planted yourself.

But trust me, the view is well worth it.

Unfortunately, not that many people get to the top. Most of them break up or divorce halfway through.

Let me tell you a secret. Those that have the highest chance of making it there have one superpower that makes everything easier – emotional intelligence, aka, the ability to understand and manage one’s emotions.

Seeing as relationships are largely based on feelings, this makes a lot of sense.

So, what do emotionally intelligent women do differently in relationships? These are the 8 things.

1) They communicate their needs and expectations

Starting off with the most obvious one, an emotionally intelligent woman isn’t going to play mind games. She has more important things to do.

She’ll tell you what it is she needs and expects from a relationship. Pure and simple.

“My love language is words of affirmation. It means Y and X. Here’s a website that explains it in more depth.”

“It’s important for me to feel connected on a conversational level, so daily check-ins and weekly dates are a must.”

“I want to build a family in the next five years. Is that something you can see for yourself, too?”

She won’t beat around the bush. She knows what she wants, she says it as it is, and it’s up to you to take it or leave it.

2) They validate their partner’s emotions

While emotional intelligence is largely about self-awareness – as the first point illustrated – empathy has a big role to play, too.

When you’re dating an emotionally mature woman, she won’t shut you out, mock you, or disregard your feelings.

Quite the opposite. You can come to her with any issue that’s troubling you, and she’ll hear you out, ask follow-up questions, and make sure you feel safe enough to open up.

She doesn’t just want you to love her. She also wants you to feel loved by her.

3) They actively express their love

Of course, the best way to make someone feel loved is to actually show your love – ideally in their preferred love language.

My ex-partner’s love language was words of affirmation, so I wrote him love letters, created memory books, and complimented him. Mine was physical touch, so we spent many afternoons cuddling and holding hands.

They often say that love isn’t a noun but a verb. And that’s because you choose to show your love every day, which helps keep the relationship alive and thriving.

Your partner should be your safe haven. It should be someone who demonstrates their love actively because they know how important it is for both of you to feel cherished.

And if you point out an issue within the relationship…

4) They work on their weaknesses

Remember when I spoke about thorns that you’ve planted yourself?

That’s your emotional baggage, your self-sabotaging behavior, and your weaknesses.

An emotionally intelligent woman isn’t polished to perfection. She has flaws. She makes mistakes. She might not even be securely attached. She has a lot of good things going for her, of course, but that doesn’t mean she’s a complete angel.

But there’s one thing that sets her apart.

She’s so self-aware that she’s more than willing to work on herself.

If you say her behavior is hurtful (and your complaint is reasonable), she’ll take active steps to change.

If you tell her you need some alone time to recharge, she’ll grant it without taking offense.

And that brings us to the next point…

5) They don’t take things too personally

One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is act based on faulty assumptions.

Unfortunately, assumptions are faulty more often than we’d like to admit.

Everyone’s perception of the world is unique in its own way, and when we apply our own lens to someone else’s actions, we might cause ourselves unnecessary stress and run into conflict.

To illustrate the point, imagine Joe and Kate.

Joe is acting a bit withdrawn. He’s been really worried about something at work, he feels under the weather, his parents have been calling him about this and that, and he’s had to smile and act pleasant all day. All he wants is to have some alone time and read a book in peace.

He tells Kate he wants to spend the evening alone.

But Kate thinks his behavior must be connected to something she’s done. Surely, that little jab she made this morning must have upset him. Surely, she’s been acting too clingy lately. Surely, he’s losing feelings.

So she clings on. And a simple request turns into an argument, which pushes Joe even further.

The lesson?

Don’t be like Kate. Emotionally mature women ask straightforward questions. They don’t assume.

6) They view conflict as an opportunity to grow together

So, Kate and Joe are fighting.

Now let’s imagine their brains switch to an emotionally mature setting, as it were.

The shouting stops. A calm discussion ensues.

They talk about Joe’s introversion and his need for some space when he’s stressed out at work. They talk about Kate’s insecurities and abandonment fears, and Joe reassures her that he’s not going to leave.

The conversation is so productive that when it’s over, they both walk away with some great lessons they can apply to similar situations in the future.

Their fight doesn’t pull them apart. It helps them grow closer.

Dating a woman with high EQ is exactly like that. She doesn’t see arguments as something inherently bad; as long as there’s a sense of respect, she sees them as a chance to learn more about each other.

7) They set clear boundaries

Boundaries can become clear as a result of arguments, but emotionally intelligent women may also just state them from the get-go.

“If you cheat, it’s a dealbreaker.”

“I need some space in the week when I can devote myself to my friends and hobbies. It’s really important for me to keep that part of myself alive.”

“This behavior is crossing my boundaries. Don’t do it again.”

Their communication couldn’t really be any clearer. And if you try to push or cross her limits once more…don’t be surprised if she walks away.

Because an emotionally mature woman knows her worth.

8) They don’t stay for someone’s potential

And that brings us to the last point – breaking up.

If you’re dating a woman with high EQ, you’re very lucky. She’ll do anything in her power to work on the relationship and ensure you’re both happy and flourishing alongside each other.

But here’s the catch. You’ve got to be able to keep up. Because she won’t stick around for empty promises and short-term results.

She won’t date you for your potential. She knows it may never come to fruition.

So, if she’s already given you a second chance and you still haven’t taken the active steps to work on yourself…recognize that she might leave.

Because if there’s one thing emotionally intelligent women do differently in relationships, it’s that they end them when you don’t rise to the challenge – no matter how much they love you.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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