Elegance is a quality that seems hard to define, but you know it when you see it.
It’s essentially about respect.
An elegant woman carries herself with respect and shows that same respect to others.
That’s why a classy woman is a decent woman, who knows how to behave appropriately in all sorts of situations.
Here are some of the cringe-worthy things she will never do in public…
1) Show off
There is something understated about elegance.
It does not need to shout:
LOOK AT ME!
It draws attention for all the right reasons.
Humility is a true trait of elegant women.
So they are perfectly happy to share the limelight. They allow others to shine and actively encourage it.
You will never find them trying to desperately get all eyes on them.
They won’t engage in insecure behaviors like bragging and boasting in order to show off.
They don’t feel the need to try to make it all about them.
We’re talking about TMI (too much information).
You know those people who decide to spill every last juicy detail about themselves within the first 15 minutes of meeting them?
Well, that’s not an elegant woman!
Don’t get me wrong, honesty, sincerity, and vulnerability are admirable in anyone. But that should not be mistaken for an inappropriate level of sharing.
We build relationships as we build trust. We cannot shortcut this.
It only comes across as cringeworthy when someone divulges very sensitive information about themselves when we don’t even know them.
3) Engage in nasty gossip
Here’s the thing about gossip:
Whether it’s distasteful or not, we all pretty much do it. In fact, psychologists say it is even a social skill.
It goes back to how we’re hardwired. Because sharing information has been used throughout human history to help maintain social order.
That means that discussing other people’s business is very hard to resist.
But even gossip exists on a spectrum.
Privately talking to a close friend about an event that transpired could be seen on the low end of things. Meanwhile, casting unkind assertions about others in public is on the extreme end.
Elegant women are mindful of how they talk about other people in public.
That demands that they engage their brain before they engage their mouth.
4) Speak without thinking first
I’ll admit this is one I am still working on.
I’m a very opinionated woman. There’s certainly nothing wrong with that. But sometimes I can offer my opinions and thoughts, without thinking.
It may come out as unsolicited advice when someone hasn’t asked for it. Or I say something that later I realize lacked tact.
This always happens whenever I speak first, and think later.
We tend to put our foot in our mouths when we’re not considered enough with our words.
And words can be powerful.
They can do damage, harm relationships, and hurt feelings. An elegant woman is mindful of this.
5) Drop the F-bomb
I curse, so you could say I’m being hypocritical adding this to the list. But even though I do it, I’m well aware it’s not the classiest of habits.
I’m not being sexist either, because let’s face it, constantly cussing isn’t a good look for anyone — man or woman.
Sure, you might argue that they are just words. But as we’ve seen, words are loaded with social meaning.
Whilst some people may not be put off by swearing, others can find it offensive.
Elegant women don’t want to do things that make people feel uncomfortable.
They realize that these social codes we live by do have merit. Which leads me to our next point.
6) Forget their manners
Some people might think it’s outdated, but etiquette is how we show others respect.
Of course, what is considered polite differs depending on the country or culture.
But good manners are always a sign of elegance.
It goes beyond remembering to say please and thank you or keeping your elbows off the dinner table.
It runs to the core of how we interact with others and the way we treat one another.
That includes things like:
- Being helpful
- Respecting personal space
- Asking permission before doing certain things or taking certain things
- Not interrupting others when they speak
- Holding the door open for others
Even though the behaviors are wide-ranging, they all come down to courtesy.
7) Nervously fidget
A certain amount of elegance comes down to the way we physically carry ourselves. And that involves body language cues.
Elegance is quietly confident.
So if we are to exclude elegance we have to portray that dignity to others.
Anxiously fidgeting can give the game away and betray a sense of insecurity.
Of course, stopping fidgeting isn’t always easy and may require steps to build up confidence in social settings.
Slouching is another body language sign that can give away a lot.
According to Psychologist Dr Seema Hingorany, our posture tells a story about our personality and our confidence levels.
“Both these ingredients are needed for overall hoslitic development in the person. It is immensely important to be comfortable with your body—its movements and flow.”
The reason we spot elegant women a mile off is because they hold themselves with grace and poise. Which is why something as simple as posture speaks volumes.
9) Excessively complain
I’ve intentionally added the “excessively” here for good reason.
Because it’s perfectly okay to highlight when something isn’t right.
We can point out an error and we can stick up for ourselves. But what’s more important is how we go about it.
It needs to be respectful.
It’s about getting mistakes rectified. It’s not about putting anyone in their place or showing the world how mistreated you have been.
Your soup is cold? No problem. Let the waiter know and send it back.
But don’t make it into a big deal and whine about it for the next 30 minutes to anyone who will listen.
Elegant women never make unnecessary drama, as we’ll see next.
10) Make a scene
Discretion and elegance go hand in hand.
That’s why elegant women have self-awareness and show self-restraint.
The better we understand ourselves the more we can get to grips with what makes us tick.
We can identify our feelings and our triggers. So we’re in a better position to control them.
Being better at regulating your emotions is the key to avoiding drama.
Rather than let strong feelings get the better of you, you know how to handle them.
So you won’t catch an elegant woman having a shouting match in the street. Making a scene is not her style.
That goes for the online world, as much as it does the real world.
11) Reveal all on social media
We’ve gotten so used to watching one another’s lives play out over social media.
In many ways, it’s nice to be able to catch up with what friends are up to. We can feel closer and more connected because of it.
But it’s all too easy to fall into the trap of oversharing on your socials too.
Before you know it you go in search of approval and attention from the outside world.
Uploading 1001 intimate details of your life for the world to see can start to look a little desperate. And that’s clearly something an elegant lady isn’t.
Some things can be kept private. An elegant woman knows that she doesn’t have to share every single thing she does on her TikTok.
12) Be rude
I’ve already mentioned the importance of manners, but rudeness deserves a mention on its own.
Because this is about how we speak to one another, it’s about how an elegant woman communicates.
You will never find a classy lady talking down to someone. She treats everyone, no matter who they are, with the same fundamental respect.
You’ll never find an elegant woman:
- Cutting in line
- Checking her phone when she has company
- Making inappropriate comments
- Acting arrogantly or in a condescending way
13) Speak loudly in public places
So I have this one friend, who for obvious reasons shall remain nameless, whose volume button seems to be stuck.
Whenever we are out and about, like at a cafe or a bar, she speaks really loudly.
I can see people around us looking out of the corners of their eyes.
I feel bad saying it, but it’s a little embarrassing.
Why does it matter how loudly we speak around others?
The truth is that it comes down to discretion as well as consideration for others.
Not everyone wants to hear the finer details of your conversation. They have the right to some peace.
Plus, you inadvertently end up broadcasting the entire contents of whatever it is you are talking about to everyone in the vicinity.
14) Get really drunk
Excess is never elegant.
When we take things too far, we lose control of ourselves.
Many of us enjoy a drink, whether that’s to socialize with friends or to unwind after a long day.
But having one too many can quickly lead to making a fool of yourself.
Putting aside how bad it is for your health, the fact is that we’re no longer in charge of our words and behavior when alcohol takes over.