Confidence is one of the most attractive traits that we all look for in a potential mate.
Not only that but having confidence can also seriously strengthen the quality of your relationships.
Because there are certain relationship trapping and pitfalls that confident people manage to avoid.
In fact, there are things that confident people never do in relationships.
Let’s take a look at them…
1) Drop their friends, hobbies, and outside interests
It’s pretty common for us to hunker down into a little love bubble, especially during that exciting honeymoon stage.
So for a while, your beau might take priority. But confident people never make the mistake of building their world around just one person.
They see that this is only going to backfire.
So they’re not prepared to totally ditch their pals and other significant relationships. Neither will they phase out all the activities and hobbies that once held dear.
A good amount of independence helps to keep the spark alive.
But it also means you continue to predominantly rely on yourself for your own happiness. And as we’ll see later, this is very significant.
Making time for yourself is really important in maintaining a healthy sense of self-esteem that has nothing to do with your relationship.
2) Rely on their partner for their validation
First off, we all seek external validation.
It is natural. And it’s even more natural that we look for it in our closest connections.
But the overwhelming majority of your self-esteem has to come from within.
The fact that confident people look to themselves for this is the very reason they are so confident.
Because they have learned the value and strength that comes from emotional self-reliance.
Rather than be detrimental to their relationship, it only improves it.
Because they don’t need their partner, they want them. This is incredibly attractive, as clingy behavior very quickly becomes a turn-off.
3) Act needy and desperate
Have you ever wondered why we tend to want someone all the more when they feel less available?
Maybe it’s an unrequited crush or someone with an aloof demeanor.
We have a little psychological phenomenon called the ‘scarcity effect’ to thank for that one.
Basically, the rarer something feels, the higher the value we tend to unwittingly place on it.
Confident people give off an aura of high value and status. Their inner strength and self-esteem are incredibly attractive.
That means that they will never chase after you if you give them the cold shoulder. They won’t beg and plead. They certainly don’t follow you around like a lost puppy.
Whether it’s the early stages of courtship or many years into a relationship, confident people never act needy or desperate.
4) Question what they bring to the table
Have you ever dated someone that deep down you’ve worried is too good for you?
Maybe you think they’re incredibly good-looking, and you pale in comparison. Or you think they’re the cleverest person you’ve met and fear you must look pretty stupid next to them.
Confident people in relationships don’t get weighed down with feelings of inferiority. And not because they’re perfect specimens.
But simply because they feel good about what they do have to offer. They know that we’re all different, so we all bring different qualities to a relationship.
But they feel safe in the knowledge of what they bring to the table.
They know that they’re a catch and plenty of people out there would feel lucky to have them.
5) Abandon their own needs and wants
Relationships are all about compromise. We know this.
But there is a big difference between compromise and always ending up putting your partner first.
Particularly when it comes at the expense of your own needs and wants.
Confident people know that a healthy relationship occasionally requires sacrifice. But that should go both ways.
Similarly, both people deserve to have their needs considered. One is not more important that the others.
They won’t be bullied or coerced into giving up what is important to them.
6) Let themselves be emotionally manipulated
Confident people are less likely to fall foul of manipulation.
Because they can fall back on their strong foundations of self-respect and self-esteem.
That helps them to create and enforce very clear boundaries.
They are able to better recognize when someone is attempting to pull on their heartstrings and use guilt, shame, or emotional blackmail to get their own way.
So it is unlikely to work because they see through it as the unreasonable behavior that it is.
They refuse to feel bad about having a night out with friends. They won’t take all the blame after an argument. They don’t go along with things that make them unhappy, simply for an easy life.
And if their partner starts to display some signs of controlling, unreasonable, or toxic behavior…they won’t let it go unquestioned.
7) Ignore relationship red flags
When we’re lacking in confidence, one of the risks is that we let certain things slide that we should be addressing.
I’m talking about all those little things that in your gut, don’t feel quite right.
It could be someone inconsiderately canceling plans last minute and way too often.
It might be when someone speaks to you in a rude or unkind way.
Inconsistent behavior, verbal abuse, a jealous streak, mismatched values, and a whole host of other relationship red flags — these aren’t things that confident people are going to simply ignore and hope go away.
They respect themselves, their partner, and even their relationship too much to simply bury issues.
8) Show excessive jealousy
I say excessive jealousy simply because a small amount of the green-eyed monster isn’t always going to harm a relationship.
We’re all only human, and experts say that just a little bit of jealousy can simply be a normal sign that you care about your other half.
Having said that, too much jealousy is always a sign of insecurity. You’re so terrified that you will lose the other person, that you cling on too tightly.
And that’s not something confident people tend to suffer from.
In a relationship, you’ll never find a confident person obsessing over their love interests ex. They pay very little mind to any other attention their partner might receive from people.
Is anything they take it as confirmation of just how great their significant other clearly is.
Their confidence allows them to create more trusting connections, that aren’t plagued with suspicion.
9) Settle out of fear
Whenever a relationship has ended I have always found the same irrational thought crosses my mind at least once or twice in the aftermath of heartache:
What if I don’t find anybody else?
It’s natural. These kinds of negative thoughts and fears find us all, especially during difficult periods in life.
It’s not that confident people manage to escape all doubts or insecurities. But they will not let those irrational fears dictate their actions.
They’re not prepared to stay in an unhappy relationship, out of fear. Whether that is fear of the unknown, fear of change, or fear of having to start again.
Their confidence gives them the resilience and determination to seek what they truly deserve rather than settle for anything less.
10) Expect their partner to fix or save them
We all know the story…
The knight rides in on his white horse and rescues the princess.
Life was unfulfilling and miserable until they met “the one” and everything simply fell into place.
The fairytales that were read to us as children, the movies we watch, and the music we listen to is filled with unrealistic expectations of what love is — and importantly, of what it can do for us.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to dismiss how fundamental finding love is to many of us.
It’s also not to say that the support of a loving union can’t also bring out our best and help us shine.
But the reality is that we can easily develop unrealistic ideas about love too. And these only come back to bite us in the ass.
Because what a nice idea that is. That someone else can swoop in and “save us”. We wouldn’t need to take full responsibility for our own lives then.
Rather than rolling up our sleeves and saving ourselves, we can wait for some external force to come along and magically fix us.
But confident people see this for the illusion it is.
They make sure that they are taking full responsibility for their own happiness and well-being.
They don’t set themselves up for the inevitable disappointment of hoping their partner will make everything better for them.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
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