Validation makes the world go around. Is that the saying? If not, it probably should be!
Everyone needs to feel validated in day-to-day life, whether that be in their relationships, friendships, family life, or at work.
But the secret to validation is that it doesn’t always need to come from other people.
While it’s important to feel validated by others in some circumstances, self-validation is one of the most crucial traits to possess if you want to be a more confident person.
Being able to put aside others’ thoughts and stop asking for their approval on what you choose to do, and instead validate yourself, is one of the best ways to become more confident and happy in life.
Let’s explore the 8 things confident people simply don’t need validation for from others.
1) What they wear and how they dress to events
When a big event is taking place, like a wedding or graduation party, truly confident people don’t need validation from anyone else on their outfit choices.
Instead, they have their own style and their own outfit preferences. When they get invited to an event, they decide for themselves what they’re going to wear.
They don’t need to know if everyone else is wearing heels. If they want to wear heels, they’ll wear heels.
Likewise, they won’t “only wear a dress if you wear a dress”.
They own their outfit choices and always decide for themselves what they wear.
They aren’t the people asking around what others are wearing. Instead, they are the people others ask what they’re wearing.
2) Whether they attend an event
Similar to the above point on knowing what to wear to an event, confident people don’t need someone else’s approval on whether they should attend an event.
Confident people know how to say, “No” – and they say it often!
If they don’t want to go to something, or are simply unsure about it, they don’t ask someone else’s opinion on whether they should cancel.
They cancel because they know it’s right for them and their own well-being.
When you say yes to things you don’t want to do and rely on the approval of others, you end up sacrificing your own needs and time.
This minimizes the time you have to do the things you want (or need) to do.
Confident people know this, and they don’t rely on others’ validation before saying those two very simple (but very valuable) words.
3) The big life decisions (like career changes, milestones with partners, breakups, etc.)
You’ll never find a confident person asking, “Should I take the job offer?” or “Do you think I deserve a pay rise?”.
Or even, “Do you think I should move in with [boyfriend/girlfriend]?” or “Should I propose to [insert partner’s name]?”.
No. Truly confident people know what they want and, when faced with the big decisions, they can decide for themselves what’s right for them.
They don’t need someone else to decide whether they should start a new career, propose to their girlfriend, or move in with their partner.
Sure, they may ask their thoughts or opinion. But they don’t need anyone else to make the decision for them.
4) Whether they should ask something
Confident people don’t need to ask to ask something.
If that doesn’t make sense, let’s explain!
Instead of saying, “Should I ask the waiter if they take credit cards?” a confident person simply says, “I’ll ask the waiter if they take credit cards.”
It’s a small and subtle difference in the way they speak, but it conveys a different level of inner confidence.
It shows others that they don’t need validation to ask people for things. Instead, if they think it’s right to ask, they’ll just ask. No question about it (quite literally!).
This applies to all kinds of things in life.
If it’s a big meeting at work, they don’t confer with colleagues beforehand to decide whether they should ask a question. Or ask whether it’s a good idea.
Instead, they decide for themselves what’s a good question to ask and what’s not.
And they take full responsibility for what happens when they ask.
5) Which hobbies they choose to pursue
Everyone has an opinion and, more often than not, other people’s opinions won’t align entirely with yours.
That includes when it comes to what hobbies they (and you!) enjoy.
While you may love the idea of learning an instrument or joining the choir, someone else may despise the idea and think it’s one of the worst choices in the world.
It’s easy to let other people’s opinions sway what you choose to do in your free time.
I know I’ll always regret giving up karate just before my black belt grading because my school friends said it was tomboyish to do karate!
Because confident people don’t need validation from others to pursue the hobbies they want to pursue.
If they want to join an improv club, they join an improv club, regardless of if their friends ridicule them for it.
6) Whether they join a gym
Unfortunately, there are a lot of jealous people in the world. And that jealousy often comes out when you want to start eating healthy and looking after yourself.
Choosing to work on yourself and your body is a choice only you can make if you want to succeed at it.
I remember during my college years, many of my friends had an unusually bad opinion of joining the gym.
They made light fun of gym-goers and what they called “exercise fanatics”.
I definitely delayed joining a gym for a long time because of their opinions, even though I always loved exercise, and working out felt good.
But confident people don’t need the approval of others to sign up for a gym membership.
If they love exercise and want to work out in their free time, they do, despite what other people’s opinions of “gym-goers” are!
7) Choosing to better themselves
When you want to start bettering yourself, you’ll almost always get people sharing their views on the matter.
The saying, “Don’t tell others your plans” exists for a reason. Because other people will always have an opinion on what you should or shouldn’t do with your life.
But confident people don’t need validation on whether they better themselves or not.
They don’t rely on others to agree with them on whether they should eat healthily, start reading more, go to therapy, or sign up for a marathon.
And they don’t feel swayed to do the opposite when someone says, “I don’t think you need to lose weight” or “I don’t get the point in going to therapy”.
Instead, they go for it if they want to do it.
8) Cutting toxic people out of their lives
Choosing to cut toxic people from your life can be one of the toughest decisions you ever make.
When you’ve spent years in contact or in a relationship with someone, you have a ton of history that isn’t easy to let go of.
But when you know that person is toxic, you have to do what’s right for you and cut them off, no matter how hard it is.
When you decide to cut someone off, you can easily slip back into contact with them if someone else doesn’t agree with the decision.
Like a friend telling you your partner “Isn’t that bad” or “Is just like everyone else” when you tell them you want to break up with them.
Or worse, if the person you’re cutting off doesn’t want you to cut them out of your life.
Like if it’s a family member or a romantic partner, getting their approval on cutting them off will certainly be difficult.
And needing their OK on the matter will only lead you down a path of further pain and toxicity.
Confident people don’t need validation from anyone if they want to stop speaking to a toxic parent or a friend who they feel is taking advantage of them.
They make their own decisions and they stick to it, no matter who disagrees.
Experts tell us that it’s just part of human nature to seek validation from others. And, as mentioned earlier, getting validation from others isn’t always necessarily a bad thing.
But it can quite easily spiral out of control and lead you to lose confidence in yourself.
It can also make you appear way less confident than you actually are to others, which can impact your career prospects and relationships with others.
So, if you want to become a more confident person, choose wisely what you seek validation on and who you seek it from!