We’re all in awe of those who walk around with effortless confidence.
They’re respected, people listen to them when they talk, and they seem clear about who they are and what they want to achieve in life.
Being confident is not only important to get ahead in life, but according to psychologist Barbara Markway, “it is linked to almost every element involved in a happy and fulfilling life.”
The good news?
Confidence is not an innate, fixed characteristic. It’s an ability that can be acquired over time.
So what is the best way to improve your own confidence?
According to several studies, becoming more confident in who you are is all about “faking it till you make it”.
So in this article, let’s go over the common things that confident people always do, but never talk about it.
The more you practice doing the following things, the closer you’ll be to becoming the confident version of yourself.
1. They know themselves and they’re clear on their values
It’s difficult to be sure of yourself if you’re not sure of what you stand for.
Confident people have reflected on what’s important to them, and they’ve carefully considered their values.
As a result, every action they take is in line with their principles, which gives them a greater sense of purpose.
They know who they are and what they stand for.
So many of the problems we encounter in our daily lives become easier when you know what you stand for.
Confident people remind themselves of the reasons for their decisions which boosts confidence in their judgment.
If you want to have a clear sense of values, take a moment and write down your personal mission statement.
Taking the time to write down and clarify your values provides a framework from which all other decisions can be made with confidence.
2. They’re less focused on themselves
It may seem counterintuitive that confident people are less focused on themselves, but the truth is, confident people are less wrapped up in their thoughts and worries.
When you’re not consumed inside your head with your own problems, you’re able to genuinely engage with others.
A confident person enjoys their interactions more because they’re not worried about the kind of impression they’re making, and they’re not comparing themselves to others.
Why should they? They’re already confident in themselves and they don’t suffer from self-doubt.
A confident person’s relaxed state actually puts others at ease.
When you’re less focused on yourself, you also have deeper empathy.
This is because you’re not preoccupied with your own self-doubt, and you’re better able to notice the emotions and feelings of others.
3. They don’t let setbacks knock them around
Confidence gives you the coping methods to handle failure and setbacks.
Confident people fail just like everyone else, but they don’t let failure increase their self-doubt.
This enables a confident person to keep pushing themselves to try, and the more failures they encounter, the more growth they’ll realize when they succeed.
Confident people tend to have an acceptance that failure is part of life.
This means they keep taking action, and as we all know, the more shots you take, the more likely it is that some of those shots will make the basket.
4. They are assertive
A confident person knows how to stand up for themselves.
They’re honest about what they are feeling, what they want, what they value, and what their boundaries are.
They have the courage to express what they need and want.
5. They listen 10 times more than they speak
Most of us tend to think that confident people brag about themselves.
But that’s simply not true. It’s the people who have self-esteem issues that feel the need to brag about themselves.
Bragging is a mask for insecurity.
Confident people are quiet and unassuming. They are already confident who they are and what they stand for.
But they want to know what you stand for.
So a confident person loves to ask open-ended questions that give another person the freedom to speak their mind.
They want to learn what you do, what you’ve learned, and what they should do if they find themselves in a similar situation.
A confident person realizes that there is something to learned from everyone, and the only way to learn is to listen more.
6. They don’t worry about being in the spotlight
Even if they did the bulk of the work, or they were the ones who really overcame the obstacles, they don’t care if they’re not given the credit they really deserve.
It’s not important to them. They don’t rely on outside validation to feel better about themselves.
True validation comes from within.
They’re already proud of who they are and what they’ve achieved. They don’t need the glory.
So they’re happy to stand back and celebrate the achievements of others.
7. They don’t put down other people
In general, the people who like to gossip and talk badly about others are doing so because they want to feel better about themselves.
But a truly confident person doesn’t compare themselves with others, so talking bad about others doesn’t feel good at all.
They don’t feel the need to gossip about others because they’re focused on becoming a better version of themselves.
8. They understand their weaknesses
Everybody has weaknesses, but so many people struggle to admit those weaknesses.
A confident person is sincere and honest with themselves.
They’re able to admit their mistakes and failures.
They know what their strengths are, so knowing their weaknesses doesn’t affect their self-worth at all.
When you’re truly confident, you don’t care if you occasionally “look bad”.
They know that the only thing that matters is trying their best.
9. They don’t worry about the future
Basketball All-star Michael Jordan once said, “Why would I worry about a shot that I haven’t taken yet?”
It’s that focus on the present moment, on the feel of the ball in his hands, and the play of the game that has allowed him and the Chicago Bulls to be deemed the greatest icons of basketball in his time.
A confident person doesn’t burn their energy in worry and distress about what might happen next.
They’re already confident that they can cope with the obstacles in their path.
After putting in all the effort that they can on a project, they understand that what happens next is out of their control.
10. They know what’s best for them
Saying “No” to our friends can be difficult.
There’s an underlying fear that it would make us look bad, or that we’re boring and no fun.
But when we say Yes, we then can’t help but feel like something’s wrong, that we’d rather be at home working on our novel instead of going to a party.
Confident people don’t spend their time on things that they know aren’t worth their time and energy.
They’re not people pleasers. They don’t need everyone to like them to boost their self-worth. They have boundaries to uphold to protect their own emotional health.
That’s why they’re comfortable saying “no” when they need to.
Roman emperor and stoic Marcus Aurelius had a practice where he would constantly ask himself “Is this necessary?”, a question that not many people remember to bring up to themselves.
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