Relationships are a challenge even for the most well-balanced among us!
But confident and secure men have different tools in their toolboxes.
Here’s what they bring to relationships that less secure and stable men simply do not bring.
The first of the crucial things confident men do differently in relationships is that they are self-reliant.
This refers to physical and practical self-reliance as well as emotional self-reliance.
“A confident man in a relationship won’t be dependent on his girlfriend,” notes Mudra Joshi. “They are very comfortable spending time by themselves doing their own thing.”
This may sound like no big deal, but it’s a big item, especially for women who are sick and tired of clingy, insecure guys!
The next of the key things confident men do differently in relationships is that they are calm.
Even if an argument disrupts, they do not just lash out or instinctively respond.
They hold their cool.
If they have a response they think it over and then offer it.
I’m not saying confident guys never get angry. Of course they do.
But if they get angry it’s for a good reason.
And if the going gets stressful, the confident guy rides it out without taking out his fear or stress on others, especially not his romantic partner.
No matter how accomplished or high status he may be, a genuinely confident man does not brag.
Nor does he seek out praise and recognition: especially not from his girlfriend or wife!
The idea of trying to prove or show that he’s impressive is anathema to a confident man.
He shrinks back from it instinctively because he knows that it is ultra-cringe and ultra try-hard to seek attention, praise and validation, especially from somebody you love.
This is one of the biggest things confident men do differently in relationships:
They don’t seek approval, affection or act clingy. They know they are good enough and they act it every single day in all their interactions.
The next of the things confident men do differently in relationships is that they are considerate.
This means far more than just being police or asking if their partner is doing OK if she looks down or stressed.
It means that the confident man actually cares about how his partner will react if and when he tells her certain things or brings up certain subjects with her.
If his wife or girlfriend says she’s feeling “under the weather,” for example, he’s not going to launch into an emotional subject about her issues with her dad and his health.
Tobias Handke makes a great point about this:
“ When you need to voice something to your lover or bring up a subject that might cause a commotion, consider their feelings and how they will react.”
5) Lack of possessiveness
The next of the things confident men do differently in relationships is that they’re not possessive.
A little bit of jealousy can be healthy, and a confident guy is still going to make his claim on his partner clear.
But being possessive or checking up on where she is and what she’s doing isn’t in his wheelhouse.
A confident man trusts his partner completely unless he has an actual reason not to.
He knows that without trust the relationship is just going to become an uncomfortable power dynamic of suspicion, awkward silences and jealousies.
He’s not interested in that in any way, so he’s not possessive.
His partner can have fun with her friends or family and other people. He trusts her and he doesn’t begrudge her giving time and attention to others.
This also goes back to the self-reliance part.
6) Being proactive
Another of the top things confident men do differently in relationships is that they’re proactive.
They don’t wait for problems or issues to arise, they face them preemptively.
Being proactive includes in their determination to bring home the bacon.
A confident man never expects anyone else to pick up the slack.
He’s a hard worker who provides for those he loves and never asks more of his partner than she can handle.
He expects her to chip in, of course, but he’s fine with being the breadwinner and being the leader in the relationship.
If that’s just a little bit old school, so be it.
He’s a proactive man and a doer who’s fine taking care of the needs of his partner for the most part.
7) Making eye contact
The next of the top things confident men do differently in relationships is making eye contact.
Marny Kinrys has a great explainer video on how confident men are different in love than non-confident men.
As she explains, “when a man can look into your eyes when he speaks it shows he isn’t shy or nervous or lacking confidence. It shows rock-solid confidence.”
Like Kinrys says, this is a relatively simple thing.
But it really shows a woman that a man is secure in who he is and believes enough in what he’s saying to look you in the eyes and hold your attention.
Communication is vitally important in relationships, of course (next point up) but it’s useless if there’s rarely any eye contact.
8) Communicate meaningfully
There’s a stereotype about men saying “huh” and “whatever” when you ask what they’re up to or how they’re doing.
You have the classic image of a girlfriend wanting to talk and her boyfriend sitting there like a bump on a log.
But that’s not how it has to be.
A confident man communicates directly and clearly.
Even in the case that he simply isn’t in the mood to talk, he’ll just directly say that and let you know it’s nothing personal.
This is maturity and clear communication.
Being able to be honest even about the uncomfortable or painful aspects of how you are doing.
An insecure nice guy will say he’s “fine” or “great” when his partner asks how he is, even if he’s struggling to find the will to live.
A confident man will just be honest “it’s been a hard day. I’m feeling down. I’m going to go take a walk.”
Direct. Honest. Confident.
But never unctuous or playing the victim.
9) Joking playfully
The next of the things confident men do differently in relationships is joking playfully.
They may even take a risk with jokes that might offend their partner or which they aren’t sure about her reaction.
That’s because a confident man is also confident about his humor.
If a woman doesn’t like his humor then too bad.
He’s willing to take a risk and tell the kind of jokes he likes to and test the limits a little bit.
If it works out well and gets some laughs, great.
If not, so be it: you can’t win ‘em all!
10) Saying no
Last and very importantly in the things confident men do differently in relationships is that they’re willing to calmly and firmly say no.
Nice guys and guys without much security are deathly afraid of saying no to a woman they are attracted to.
What if she stops liking them?
What if she’s upset when they say no?
A confident man doesn’t even consider such questions.
If he’s too busy to do something he says no, or rain check.
If he doesn’t like his girlfriend’s favorite type of music, he just straight up says it “not my thing.”
Men who can’t say no to a beautiful woman will always be the suckers and beta male orbiters of this world.
And it’s one of the things that high quality women love best about a confident man:
He doesn’t hinge his replies and persona on whether or not she approves.
He is his own man.
Being your own man
Relationships are just as varied as every individual.
Some relationships are paradise, some are hell. Some are strange, some are very mainstream.
But the common denominator is that no relationship can really bring fulfillment until people are whole in themselves.
Being whole isn’t quite the same as being “happy” or “fulfilled.”
What it means, really, is truly and fully accepting who you are and not having even a shred of approval seeking left in you.
It means owning your insecurities and working on them on your own without ever expecting a partner to do that for you.
This goes for both men and women.
And in a relationship, a man who truly owns himself is always the most attractive candidate for any partner to get serious with and commit to for the long-term.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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