I’ve been friends with various couples, but I’ve also found other couples very annoying and cringe.
The reason is that some couples engage in behaviors which are really low-class, attention-seeking and revolting.
If you want to know what to watch out for on the don’t-do list, I’m going to help you out.
1) Argue and fight in public
Every couple argues and has moments of tension.
That’s not to say they’ll necessarily be bad fights or full of shouting or swearing.
But even low-key disagreements and frustrating moments can be uncomfortable and bring down the atmosphere in a room.
That’s why classy couples avoid fighting in public.
If they’re especially angry or having a horrible day, they find somewhere private to talk it out.
You can’t always control when you’re going to get annoyed at your partner, but whenever possible, try to save the really nasty comments and arguing for a private place.
If you’ve ever seen a couple fight in public then you know how awkward it can be.
Not only is it bizarre and upsetting, it’s kind of humiliating as well, like watching a sleazy reality show that’s spilled over into real life.
Get a room!
2) Try to make each other jealous
Couples have their jealous moments, but trying to make each other jealous is a fool’s game.
Sadly, far too many couples engage in this kind of manipulation and try to make each other feel jealous.
It could be by chatting too much to a buxom and beautiful waitress…
Or talking to the hot guy at the kayak rental shop for a bit too long…
Whatever it is that gets the jealousy flowing, it becomes an issue when it’s clearly intentional.
There’s clearly a line where the jealousy is paranoid and over the top, but there’s also cases where it’s merited.
That may be controversial to say, but it’s true.
If you want to be with someone then be with them, don’t eye all the eye candy in stock while holding their hand.
3) Post over the top love messages on social media
We’ve all seen it and maybe some of us have done it:
Posting really sappy, really long and really performative messages to our loved one on social media.
It’s cringe, it’s low-class and it’s really try-hard.
If you love someone that much, spend your time loving them!
If you want to post an anniversary photo, or Valentine’s message, go for it. Maybe a few tasteful lines of poetry.
The problem occurs when we get these multi-paragraphs paeans that go into detail and profound subjects about your significant other…
But they’re in public. Which means there is an absolute element of wanting other people to see how much you love each other.
Why this focus?
Save the long in-depth messages for your actual conversations or your loved one’s inbox (better yet, write it on a postcard for his or her eyes only!)
4) Catfight and argue on social media via posting and stories
The flip side of the online boasting about being in love is taking your arguments online.
You may be long distance or interact online, including publicly: great.
But don’t put catty comments or back and forth arguments online, even if you are in a moment of tension.
More commonly, couples will subtweet each other with cryptic back and forth messages that are aimed at the other person but not directly calling them out, or post stories on Instagram and other apps to that effect.
“We were good at faking forever, I get it, whatever.”
Lyrics from “Hell No” by Ingrid Michaelson splash across the screen with some kind of depressed picture or video.
An hour later her boyfriend puts a photo of Tupac with words from his song “Do For Love” scrolling by…
“But now I’m searchin’ for commitment, in other arms
I wanna shelter you from harm, don’t be alarmed
Your attitude was the cause, you got me stressin’
Soon as I open up the door with your jealous questions…”
Is this a couple having a fight by posting music video clips in their social media stories?
Sure looks like it, and it wouldn’t be the first time.
5) Criticize and undermine each other in front of others
One of the other things classy couples never do (so you shouldn’t either!) is to criticize and undermine each other in front of others.
This is similar to fighting except it can often be much more subtle.
It may be a roll of the eyes when a woman’s boyfriend says something she finds stupid while they’re out to lunch.
It may be a husband telling his wife to “calm down” while she expresses concern about the length of a line in the grocery store.
Criticism happens and we all act in irritable ways at times.
But couples who behave this way to each other make us all lose hope in love.
Don’t be like this, if at all possible.
6) Gossip about each other to other people
Then we come to gossip:
It’s far too common for couples to gossip about each other to other people.
Usually that means their friends and family who they trust with inside information.
But all too often it includes things that really are best kept private in a relationship, including personal issues their partner may have, sexual hang-ups and more.
This just isn’t a good thing to do.
Even if you never get caught, you weaken your relationship and your love for your partner when you choose to talk about them in negative ways when they’re not around.
If you just want advice and you don’t feel comfortable talking to your partner then sometimes you may tell something personal to a friend or family member.
But for the most part, if you have a problem with them, whenever possible bring it up with them.
7) Use problems as ammunition or justification
Vulnerability is difficult in front of other people, and when it’s in front of somebody we love it can be even harder.
That’s what makes it twice as difficult if they later use this as ammunition.
It’s horrible to see this happen and watch couples break up in this way.
It’s almost even more horrible to see couples doing this and them not break up.
Don’t use what your partner has told you against them. It’s a recipe for deeply hurting someone and if it isn’t the end of your relationship, it often should be.
Using problems as ammo is low, and it’s one of those things that classy couples never do.
8) Flash fake smiles and avoid all conflict
On the flip side of fighting in public and dragging each other down is the fake nice couple.
We all know this type of couple: their faces are all smooth and tight like mannequins and their real emotions are buried under archaeological layers of fakeness.
Classy couples don’t fight in public, but they do talk out their issues in private and they do engage with people around them in a genuine way.
This may include joking, admitting they’re in a bad mood or just being overall real about their life.
Being completely and overly perfect is not something classy couples do, because it’s insincere and closed off.
9) Freeload off their partner and use them
Freeloading is a nasty trait and it’s especially revolting when you see it in a couple.
You know what I’m talking about…
The kind of couple where one of those involved expects the other to care for their every little need and pay absolutely everything.
If you or your partner finds that you’re falling into this kind of behavior it’s very important to try to retrace your steps, communicate clearly and get away from it.
This kind of financial pattern can lead to really toxic codependency and other problems that end up making the relationship go off the rails.
10) Fake feelings to appease their partner
Last and perhaps most seriously of all, classy couples never lie to each other about how they feel.
You may tell a white lie if your partner asks if he or she looks fat, because why spoil the moment, right?
But if they ask how you’re feeling about the relationship or how you’re doing in your life? You’re honest. You lay it all out there.
Classy couples never lie to each other or fake feelings just to appease the other person or avoid a difficult conversation.
They’re willing to be vulnerable and honest about how they feel and how they’re doing because they know that without taking the risk and opening up to someone, real love will always remain out of reach.
Keep it classy, couples!
The above behaviors are things that many couples do from time to time.
You may find yourself slipping into these on occasion as well.
If so, do your best to stop and lessen how much you do this and become conscious of you and your partner’s tendencies.
No couple is perfect, but some couples certainly stand out from others.
Make sure it’s for the right reasons!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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