7 things a woman with self-respect will never tolerate in a relationship

Relationships are hard, and they require tolerance and forgiveness from both sides.

Especially women often try to be compassionate and give second chances — like many of the ladies I know.

But obviously, there are lines that should not be crossed. 

Yet, it can be difficult to tell where this line is. You might wonder, am I being too harsh, or should this really be a dealbreaker?

I spoke to a few friends who went through difficult relationships about the lessons they learned, and thought about my one relationships. 

And we’ve summed up 7 things that any woman with self-respect should never tolerate in a relationship. Here they are. 

1) Abuse

Alright, let’s start with one of the most drastic, and obvious items.

A woman — or a man, for that matter — with self-respect will never tolerate abuse in a relationship. Period.

Anyone would agree with this,  but the problem is we can’t always tell what abuse looks like.

Most people think first of physical abuse, but there is also emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and psychological abuse.

Basically, any kind of action where one person uses control or power to harm the other.

And even when someone recognizes they’re being abused, they may feel too attached to the person to draw a hard line.

One of my friends was stuck in a relationship like this, where she kept making excuses for her ex for his behavior. 

It was truly heartbreaking to watch, because her other friends and I could see how this was hurting her, but we couldn’t convince her that it was unacceptable.

But thankfully, she got out of that relationship eventually, and if you relate to this point at all, you should do the same.

2) Disrespect

Disrespect is another element that has no place in a healthy relationship. Respect forms the core foundation of any relationship — be it romantic, familial, or professional.

Disrespect can manifest in various ways: belittling your ideas, constant criticism, ignoring your boundaries, or invalidating your feelings. 

Now, we are all different people with different upbringings, cultural backgrounds, sensitivities and triggers. So it is possible that one person might consider something disrespectful that’s completely normal to another. 

Like me and my ex. There were a few things that really bothered me, but they stemmed from some uncomfortable experiences from my past that were unique to me.

So I was building up anger towards my ex, but he had no idea. I eventually talked to him about it, and he immediately agreed to change what he was doing. 

If you can solve your issue with an open conversation as well, that’s a great solution. But if not, the relationship won’t be very lasting or fulfilling. Don’t waste your time. 

3) Dishonesty

“My dream partner is someone who lies to me all the time” – said no woman with self-respect, ever.

For any relationship to make sense, there needs to be trust between the two of you. Once that trust is breached through lies or deceit, the relationship starts to crumble.

Why exactly? Because it directly affects the authenticity of your relationship. Every lie told chips away at the faith you have in your partner and their words.

If you catch your partner in a lie, it’s vital to address the issue right away. 

I’m not saying you have to break up immediately — I’ll admit, my current partner and I have both made some mistakes, especially towards the beginning of our relationship.

Those experiences are what allowed us to grow into the people who we are today, and what’s important is that we now know to always be honest with each other.

Maybe a person, or even you, panics during a difficult situation and says the wrong thing. That’s fine, you can fix the situation and do better next time. 

But if lying becomes a habit, it’s time to reassess whether this relationship makes sense.

4) Neglect

The next item is a silent killer in relationships: neglect. It’s especially dangerous because you don’t always notice it — as it is by definition, not doing something.

It quietly and gradually erodes the connection, leading to loneliness, frustration, and sadness. 

What does neglect look like? Well, first of all there is physical absence.

Your partner may be constantly working overtime or away on business trips, or even dedicating time to his own hobbies rather than being present with you.

Then there is emotional neglect too. This happens when your feelings, needs, or thoughts and consistently being ignored or trivialized by your partner. You feel unheard, unseen, and unimportant.

And we can also mention personal neglect. If someone stops taking care of themselves, how can they give their best to their partner?

Obviously, there are times when a person goes through something terrible, and lets themselves go. In this case, they need the support of their loved ones until they can get back on their feet.

And even the types of neglect described earlier may come from a deeper issue that the two of you can solve together. But one way or another, this cannot continue in the relationship of a woman with self-respect.

5) Lack of trust 

We mentioned how honesty is crucial in a relationship so you know you can trust your partner, and they can trust you.

But sometimes lack of trust happens even if you are fully honest with someone.

Maybe it’s because of some traumatic experience they had in the past. Or maybe they’re projecting their own morals on someone else — if they feel tempted to cheat, they might worry that their partner does too.

Really, it could be a number of different reasons, that depends on the individual.

But one thing is for sure, and that’s the fact that something really needs to be done to fix this.

If you experience this from your partner, talk with them to understand their concerns better. What exactly are they worried about? Do they know where these feelings come from?

One of my friends was actually able to repair her relationship with her partner, because he was open to doing therapy to help heal. It was an incredibly inspiring example of how two people can overcome any problem together if they both want to.

But not every relationship will be able to do that, and that’s fine. It’s also okay to walk away, if the relationship isn’t what you want.

6) Lack of support

Lack of support in a relationship can feel like sailing a stormy sea without a compass. It’s fundamental that partners uplift each other, through thick and thin. 

Whether it’s about your dreams, career, or personal challenges, having a supportive partner is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

I remember a time when I was extremely nervous about a job interview. It was for a position I had dreamt of for years. Instead of encouraging me, my then-boyfriend dismissed it, saying that I was aiming too high and not ready for this opportunity yet. 

This not only hurt, but also made me question my own abilities.

A woman with self-respect deserves a partner who believes in her, stands by her decisions, and aids her growth. If you find that support lacking, it’s time to re-evaluate. 

Remember, a relationship should empower you, not belittle you.

7) Control

The last item on our list is a sneaky one — and there’s a good chance most of us have done this ourselves, at one point or another.

Think about any relationship you’ve been in: the beginning is almost always great, and everything seems perfect.

But then you start to notice little things that bother you about the person. Maybe it’s the amount of time they spend playing games, their constant tardiness, or the way they clean the kitchen.

And this is natural — there’s no such thing as 100% compatibility or happiness, as we’re all human. It’s also reasonable to ask your partner to do certain things differently and grow together as a couple.

But this can spiral out of hand into trying to control your partner — or them trying to control you.

Including how you look, who you see, how you spend your time, or your money, and so on. 

They started dating you presumably because they like you for you — so they shouldn’t need to change you into a different person. If they do, it’s more likely you two are not the best fit for each other. 

Building a strong healthy relationship as a woman with self-respect 

Now you know 7 things that you definitely shouldn’t tolerate in a relationship, as a woman with self-respect.

Of course, I hope that you don’t recognize any of these items in your relationship. 

But you know what? I’ve experienced several of them myself, and so have some of my friends, as I’ve mentioned.

And that’s life. There are ups and downs, and even the negative experiences are very valuable for the lessons they teach us and how they help us grow. 

If you do see one of these things in your relationship, you’ve already done the most important step: recognizing it. 

And now, based on your particular situation and your own journey, you can decide what the best path forward is.

No matter what you choose, remember that these things have no place at all in a healthy relationship — so whether you find a way to improve your relationship or decide to end it, you’ll be in a much better place. 

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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