Ethan Sterling
If you’ve ever dealt with a toxic narcissist, you know that they don’t take disappointment well.
When things don’t go their way, their behavior can become manipulative, aggressive, or even downright cruel. It’s not a personal choice, it’s a psychological issue.
Being on the receiving end of a toxic narcissist’s tantrum can be extremely challenging. But understanding what’s happening can make it easier to navigate.
That’s what this article is about. Knowledge is power, so let’s dive in.
1) Playing the victim
The minute a toxic narcissist doesn’t get their way, they might immediately switch to playing the victim. This is classic narcissistic behavior.
For instance, imagine asking them to make a small compromise. Instead of agreeing, they might react with exaggerated hurt or offense.
They might tell you, “You’re always trying to control me,” or, “You never consider my feelings.”
These kinds of statements are designed to shift the focus away from their refusal to compromise.
Instead, they’re trying to make you feel guilty for even asking. You might even find yourself apologizing and comforting them.
This is exactly what the toxic narcissist wants. Your guilt and sympathy are their fuel.
Recognizing this pattern is the first step in dealing with it effectively.
But remember, it’s not about blaming yourself – it’s about understanding the manipulative tactics of a toxic narcissist.
2) Showering you with flattery
Now, this might come as a surprise, but when a toxic narcissist doesn’t get their way, they might resort to excessive praise and compliments.
You might wonder, how is this a negative thing? The truth is, it’s not about genuine appreciation or affection. It’s another manipulation tactic.
For example, if they sense that you’re pulling away or standing your ground, they might try to reel you back in with kind words and flattery.
They might tell you how amazing you are, how no one else understands them like you do, and so on.
The goal here is to make you feel special and valued so that you’ll be more likely to give in to what they want.
It’s important to recognize this tactic for what it is – yet another way for the toxic narcissist to control the situation.
3) Using gaslighting techniques
Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into doubting your own reality, memories, or perceptions.
It’s a common tactic used by toxic narcissists.
Let’s say you confront them about a problematic behavior. Instead of acknowledging it, they might turn it around and accuse you of making things up or being too sensitive.
They might even deny that the event ever happened.
This continual denial and undermining can lead to self-doubt and confusion, which is exactly what the narcissist wants.
They know that if they can make you question your own judgement, they can maintain control and continue to get their way.
The name “gaslighting” comes from a 1944 movie called “Gaslight”, where a man manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane.
It’s now widely recognized as a form of emotional abuse.
4) Displaying extreme emotional reactions
Sometimes, when a toxic narcissist doesn’t get their way, they might respond with an intense emotional outburst.
This could range from uncontrollable rage to profound sadness.
It’s important to remember that these reactions are not your fault.
You are not responsible for managing their emotions or for the choices they make in response to them.
To give an instance, if you set a boundary and they react with anger or tears, it’s because they’re unable to accept that boundary, not because you’ve done something wrong.
These moments can be difficult and frightening. Please remember to prioritize your own safety and well-being.
Reach out for help if you need it. You’re not alone in this journey.
5) Resorting to the silent treatment
We’ve all been there. One moment you’re in a heated argument, the next, you’re met with complete silence.
When a toxic narcissist doesn’t get their way, they might resort to giving you the silent treatment.
You might find yourself desperately trying to break the silence, apologizing even when you’ve done nothing wrong, or overthinking about what you could have said or done differently.
The aim here is to make you feel guilty, anxious, and powerless.
It’s a form of punishment for not complying with their desires and it’s meant to make you come back begging for their attention.
Healthy communication is a two-way street and it’s okay to expect that from your relationships.
The silent treatment is not a reflection of your worth but a manifestation of their inability to cope with disagreement or disappointment.
6) Threatening to end the relationship
A common tactic a toxic narcissist may use when they don’t get their way is to threaten to end the relationship.
I remember a friend who shared her experience; her partner would constantly threaten to break up whenever they had an argument or disagreement.
It was his way of gaining control over the situation, making her feel insecure and fearful of losing him.
Such threats are manipulative and emotionally abusive.
They are meant to keep you on your toes, always worried about saying or doing something that might lead to the end of the relationship.
Recognize this for what it is – a means to maintain control, not an indication of your worth in the relationship.
7) Refusing to take responsibility
When a toxic narcissist doesn’t get their way, they might refuse to accept any responsibility for their actions or the fallout.
Whenever a plan falls through because of something they did, they’ll find a way to pin the blame on anyone but themselves.
They’ll twist facts, rewrite history and do whatever it takes to avoid facing the consequences of their actions.
While it’s easy to get swept up in their narrative, it’s crucial to stand your ground.
You know the truth. Don’t let them make you question your reality or take the fall for something you didn’t do.
It’s not about being unkind, it’s about protecting your mental and emotional well-being.
Remember: you’re not responsible for their behavior or their inability to own up to their mistakes.
8) Attempting to control your life
The most significant thing you need to understand about a toxic narcissist is their inherent need for control.
When they don’t get their way, they might attempt to control every aspect of your life.
They could try to dictate what you wear, who you interact with, or how you spend your time.
They might even try to convince you that their controlling behavior is a form of care or concern for your well-being.
It’s crucial to remember – control is not love. True care and concern respect your autonomy and freedom.
Don’t let anyone make decisions for you or tell you how to live your life.
Knowledge is power.
Understanding these tactics can help you identify and navigate the challenging behaviors of a toxic narcissist, but always remember: You are strong, you are enough, and you have the right to live free from manipulation and control.
Final thoughts
Navigating life with a toxic narcissist can be truly challenging, but remember, your worth is not defined by their actions or words.
This article aimed to shed light on their manipulative tactics when things don’t go their way. However, the ultimate power lies in your hands.
You have the ability to recognize these behaviors and respond in a way that protects your well-being.
Time spent understanding and caring for yourself is never time wasted.
And true strength lies in standing your ground, not letting anyone dictate your worth or control your life.
Here’s to living a life full of self-respect, happiness, and freedom from manipulation!
