Ethan Sterling
There’s a fine line between someone exerting influence and asserting control.
When a narcissist senses that their control over you is weakening, they may resort to various tactics to reassert dominance or regain power.
These behaviors can be manipulative, deceptive, or emotionally abusive, and they often aim to create confusion, guilt, or fear.
If you’re noticing these signs, here are seven things a narcissist might use when they feel their control slipping.
Get ready for some hard truths as we delve into the manipulative world of narcissists:
1) Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a classic narcissistic maneuver.
When a narcissist senses their control over you is weakening, they might resort to this psychological trick; the aim is to make you question your own sanity and thus, reestablish their dominance.
The term comes from the 1944 movie, “Gaslight,” where the husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane.
In real life, a narcissist might deny facts, twist your words, or create confusion to plant seeds of self-doubt as they’ll make you question your own memory, perception, or judgement.
Why do they do this? To destabilize and delegitimize your understanding of the situation—it’s a way for them to regain control.
Stand firm in your reality, trust your instincts, and don’t let someone else dictate what is true for you.
2) Love bombing
A narcissist will shower you with affection and attention, making you feel incredibly special, and they’ll text you constantly, buy you gifts, and say all the right things—it’s intoxicating!
In my case, I was dealing with a close friend.
When they sensed that I was pulling away, they’d suddenly be extra nice, always available and overly complimentary—it was as if I had a personal cheerleader.
But here’s the catch: It’s not genuine as it’s a calculated move to reel you back in, to regain control by making you feel dependent on their affection.
In my situation, it took me a while to catch on because I mistook their behavior for genuine concern.
But, once I understood what was happening, I took steps to protect myself.
Don’t get me wrong, everyone loves to be loved but, when love comes with an ulterior motive, it’s a whole different ball game.
Recognizing love bombing when it’s happening is essential in maintaining your independence.
3) Hoovering
Hoovering is another tactic narcissists use when they realize their control over you is weakening.
Named after the famous vacuum cleaner brand, hoovering is when a narcissist tries to “suck” you back into the relationship after you’ve shown signs of distancing yourself.
They might use old memories, promises of change, or emotional pleas to pull you back in.
It’s an attempt to tug at your heartstrings and make you forget why you wanted distance in the first place.
Here’s a piece of information that might surprise you: Research states that narcissists often employ hoovering when they fear they’re about to be abandoned—a defense mechanism, triggered by a perceived threat to their self-worth or ego.
The next time you see hoovering in action, remember this—it’s really not about you, it’s about them and their insecurities.
4) Triangulation
Triangulation is yet another sneaky tactic used by narcissists to regain control.
What does it look like? Essentially, a narcissist will bring another person into the dynamic between you two.
This could be in the form of a love triangle, or by comparing you unfavorably to another person.
They do this to create insecurity, sow doubt, and make you compete for their attention as it’s a way to make you feel less than, and to make them feel superior.
In my experience, the moment you sense that you’re being pitted against another person, pause; ask yourself if this behavior is healthy or fair.
More often than not, it isn’t.
A genuine relationship is built on trust and mutual respect—not games of comparison and competition.
5) Playing the victim
In the grand stage of a narcissist’s world, they’re never the villain—always the victim.
When they feel their control over you wavering, they might start painting themselves as the misunderstood martyr; they’ll spin stories, twist facts, and do whatever it takes to gain your sympathy.
I remember a time when someone I cared about started blaming everyone else for their actions.
They’d say things like “You don’t understand what I’m going through,” or “Nobody appreciates what I do.”
The aim was clear: To make me feel guilty for pulling away, and responsible for their happiness.
It was hard not to get sucked into their narrative but, with time, I realized that I was not responsible for fixing them or their problems.
It’s not your job to save someone who doesn’t want to save themselves—you are allowed to protect your peace.
6) Threats and intimidation
When a narcissist senses their control slipping, they may resort to threats or intimidation.
Threats and intimidation could be anything from subtle emotional blackmail (like threats of self-harm if you leave) to outright aggression; they do this to incite fear and obligation, effectively using your emotions against you.
Being on the receiving end of such threats can be terrifying, and it’s designed to be.
The objective is to make you feel trapped and powerless.
However, unfortunately for them, no one has the right to threaten or intimidate you.
Threats and intimidation is a form of abuse, and it’s essential to seek help if you find yourself at the receiving end of such behavior.
You have every right to protect your safety and well-being.
7) Smear campaigns
Lastly, but certainly not least, narcissists might launch a smear campaign when they feel they’re losing control.
This involves spreading false rumors or exaggerating truths to tarnish your reputation—a way for them to isolate you and maintain their image.
The most important thing to remember here is this: You can’t control what others say about you, but you can control how you respond.
Stay calm, maintain your integrity, and trust that the truth will eventually come to light.
Final reflections
The dance with a narcissist can be a complex and emotionally draining experience.
From gaslighting to smear campaigns, these strategies are designed to manipulate and regain control—leaving you feeling confused, guilty, or even fearful.
Knowledge is power; recognizing these tactics gives you the ability to spot them and, most importantly, to protect yourself.
As psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud once said, “Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.”
Be honest with yourself about the signs you’re seeing, and trust your instincts!
Ultimately, you hold the keys to your own well-being; it’s okay to distance yourself from those who harm your mental peace because you deserve relationships that uplift you.
Carry this knowledge with you, and let it empower you to make decisions that protect your heart and your peace.
After all, self-love isn’t just important, it’s necessary.
