8 things a narcissist will do when you finally call out their behavior

Narcissists put a lot of effort into looking like they “genuinely” care about others.

Spend enough time with them though and you will notice how entitled and manipulative they can be.

And if you call them out?

They’ll react quite predictably.

Here in this article, I will share 8 things that narcissists do when you finally call them out.

1) Act innocent

Narcissists care a lot about being in a position of “advantage” over other people.

And to them, admitting fault usually puts them at a DISadvantage.

That’s why if you ever confront them about something they did, they’re most likely going to act innocent and deny that they were even involved… even if you have hard evidence that they are.

“Huh? What do you mean?”, they’d say after you tell them that they’re leading people on.

Or “What? I didn’t do anything.”, when you tell them they’re obviously manipulating others.

Push them too far and they’re going to try to not only deny your accusations, but also attack you and throw your words back at you.

2) Shrug and say “I was only trying to help”

They hover over your shoulder, watch your every move, and give you instructions.

What’s annoying is that…you never even asked for any of it in the first place!

And if you call them out, they’ll do their best to make you feel like the world’s biggest a*hole for doing so.

They’ll say things like “woah, I was only trying to help!” or “wow, this is the thanks I get huh?”

And of course, if you mess up after turning down their advice, they’ll get to say that maybe (just maybe) you should have listened to them.

3) They deflect the blame

There’s a reason why I said that narcissists want “an advantage”, instead of saying that they act like they’re never wrong.

Because sometimes admitting fault CAN give them an advantage. 

They can admit fault so that they can fish for sympathy or direct the blame at someone else, for example.

Let’s say you’ve been told that they’re manipulating you. So you confront them, and they’d say something like “I’m sorry, but I had no choice. They were trying to turn you against me, and I got scared!”

Or if you confront them because of how they keep on picking fights with your friends.

They might say “Sorry. I know it’s wrong. But everyone I tried to be friends with ended up betraying me, so it’s hard for me to trust them.”

There’s always a “but”, and that “but” is always followed by a ploy to either gain your sympathy or turn you against someone—including, potentially, yourself!

4) Throw a fit and say “How dare you question my intentions!”

Let’s say that you’re working on a project together, and they’ve been calling the shots for a while now.

You’d be fine with it, but it’s clear to you that they’ve been making decisions that give them an advantage—things like them being assigned the easiest tasks in the group or their personal interests being incorporated into the project.

You can’t help but go “Wait a minute. Why are you making us do something that only benefits YOU?”

But the moment you tell them just that, they… well, they get mad. How dare you assume the worst of them!

They’ll say things like “How dare you question my intentions!” and “Do you really think that I’m like that?” as if the evidence isn’t right there for everyone else to see.

5) “So you don’t love me?”

Nothing is sacred to Narcissists. 

If they’re your partner or a part of your family, they’re not afraid to use your relationship as a weapon to keep you under control.

They won’t take it well if you say “no” or go against their wishes.

They’re going to go “I get it! You don’t love me, you never did!” and maybe even follow up with threats like “I’m leaving!” or “if this is all I’m worth, I might as well die!”

This is something called Vulnerable Narcissism. It usually happens because that person was subject to neglect and abuse as a child. Their narcissism is a natural outcome of them wanting to feel like they’re worth something.

Keep in mind, however, that a tragic backstory is no excuse for any harm they’re causing to their loved ones in the present day.

6) Set you up for failure to prove the point

Make any negative comment about things they’re doing, and they’ll say “Fine. YOU do it then.” 

Sometimes they’ll act more “reasonable” and simply say something like “Yeah, I think someone else ought to take over.”

But even if they let you take charge “gracefully”, the way they act afterwards is anything but.

They’ll be passive-aggressive and try their damndest to be a drag. 

They’ll refuse to cooperate, mess up even the simplest tasks, and commit to weaponised incompetence.

They might even sabotage you by refusing (or neglecting) to share with you important info—like how to decode their notes and why they’ve organized their notes in a certain way.

Their goal is to make you throw your hands up, give up, and let them take charge again.

7) They’d act cool and say “Well, if that’s what YOU think”

Tell them they’re not being a good parent because of X and Y, and they’ll say “Well, if that’s what YOU think.”

They might even smile and add “I respect your opinion” and “Everyone has different opinions and I’m not discounting that.”

Or worse, “Well, only God can judge us.”

They’re not agreeing with you, or letting the matter be. 

What they’re doing is making it a YOU problem, invalidating whatever you had said.

After all, YOU could be wrong.

8) Reassess your relationship

Questioning them will earn you their ire.

They’ll respond by saying things like “Hey, are we really friends?” and “I thought friends would support and help each other no matter what.”

They want you to just shut up and do as they say, while at the same time holding your relationship hostage.

After all, if you’re truly friends, why aren’t you on their side? Why are you contradicting them? Aren’t those things done by one’s enemies?!

True friends are meant to keep their friends from making mistakes, of course. But they don’t care about that! 

They just want someone who’s happy to do their bidding.

Final thoughts

Something that’s worth keeping in mind is that anyone can have these habits—not just narcissists. 

The thing is that while most of us might do these things once in a blue moon or when we’re really desperate, they’re second nature to narcissists. 

They fall back on these reactions in the same way we might respond to “hi” with “hello.”

It can be hard to fathom how someone could be a narcissist if you’re not one yourself.

The best way to deal with narcissists is to acknowledge that you can’t ever fix them, while at the same time acknowledging that you can absolutely end up acting like one if you’re not very careful.

So yes, call them out. But when someone calls you out, make sure not to do the things in this list. 

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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