Ethan Sterling
Being around a narcissist can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. One moment, they’re charming and charismatic, and the next, you’re questioning your self-worth.
Narcissists have a way of making everything about themselves while subtly (or not so subtly) chipping away at your confidence.
The worst part? Their tactics are often so manipulative and calculated that you might not even realize it’s happening until your self-esteem is in shambles.
If you’ve ever felt insignificant or unsure of yourself in a relationship, friendship, or workplace dynamic with a narcissist, it’s not your imagination.
Narcissists thrive on control and power, and one of their favorite tools is undermining the confidence of those around them.
Here are eight things they do to make you doubt yourself and keep you feeling small.
1) They belittle your achievements
You’ve been there, right? You’ve achieved something great, something you’re genuinely proud of, and you can’t wait to share it with them.
But instead of the expected congratulations or a pat on the back, you’re met with indifference or even criticism.
Perhaps it’s a subtle remark that diminishes your accomplishment, or a blatant refusal to acknowledge your success. Maybe they change the subject abruptly, or worse still, they shift the focus onto themselves and their achievements.
Look, it’s never about you. It’s always about them.
Know this: Your achievements are valid, and you have every right to be proud of them. Don’t let anyone – especially not a narcissist – make you feel otherwise.
2) They gaslight you
Here’s a story I’ll never forget.
I was in a relationship with someone who had a knack for twisting reality. We’d have a disagreement, and by the end of it, I’d find myself apologizing, even when I hadn’t done anything wrong.
One day, we had a fight about something I can’t even remember now. She stormed out of the room, and when she returned, she acted as if nothing had happened.
When I brought up the argument, she looked at me as if I were making things up.
“Are you sure that happened?” she asked. “I think you’re remembering it wrong.”
But I wasn’t remembering it wrong. This was gaslighting – a tactic narcissists use to make you question your own sanity and reality.
It’s a powerful tool that can leave you feeling unsure of your own memories and perceptions, undermining your confidence in your ability to trust yourself. They do it subtly and gradually, chipping away at your sense of self until you’re feeling lost and insignificant.
But trust me when I say this: Your perceptions are valid, and no one has the right to tamper with your reality.
3) They constantly criticize you
Narcissists are masters of tearing others down, and constant criticism is one of their go-to strategies.
At first, it might seem subtle—little jabs about how you dress, how you talk, or how you handle things.
But over time, these remarks pile up, leaving you second-guessing yourself. What’s worse, they often disguise their criticism as “helpful advice” or a joke, making it harder to call them out without seeming overly sensitive.
The goal of this behavior is to erode your confidence bit by bit. By making you feel inadequate, they position themselves as superior or indispensable in your life.
They want you to believe you’re not good enough on your own so that you become more reliant on their approval—an approval they’re unlikely to give freely.
The truth is, their criticism has less to do with you and more to do with their need to feel in control. You’re not the problem, and no one has the right to make you feel like you are.
4) They isolate you from your support network
Did you know that many animals in the wild deliberately isolate their prey from the rest of the herd before attacking? In a way, narcissists do something eerily similar.
Over time, they may start to subtly discourage you from spending time with your friends and family. They might make snide comments about your closest confidants or create conflicts that force you to choose between them and your loved ones.
Before you know it, you’re spending less and less time with those who genuinely care about you and more time walking on eggshells around the narcissist. You’re isolated, vulnerable, and easier to control.
This is not a coincidence. Narcissists know that a person with a strong support network is harder to manipulate and undermine.
By severing these ties, they’re ensuring that there’s no one around to challenge their toxic behavior or offer you a reality check.
But let me assure you, true friends and family who care about your well-being will understand and support you through this difficult time. You don’t have to face this alone.
5) They play the victim
This one’s a real kicker.
You finally pluck up the courage to confront them about their behavior. You’re ready, you’re determined, you’re standing up for yourself.
But before you know it, they’ve turned the tables on you. Suddenly, they’re the victim and you’re the villain.
It’s like a magic trick, how quickly they can change roles. One moment they’re the one causing harm, the next they’re crying about how they’ve been wronged, how misunderstood they are, how hard their life is.
And just like that, your resolve crumbles. You find yourself comforting them, apologizing to them. You forget why you confronted them in the first place.
It’s a clever tactic. By playing the victim, they deflect blame and maintain control. They make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself, for daring to challenge them.
But here’s what you need to remember: You have a right to express your feelings and set boundaries. Don’t let their sob stories distract you from holding them accountable for their actions.
6) They give you the silent treatment
You ever feel like you’re talking to a wall? Like no matter what you say or do, you’re met with a cold, unchanging silence that sends chills down your spine?
That’s the silent treatment, and it’s a favorite tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. They use it to punish you, to manipulate you into giving in to their demands, to make you feel insignificant.
The message is clear: You’re not worth their time or attention. Your feelings, your thoughts, your existence – none of it matters unless it serves them.
And the worst part? You start to believe it. You start to think that maybe you did something wrong, that maybe you deserve this treatment.
But let me tell you something: Silence is not communication. It’s control. It’s manipulation. And you deserve better than that.
7) They’re never wrong
I bet you’ve noticed this one. No matter what happens, no matter who’s at fault, the narcissist is never wrong. Not in their world, anyway.
It doesn’t matter if you have solid proof, clear logic, or a room full of witnesses. The narcissist will twist facts, rewrite history, and deny reality just to avoid admitting they were wrong.
And it’s not just about protecting their ego. It’s about undermining your confidence in your own perception and memory. If they can convince you that you’re always wrong and they’re always right, they can control you more easily.
You might start doubting your judgment, questioning your memory, losing faith in your ability to make decisions. And that’s exactly what they want.
Don’t fall for it. Trust yourself. You’re smarter than they give you credit for. You know the truth, and no amount of gaslighting can change that. Remember, it’s not you – it’s them.
8) They use your insecurities against you
Lastly, narcissists have a knack for finding and exploiting your insecurities. They zero in on your self-doubts, your fears, your vulnerabilities, and they use them as weapons to break you down and keep you in check.
Maybe you’re self-conscious about your weight – they’ll make a nasty comment about your eating habits. Maybe you’re insecure about your job – they’ll constantly belittle your achievements and compare you to more “successful” people.
The goal is clear: To make you feel small, insignificant, not good enough. To manipulate you into thinking that you need them, that you couldn’t possibly do any better.
But here’s a truth bomb for you: Your worth is not defined by their cruel words or manipulative actions. You are enough, just as you are. And anyone who makes you feel otherwise doesn’t deserve a place in your life.
Final thoughts
If you’ve been nodding along to these points, chances are, you’re dealing with a narcissist in your life. It’s a tough spot to be in, and it can feel like you’re losing yourself bit by bit.
Recognizing these tactics is the first step towards reclaiming your self-worth. Knowledge is power, and understanding how a narcissist works gives you the tools to start fighting back.
Begin by setting boundaries. Prioritize self-care. Surround yourself with positive influences who lift you up instead of tearing you down.
And remember, it’s okay to ask for help. There are resources out there that provide support and guidance for dealing with narcissistic abuse.
Transforming from a victim to a survivor won’t happen overnight. It’ll be a journey, and there will be bumps along the way. But every step forward, no matter how small, is progress.
So take a deep breath. You’ve got this. Because at the end of the day, you are stronger than any narcissist’s attempt to undermine you. You are significant. And you deserve to be treated as such.
