7 things a narcissist does when you realize they can no longer use you

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Narcissists… they’re everywhere. 

They can be our friends, our bosses, our family members, our husbands and wives, and so on. 

You can be in the most sparsely populated town in the world, and chances are, you’ll run into a few narcissists at some point. 

Given that reality, we should all know how to deal with them. 

Often, we only realize how destructive they can be after their wrath has already been inflicted. 

Don’t let it get to this point.

When a narcissist doesn’t get their way with you, they’ll invariably act out.

And when they do, it can be an ugly sight. 

But once you get a clearer picture of things, you’ll be able to handle the situation with grace and confidence. 

Let’s get to it! 

1) They’ll gaslight you 

When a narcissist feels their initial approach has failed, they’ll turn to plan B–which for many, almost instinctively, means gaslighting

I’ve dated a narcissist before. 

Early in the relationship, when we’d get in fights, I’d often give in easily, regularly falling for her assertions that I was in the wrong. 

But eventually, I caught on. 

So I began standing my ground, trying to salvage my dignity, not letting her trample over my battered ego any longer. 

No longer did I let her win arguments where she was clearly at fault. 

As you can imagine, this sudden revelation didn’t sit well with her.

In a desperate response to my newfound confidence, she’d gaslight me. 

She’d flat-out deny doing or saying certain things, even though we both probably knew she was lying. 

Because I no longer threw in the towel to appease her, she made me doubt my perceptions and sanity, insisting that I deeply misunderstood the situation; and that my facts were off. 

The conviction in her tone was believable enough to make me momentarily consider her case. 

But as difficult as it was, I somehow managed to stay strong. 

If I can do it, you can too.

2) They’ll try to ruin your reputation 

If you’re not in their good graces anymore, the narcissist will often actively find alternative ways to bring you down. 

Case in point: they’ll sometimes talk trash about you behind your back to mutual friends or family. 

They want to discredit you and make you look bad, so they’ll heavily exaggerate, fabricate stories, and twist facts to damage your reputation. 

Since you no longer roll over for their benefit, they feel triggered, despite not having any right to be. 

If you notice a few unsavory rumors going on about you, chances are, you can trace them back to a narcissist. 

3) They’ll discard you 

Since a narcissist by definition will almost always put themselves ahead of others, they won’t think twice about “discarding” you like a disposable razor. 

This means they’ll give you the silent treatment in hopes of hurting and confusing you. 

They’ll cut off all communication, ominously going dark for a lengthy period. 

Your calls will go unanswered; your messages might be ‘seen’ but never acknowledged. 

They want you to suffer since they perceive you have wronged them. 

Discarding is a typical tactic for a narcissist when they feel their rule over you is waning. 

Don’t fall for it. 

4) They’ll guilt-trip you 

Here’s a shocker: Narcissists also love playing the victim. 

It doesn’t matter if they’re in the wrong (and they are aware of it), they’ll still turn to guilt tactics in a frantic attempt to regain power. 

They’ll pull out all the stops, twisting reality to make you seem like the bad guy; while they assume the role of the innocent, well-meaning victim.

They’ll weaponize things like sympathy and nostalgia, making their case all the more compelling.

Narcissists love to have their cake and eat it too. They use you and expect you to bend over and take it. 

So if you’ve rightfully decided to set boundaries, this often will not sit well with them. 

They’ll turn to guilt and blame, using far-out reasoning to suggest you’re the one at fault. 

Not cool. 

5) They’ll overcompensate 

If they believe there’s still something to gain from you, they’ll put on an Oscar-worthy performance, as they try their best to persuade you into rejoining the relationship. 

They can be incredibly convincing. 

They’ll promise you the world; that they’ll be better, that they’ll change overnight. 

Maybe they’ll even shower you with love, affection, and praise. 

And when they realize they have you back in their grip? 

Their enthusiasm fades quickly and they return to their old ways. 

Be vigilant. Falling for their tricks and deceit becomes all too easy if you’re not careful. 

6) They’ll use triangulation tactics  

Narcissists are fully aware of how powerful the emotion of jealousy can be

Hence, they’ll sometimes resort to introducing a third person. 

They seek to manipulate your emotions and essentially make you feel like crap; as this weakened state allows them to take advantage with far greater ease. 

We touched on my ex earlier, but I think she’s worth bringing up again. 

After we mutually agreed to take “a break,” weeks later, she made it resoundingly known that she had been seeing (and sleeping) with her ex. 

Given the circumstances of the time, I can only assume her sudden disclosure was an attempt to make me pine for her with greater intensity; to expedite the process of giving each other space and rekindling. 

But thankfully, her efforts backfired. 

With the help and moral support of friends and family, it made me distance myself even further. 

Frankly, I dodged a bullet.  Unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky. 

7) They’ll try to intimidate you 

In more severe cases, a narcissist will try to intimidate you into giving in to their demands. 

This can mean they’ll make subtle, veiled threats about revealing your deepest secrets to the public; or they might make more overt threats against you or people you care about as a way of exerting influence over you. 

Perhaps they’ll actively keep tabs on you via social media, and mutual friends… and worst of all, they’ll “happen to be” at places they know you frequent. 

They’re not ready to let you go and act independently of them, so they’ll act accordingly. 

Final words 

Dealing with a narcissist (particularly after a fallout) is no walk in the park. 

It takes strength, resilience, and thick skin. 

Many have tried to walk away, but somehow end up getting sucked back in. 

In case you haven’t noticed, the narcissist is an expert at manipulating situations to come out on top. 

Reach out to family, friends, or counselors. 

As mentioned, my friends helped me get past the most prominent narcissist of my life. 

Without them, I’d probably end up caving. 

If I can do it, you can too. Stay the course and stand your ground; don’t give in and let them win. You got this. 

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