7 things a narcissist does when you realize they can no longer use you

Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can be a rollercoaster ride.

When you finally see through their manipulation tactics, things can take a different turn.

Narcissists are notorious for using others to their advantage, but what happens when you become aware of their games?

This is when they pull out all the stops to regain control.

In this article, we’ll delve into the seven things a narcissist does when they realize they can no longer use you.

Let’s break down their tactics and learn how to stand our ground.

1) They turn on the charm

Narcissists are experts at manipulation.

When they realize you’ve caught on to their game, their first instinct is often to ramp up the charm.

They might suddenly become more attentive, loving, or generous, trying to win back your favor.

It’s a calculated move, designed to make you second-guess your decision and draw you back into their sphere of influence.

But don’t be fooled. This ‘charm offensive’ is just another tactic in their playbook. It’s crucial to remember why you started distancing yourself in the first place.

Stick to your guns, and don’t let their sudden change of heart sway you from your path.

2) They play the victim

In my own experience with narcissists, this is a common tactic.

When they realized they could no longer use me, they suddenly became the victim.

I remember one instance where an ex-partner, who was a classic narcissist, started blaming me for all their issues when I finally stood up to them.

According to them, I was the reason for their failures, their unhappiness, and even their health problems.

It was as if overnight, I had become the villain in their story.

This is a classic narcissistic tactic – playing the victim to gain sympathy and control.

Recognize it for what it is – manipulation. Don’t let them rewrite your narrative to suit their needs. Stick to your truth.

3) They resort to gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic narcissists often use to make you question your reality.

The term “gaslighting” actually comes from a 1944 film called “Gaslight,” in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane.

In the context of a narcissistic relationship, gaslighting could look like the narcissist denying things that happened or twisting the truth to fit their narrative.

When they realize they can’t use you anymore, they may employ this tactic more frequently, hoping to confuse you and regain control.

Trust your instincts and your memory. Don’t let them distort your reality.

4) They try to isolate you

Narcissists understand the power of support networks.

When they realize they can’t control you, they may attempt to isolate you from your friends and family.

They might spread rumors, create misunderstandings, or even outright demand that you cut ties with your loved ones.

This is designed to make you feel alone and vulnerable, increasing their chances of regaining control.

Don’t let them. Keep your support network strong. Reach out to trusted friends and family, and share your experiences with them. You’re not alone.

5) They threaten or intimidate

This was a hard one for me.

When I put my foot down and refused to be used any longer, I was met with intimidation and threats.

It’s scary, standing up to someone who has had so much power over you. But I realized that these threats were just desperate attempts to regain control.

They’d say things like, “You’ll never find someone like me,” or “You’ll regret this.” It was all designed to make me feel small and powerless.

But remembering my worth and standing firm against these threats was a crucial step in breaking free from their control.

It might be tough, but don’t let their threats intimidate you. You are stronger than you think.

6) They try to make you jealous

Narcissists thrive on attention and validation.

So when they can no longer use you, they might try to provoke jealousy by flaunting new relationships or successes.

They want you to feel like you’re missing out, or that they’re better off without you.

This is just another manipulation tactic. Their apparent happiness or success has nothing to do with your worth or your decisions.

Stay focused on your own growth and happiness, and don’t let their actions affect your peace of mind.

7) They may resort to hoovering

If all else fails, a narcissist might resort to “hoovering“.

This term, derived from the famous vacuum cleaner brand, refers to their attempts to suck you back into the relationship.

They might send you messages out of the blue, reminiscing about good times or apologizing for their actions, promising they’ve changed.

It’s crucial to understand this for what it is: a final attempt to regain control and pull you back into their toxic cycle.

Actions speak louder than words. Don’t let them suck you back in. Stand your ground and protect your peace.

The ultimate takeaway

Every interaction with a narcissist is a lesson in understanding human behavior and our own emotional resilience.

One crucial fact we learn through such experiences is the concept of ‘narcissistic supply‘.

This term refers to the attention or validation that narcissists crave from others to feed their inflated egos.

When you realize they can no longer use you, a narcissist’s actions are typically fueled by their desperate need to regain this narcissistic supply.

Understanding this gives us a unique perspective on their behaviors and tactics. It’s not about you but about their need for control and validation.

In essence, dealing with a narcissist can be a journey of personal growth. It teaches us the importance of boundaries, self-worth, and emotional resilience.

As you navigate the aftermath of a narcissistic relationship, remember to reflect on your own strength and the lessons you’ve learned.

They are invaluable tools in your journey toward healing and self-discovery.