Liv Walde
The moment you decide to stand up to a manipulator is a powerful one.
It’s a turning point, a declaration of independence, a refusal to be their puppet any longer.
But be prepared because this act of defiance won’t go unnoticed.
Manipulators are masters of control, and they have a whole arsenal of tricks up their sleeves to try and regain their power over you.
One of their most common weapons? Text messages. Not your first guess, I’d wager, but these virtual attacks still come with a sting to them.
You’d want to be prepared yourself should any of these weaponized texts come your way.
So, without further ado, let’s decode 8 of the most common texts a manipulator might send when you dare to challenge them:
1) “Wow, I never thought you’d say that to me. I’ve always been there for you, and this is how you repay me? I’m so hurt.” (aka guilt-tripping.)
This text is designed to make you feel like the villain.
The manipulator is essentially twisting the narrative, painting themselves as the victim of your “cruelty.”
On top of making you out to be the bad guy, they’re also preying on your empathy and sense of responsibility, hoping you’ll back down and apologize.
Imagine you’ve decided to end a toxic friendship. Your manipulative friend might send you a text like, “I can’t believe you’re abandoning me like this. After everything we’ve been through, I thought we were closer than that. You’ve broken me.”
But before you start getting awash with pity, try not to fall for their guilt trip.
Remind yourself of the reasons why you’re ending the relationship in the first place and stand firm in your decision.
If you do think a response is necessary, try keep it emotionally cool and say something like, “I understand you’re hurt, but I need to prioritize my well-being. This isn’t about you, it’s about what’s best for me.”
2) “Oh, okay. 👍🙂” (aka passive-aggressive emojis.)
This seems innocent, but the emojis conceal a far more sinister undertone…
Because even amongst a cheery thumbs up and a smiley face, the manipulator is concealing thinly veiled anger and resentment. They’re trying to appear nonchalant while secretly seething.
Maybe you tell your manipulative partner you’re not comfortable with them going out with their ex. They respond with a thumbs-up emoji followed by a smiley face.
They’ll likely end up twisting your arm and doing what they want, regardless of your response.
Either way, don’t let their passive-aggressive behavior deter you. If you feel the need to respond, keep it brief, factual, and calm. Maybe even a polite, “Thanks for understanding!”
3) “You’re overreacting. I never said/did that. You’re always twisting my words.” (aka Gaslighting.)
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the manipulator makes you question your own sanity and memory.
They deny reality, making you doubt your own perception of events.
In this type of situation, you might confront your manipulative partner about a hurtful comment they made.
They respond with, “You’re being too sensitive. I never even said that! You’re always misinterpreting things and causing drama for no reason.”
If they start playing on the defensive, trust your instincts and stand your ground.
Don’t let them rewrite history to favor them.
Reinstate that you’re aware of what happened, and you won’t allow yourself to be taken for a fool: “I know what I heard, and it was hurtful. Don’t try to gaslight me.”
4) “Babe, I miss you so much. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Let’s forget about this silly argument and get back to being happy.” (aka love bombing.)
Love bombing is a tactic where the manipulator showers you with affection and attention in a bid to gain (or regain) your trust and affection.
It’s a way to distract you from their bad behavior, make you feel guilty for being upset, and get you eating back out of the palm of their hand.
So, throw caution to the wind if, after a heated argument, your manipulative partner suddenly becomes overly affectionate.
If you left things in flames and they’re suddenly sending you texts filled with compliments and declarations of love, they might be doing so out of some ulterior motives.
Don’t let their sudden change of heart fool you.
Remember the pain they caused you (although avoid clinging to the memory of pain so much so that you never let go), and don’t allow yourself to be swept away by their temporary charm offensive.
5) “If you don’t stop this nonsense, you’ll regret it. I know things about you that could ruin your life.” (aka threatening.)
Things aren’t going their way, so it’s time to pull out the big guns and start threatening ominous sounding things.
Beware of any text which comes across as a blatant attempt to intimidate and control you.
You’ve likely riled the manipulator up to a point where they’re having to resort to threats to make you comply with their wishes.
Maybe you finally put your foot down and tell them you’re not covering for their infidelities anymore, or not loaning them any more money.
Instead of measured composure, they’re suddenly threatening to end you and your family.
Better sleep with one eye open!
But before you let their threats scare you, take a minute to step back and take a deep breath.
Stand your ground and remind yourself that you have the right to set boundaries.
If the threats do worry you, consider seeking support from loved ones or professionals.
6) “I’m going through a really rough time right now. I’m having a bad hair day, I spilt my coffee, and my parents are cutting me off. Can’t you just be a little more understanding?” (aka a pity party.)
Now, if someone just lost their job and has a sick dog, you should play a little softer than usual.
But the nifty thing about manipulators is that these things often haven’t happened.
And if they’re being honest about their ‘reasons’ (as above), they’re likely not even that pitiful in the first place.
They are often masters at forging sob-stories worthy of an Oscar.
Enough puppy eyes and crocodile tears, and they think themselves capable of guilting you into giving them what they want by playing the victim card.
They want you to feel sorry for them and forget about your own needs.
You might receive this message after your manipulative friend cancels plans at the last minute, citing a litany of problems.
Instead of feeling hard done by for being flaked on an hour before you were set to meet, they make you feel like you’re being selfish. Purely for wanting to spend time with them.
Offer support if you can, but don’t let them guilt you into neglecting your own needs. You might say, “I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time, but I also had plans. Maybe we can reschedule for another day.”
7) No text at all
If you’ve had radio silence from the manipulator, consider whether they’re choosing to go down the silent treatment route.
Blocking yourself off from someone and going silent is a passive-aggressive way to punish you for not complying with their wishes.
It’s designed to make you feel anxious, guilty, and desperate for their attention.
So, if ever you try to express a different opinion than your manipulative partner, and they suddenly stop responding to your texts and calls, they might be choosing to punish you with silence.
They’re not happy with how you acted or what you did, they won’t tell you, but they’ll leave you wondering what you did wrong.
As uneasy as you might feel, try not to let their silence control you. Focus on yourself and your own well-being. If they want to talk, they’ll reach out when they’re ready.
8) “This is all your fault. If you hadn’t said/done X, Y, and Z, none of this would have happened.” (aka blaming you.)
It’s rare that any manipulator accepts responsibility and accountability for their actions.
Instead, they’d far rather blame you for their mistakes and shortcomings, deflecting any accountability.
This deflection extends also to texting, where their excuses and rationalizing will be even more drawn out out dramatic.
Say, for example, your manipulative partner cheats on you. Instead of apologizing, they blame you for not giving them enough attention.
(Having been in this exact place myself, I’d advise you not to accept their blame.)
Remember, their actions are their own responsibility, and no guilt-tripping or blame evasion can place you as the guilty party for someone else’s wrongdoings.
So, what now?
Standing up to a manipulator and setting boundaries is a massive leap towards personal empowerment. But as you’ve seen, it’s not always a smooth ride.
Expect some turbulence, some emotional whiplash, and a whole lot of manipulative texts designed to pull you back into their web.
The good news? You’re onto their tricks. You see through their thinly veiled insults, guilt trips, and passive-aggressive emojis. You’re not falling for their gaslighting, love bombing, or pity parties. You’re standing tall, refusing to be a pawn in their game.
So, when those manipulative texts start rolling in, take a deep breath and remember:
- You’re not crazy. Their words are designed to make you doubt yourself, but trust your instincts.
- You’re not responsible for their happiness. You have the right to put your own needs first.
- You’re not alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support.
Standing up for yourself is never easy, but it’s always worth it.
So don’t ever let those manipulative texts sour your mood or spoil your day.
Keep shining your light, and remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and healthy relationships.
