6 things a man will usually do when he’s falling in love, according to psychology

Whistling to bluebirds. Singing in the rain. Dancing in the streets. Jumping for joy.

Are these the things a man will usually do when he’s falling in love?

While that’s what the movies would like us to think, the normal signs are a whole lot more subtle. But that doesn’t mean they’re not there.

Psychologists have spent decades studying just what it means when a person is in love and first falls in love. They have some really incredible insights to offer that you may not have had any idea about.

Yet their findings are tried and tested, so you can believe that they’re true.

You might not always have the brain-scanning equipment and research capabilities that professional psychologists do. Instead, you can use their research to teach you what to look out for, whether you’re trying to find out if your man is falling for you or if you’re a man truly falling for someone else.

So, without further ado, here are six things a man will usually do when he’s falling in love, according to psychology!

1) He’ll want to be with you and be with you

One of the easiest signs to spot that a man is falling in love is that he wants to be with you night and day. It’s in all the songs, after all, so we know psychologists weren’t the first to observe this phenomenon.

At the same time, it might be hard to distinguish this desire to be close to you, both physically and emotionally, from lust.

After all, men who lust after same or opposite-sex individuals want to touch them, be close to them, smell them, and, of course, have sex with them.

But look more closely. 

According to psychological studies, lust is directed at viable sexual partners, plural, while love is (normally) directed only at one individual. 

A man’s sex drive certainly increases when he’s in love. In fact, men are highly susceptible to visual signaling and “show more activity in a region of the right posterior dorsal insula (an area correlating with penile turgidity and viewing of beautiful faces).”

Yep, they get chubbies.

But they’re also into pair bonding. Not bondage – this is what scientists call it when animals including people, like to stick together as couples.

Sex releases AVP (arginine vasopressin) in men’s brains, a hormone that increases pair bonding and satisfaction. This makes a man want to be close to you and encourages relationships.

By the way – you know all that hype about sex being really good for you?

It turns out that the benefits that go beyond simple exercise only occur if there is affection thrown into the mix. So, if your man is after you for sex, shows affection, and feels wonderful afterward, chances are he loves you.

2) He’ll have eyes only for you

What happens when a man is in a relationship that he’s happy about and secure in?

If you still worry that he might be looking around for alternatives, you’d be wrong.

According to a study of attention and gaze, the more satisfied a man is with his partner, the less he’ll pay attention to other men or women, whatever floats his boat.

Researchers took men with different levels of relationship satisfaction and plopped them down in front of stacks of pictures of attractive mates. They then watched how they behaved as they went through the images.

What they found was that some men spent a lot longer studying the faces and bodies shown in the pictures while other men basically glanced and set them aside.

That behavior happened to correlate to how happy they were with their partners.

Really happy men spent little time looking at the alternatives, while discontented men spent ages.

Look, heads will turn, and eyes will wander occasionally. We can’t help what we find beautiful and attractive.

But if a man rarely loses focus on his beau, it’s a sign that he’s deeply invested, very contented, and likely in love.

3) He’ll treat you with respect

It’s hard to love someone if you don’t respect them as a romantic partner, anyway.

You might have a lazy sister or a drunk uncle who you still love platonically, but a partner that you really don’t respect? What about them would you even be loving?

The Gottman Institute, founded by a couple of psychologists, specializes in couple dynamics and therapy.

Their research has shown that couples who behave respectfully to each other have a much higher chance of staying together than those who don’t.

They suggest that respectful communication is one of the key signs that shows whether a relationship will be viable or not. By this, they mean interacting and speaking to each other in ways that are positive, constructive, and fair.

They suggest that excessive criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt are clear signs that relationships aren’t going well.

So, what has all this got to do with the signs a man is falling in love?

It’s exactly these symptoms that you won’t see from a man who’s gaga over his partner!

Instead, he’ll treat them with immense respect and courtesy, valuing their opinions and thoughts and welcoming their input.

If your man treats you this way, it’s a great sign that he’s head over heels for you.

4) He’ll need you

According to psychological research, love can feel like a basic need as important as food and water.

Research into brain activation found that when people who were deeply in love were shown pictures of their beloveds while in MRI machines, their brains did something very unexpected. 

Seeing these pictures activated the ventral tegmental area of their midbrain. This area is involved in basic reflexes like swallowing and this suggested to the researchers that being in love affects the brain like a basic need.

In other words, if your man is thirsty for you, he might actually be thirsty for you!

Other studies show that the brain’s reward center is activated when people get a dose of the object of their love. A simple look or the sound of their voice can flood a man’s brain with oxytocin, adrenaline, and dopamine.

Does this chemical cocktail sound familiar?

If it does, that’s probably because these are all feel-good hormones that a lot of addictive drugs also affect.

When a man is falling in love, the object of his love can get him high. They’ll be something he needs and can’t get enough of!

5) He might struggle to keep his head on straight

We’ve already looked a bit at the hormones and brain areas that get activated when people are in love.

We all know that hormones can affect behavior, so it’s no wonder that with this new heady cocktail of hormones floating around in their bodies, loved-up men might be prone to unusual behavior.

According to one study, how deeply a man falls in love may depend in part on his attachment style.

Men with anxious attachment fall the hardest, showing intense feelings and also following a lot of the stereotypical myths about love, such as believing in “The One” and only person out there who’s right for them.

They may become totally preoccupied with the objects of their desire but also fear rejection and abandonment.

This can cause some wild behavior, such as making vows of extreme devotion, being unable to sleep or eat, obsessing over their loved one, and even jealously keeping them away from others.

After all, they say that all’s fair in love and war, and some men’s love behavior might not be as lovely as you might hope! 

6) He’ll be wiped out

A man will sleep like a baby when he’s falling in love once he finally gets to sleep.

Research shows that when men fall in love, they experience euphoria, which is at least partly due to the hormones we’ve already mentioned. They feel great, buzzed, and loved up, while serotonin levels that help you relax diminish.

If this sounds like someone high on drugs, you’re not too far off!

During the early stages of falling in love, a man will also put himself in danger.

I’m not just talking about reckless acts that he might perform to get attention from his beloved, though there may be some of these, too.

He’ll also put himself at risk of heartache by putting himself out there and opening his heart up to a new person. 

If you add this up, it’s like he’s on a massive, risky love bender.

When he finally manages to rest each day, he’ll often crash hard. He’ll be physically and emotionally exhausted from trying to deal with these intense feelings.

Final thoughts

Now that you know what they are, you can look out for these six things a man will usually do when he’s falling in love, according to psychology.

When you start to notice a bunch of these clues, there’s a good chance you’ve discovered a smitten kitten. I hope that makes you happy!

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