I’ve got news for you ladies:
We set the tone for how we are treated.
Sure, there are bound to be assholes that come along and try to push their luck.
But we hold the power to make the rules that protect us and ensure we find the relationship we deserve.
If you want the best, you can’t settle for second-rate.
That means there are certain behaviors that we should all aspire to in a relationship.
Meanwhile, there are others that high-value women will never tolerate…
1) Flaky behavior
Consistency is key.
We don’t want flattering words that aren’t backed up with action.
They may be nice to hear, but they lack sincerity when met with flakiness.
We’ve all dealt with this problem when it comes to dating:
You really like them, you seem to get on great, and you want things to progress.
But it’s difficult for that to happen without consistency in both effort and affection.
The hot and cold romance is the epitome of this.
They are sliding into your DM’s and non-stop texting you one moment, but the next they do a disappearing act.
- Showing up late for dates
- Cancelling or rescheduling plans
- “Forgetting” to text or call you back
- Leaving you on read
- Poor communication in general
All of this paints a clear picture, whether we like it or not:
They’re not that invested.
Flaky behavior is often a direct result of the next big no-no on our list.
2) Emotional unavailability
I distinctly remember the time in my life when I decided:
No more Peter Pans.
I was tired of the boys that never grew up into a man.
Sure, they could be fun, charming, and playful. But it always came to nothing. Because when push came to shove, they’d never commit.
They weren’t at that stage in life where they were ready to embrace the vulnerability of love and a relationship.
Rather than wait around and hope they one day might, I knew I had to change my strategy.
It was time to push them aside and make room exclusively for a man who was already emotionally available.
- Express how they feel and what they want
- Be vulnerable, open and take a risk on love
- Make the effort
- Work through problems and challenges instead of cutting and running
A high-value woman knows that you cannot and should not try to talk someone into maturity, it has to come from them.
Otherwise, you’re just wasting your precious time and energy.
3) An imbalance of power (or effort)
I’ve often heard it said that one partner in a relationship “wears the trousers”. Meaning one has a stronger hand in guiding the relationship and its future.
But I think this is a misunderstanding. Both partners bring different qualities to a relationship.
The fact that we have different personalities and styles can make one more laid back than the other. Yet dynamically, that doesn’t have to mean one is in charge.
It’s also super important for the overall health of a relationship that both are putting in the same energy and effort, even if it’s in their own unique way.
A high-value woman demands equality in her relationship.
- You find the sweet spot where both needs and wants are heard and considered
- You make choices together as a team
- You pull together and share responsibilities (and chores)
It is always an unhealthy balance if you are doing all the work to try to make up for the lack at the other end.
4) Put downs and disparagement
Not too long ago I was at a dinner party with a mixed group of people. Some were friends, some I was just getting to know.
There was one couple at the table whose behavior made me cringe.
This woman’s husband made dig after dig, whilst she sat there and tried to shrug it off.
Many were passively aggressively masked in humor, yet it didn’t do a lot to soften the blow.
Over the course of the meal he managed to call her:
- “Totally useless”
- “Such an idiot”
- “Not very gifted in the brains department”
Quite frankly, I don’t know how (or why) she put up with it.
A partner is meant to lift us up and be our cheerleader.
It’s demoralizing and disrespectful (and potentially abusive) if they make digs, hurl insults, or attempt to downtread us.
Admittedly, sometimes when tempers fray, we can lack the emotional tools to handle conflict in the best way, but even then it’s no excuse.
We deserve to be treated and spoken to with respect. Anyone who doesn’t should be unceremoniously kicked to the curb.
5) Dishonesty, lies and secrecy
I’m going to kick off with a little caveat.
Because one thing we are all entitled to in life and in our relationships is privacy.
Getting into a relationship doesn’t give us the right to know every single thing someone else thinks, does, or feels.
A certain level of autonomy (both emotional and practical) between a couple strengthens rather than weakens their bond.
But bullshit in a relationship is a totally different matter.
We’re talking about:
- Lies and deceit
- A misleading lack of transparency or disclosure
- Keeping important secrets
Whilst the obvious one that springs to mind is cheating, there are lots of ways that a lack of honesty damages a relationship.
The bottom line is:
When we’re not open with each other, we cannot communicate sincerely.
6) A lack of support and empathy
Even in this day and age, research suggests that women still can end up doing more of the so-called emotional labor in society.
For pleny of women, stepping up to the plate emotionally to make up for any shortfallings from their partner may seem to come naturally.
But sociologist Rebecca Erickson argues it’s another construct that has turned into an expectation for women to be better at that sort of stuff:
“Part of what the research on this shows is that women’s increased propensity to engage in emotion work is not related to their sex but really their gender and the position that they have served in the family and in friendship groups, in society.”
A high-value woman expects to be given the same emotional support and understanding that she dishes out.
That means she wants someone who:
- Listens to her thoughts, feelings, and needs
- Is non-judgemental
- Gently encourages her
- Shows compassion and reassurance
7) Game playing
Game playing can show up in so many ways.
- Controlling behavior
In its most simple form, you might feel like someone is purposely playing with your emotions to try to get a reaction.
For example, they cool off slightly to try to keep you guessing or they go out of their way to flirt with someone in an attempt to make you jealous.
It smacks of emotional immaturity.
Rather than use their words, they devise childish little games to try to get what they want.
It might be accompanied by other manipulation techniques like the silent treatment, guilt trips, and projection.
When it really goes unchecked, it can escalate into full-blown controlling behavior.
That’s when people are vulnerable to gaslighting and more menacing attempts at trying to keep you in check.
First, a high-value woman must know her worth
A high-value woman knows her worth and understands the importance of setting boundaries to uphold it.
That’s why she won’t tolerate behaviors that undermine her well-being or compromise her values.
Often the best way to attract high-value relationships into our lives is to strengthen our fundamental relationship with ourselves.
The better acquainted we become with ourselves, the better we get a picking partners who are right for us.
This greater self-awareness can lead to a stronger sense of self-acceptance, self-love, and self-belief.
These are critical elements for truly knowing and believing in our value.