Confidence in a relationship is the concrete that holds a relationship together. But with 45-50% of married couples divorcing in the U.S., you might wonder whether you’re confident or putting on a show.
But what is confidence?
It’s setting clear red lines in the sand, but it’s not about dominance. It’s not about being the alpha male. It’s not about pretending you’re Andrew Tate and being a Top G.
None of these traits make you strong. They hide weakness.
So, if you’re wondering what defines confidence in a relationship, here’s where confident men draw the lines.
1) They don’t do disrespect
Confident men may not care what other people think, but that doesn’t mean they won’t stand up if they believe they have been disrespected.
Bold, bright humans know their worth and never surround themselves with those who belittle or disrespect them.
Yet a surprising number of people allow it, with 80% of men and women reporting emotional abuse in a relationship at some point in their lives.
But you want to be respected by your partner, and something must be done before you can win that respect.
2) They don’t make excuses
You say you won’t tolerate disrespect, but you’re inviting disrespect if you act like a whiny man-child who can’t step up and take responsibility.
We all make mistakes, and it’s perfectly natural to hunt for ways out of those holes. But when you’re constantly making excuses and blaming something else, you demonstrate your lack of confidence.
Plus, excuses are what emotional manipulators love to make. Now, here’s a controversial trait of men who are confident in their relationships.
3) They won’t settle down
Settling down is often the subject of japes and mockery among friends and family. But while the eternal “hilarity” of the ol’ ball and chain joke has never disappeared, confident men can and do settle down – just not on someone else’s terms.
Confident men know their worth and control their destinies. They don’t accept someone holding them back. They find someone who helps them to grow as people.
Whether that means settling down and starting a family or traveling the world, confident men don’t settle.
4) They will not accept being controlled
Too often, confidence is associated with free spirits who will never accept being controlled. Unfortunately, this is often twisted to mean that strong men dominate their partners because they are the “men of the house.”
Again, this is an issue where so many people miss the point.
Confident men don’t recognize relationships as a power struggle where dominance must be established. They see relationships as a mutual collaboration that enriches their lives and equips them with the tools to satisfy their needs and go further.
Not accepting being under somebody else’s thumb also means there are other traits confident men won’t accept. Read on to find out more.
5) They don’t tell or accept lies
Whether a lie is black or white, a lie is a lie. Someone hiding the truth is always a major red flag, and it works both ways.
If you feel like you’re dating Leonardo DiCaprio’s character, fraudster Frank Abagnale Jr., out of Catch Me If You Can, you’re not dealing with a confident man.
Confident men don’t use deception when dealing with their partners because they don’t have to. They’re not trying to shift the power dynamics in a relationship because they don’t see why they should have to.
Likewise, they won’t tolerate their partner lying to them.
6) They support their partners physically, mentally, and emotionally
Remember when we said confident men view relationships as a collaboration rather than a battle?
That’s why confident men are renowned for supporting their partners by acknowledging their needs and fulfilling their promises. Whether it’s a simple pat on the back or a shoulder to cry on during a difficult time, they give, take, and reciprocate.
Dating a confident man means taking on your biggest cheerleader, but they also expect the same in return.
7) They won’t stab you in the back
Nearly one in five Americans in monogamous relationships claim their partner has cheated on them. If there’s one thing men with any shred of self-respect won’t tolerate, it’s playing with people’s emotions or stabbing them in the back.
Confident men don’t need to seek the arms of another person to feel better about themselves. Nor do they require their partner’s praise to feel confident in themselves. These two factors give them rock-solid reliability and zero tolerance for anything less in others.
But this isn’t the only negative trait confident men refuse to have anything to do with. Read on to discover the other traits that make them what they are.
8) They refuse to play the manipulation game
Relationship manipulation from either party is a form of emotional abuse. And it’s sadly more common than it should be. An average of 24 people per minute are victims of physical/sexual violence and/or stalking, and this behavior usually begins with emotional abuse.
Confident men have their own voice and strength. Like Whoopi Goldberg’s character in The Color Purple, they understand their physical and emotional resilience and the impact of abuse. And so, they won’t partake in manipulation and will run at the first signs of manipulation from a partner.
Ask yourself, “Are you secure in yourself if you need to manipulate your partner?” Beware because you might not like the answer.
9) They are never jealous
Jealousy is the ultimate form of insecurity. Jealous men can’t stand a partner who can operate perfectly well without them. Jealous men crave what others don’t because it’s their source of self-esteem.
On the other hand, confident men understand what they are and what they bring to the table. They are fine whether someone else is sitting at their table or not. If they notice signs of jealousy during the main course, they’ll be out of there before dessert.
But while looking at confident men and seeing them as an island is easy, this isn’t correct. Here’s what a confident man really is.
10) They will always give their partner the time and attention they deserve
Confident men who can be happy within themselves, single and coupled, aren’t emotional deserts. They’re the opposite.
Yes, they can stand alone and be happy, but they also understand the values of healthy relationships. They’re not afraid to express their emotions or show their vulnerabilities through meaningful conversation with an intimate partner.
When confident men enter a relationship, they go in with all guns blazing. That means listening, hearing, acknowledging, and acting in the best interests of their partner and themselves.
11) They lift their partners up instead of bringing them down
Like everything, there’s a time and a place for biting remarks and taking somebody down a notch. But not in a healthy relationship.
Strong men don’t fall for back-handed compliments or sly comments. They choose to be where their heart leads them.
That’s why cruelty doesn’t figure in their constellations.
12) They back up their words with actions
Strong men hold themselves to the highest moral principles and expect the same from those in their inner circles.
For example, did you ever prepare for a date only for the other person to flake out on you at the last minute? We’ve all pined after someone we could never have because we always believed there was still a chance.
Years later, would you do the same?
A confident man wouldn’t. Unless it’s an extremely rare occurrence or there’s a damn good reason for a last-minute cancellation, they will follow through on their promises and expect the same from their partners.
Show yourself to be a reliable person 99% of the time, and you’ll always be someone a confident man can rely on.
But everyone slips sometimes. Let’s look at the difference between a confident man and a weak man.
13) They don’t use the past as a weapon
The modus operandi of the emotional manipulator is to bring up the past. They love to keep a scorecard, and they’ll raise the dead when they’ve messed up.
Confident men apologize and move on with their lives. They don’t return to the past or try to get out of a bad situation by using a previous incident against you. Why? Because they’re confident enough to know that they’re not perfect, and that’s okay.
If you can’t let things go, confident people won’t stick around.
Match yourself up with the right people
Knowing your worth is all part of being a mature adult. But don’t mistake confident men for arrogant men. They don’t overcompensate, and their overwhelming concern isn’t being the “alpha male.”
Whether platonic or intimate, if you want to catch the eye of a man with genuine confidence in himself, he’s looking for those same traits in you.
High moral standards and practicing what you preach are the twin pillars that confident men want to see in anyone they allow into their lives. If you’re determined to build new connections, reflect on yourself and figure out where you need to improve.