In today’s fast-paced and unpredictable world, we are constantly bombarded with experiences and challenges that stir up a wide range of emotions.
We’ve all experienced feelings that completely overwhelm us, whether it’s the stress from work, the joy of a new relationship, or the despair of loss.
A few years back, I found myself trapped in a whirlwind of emotions. Instead of addressing my feelings, I tried burying them, only to feel even more trapped. Sound familiar?
What if these emotions, rather than being your enemy, could be your ally?
This is something I discovered a few years back. It completely transformed my perspective on life and gave me the tools to harness the power of my emotions.
It is called emotional agility and Harvard Medical School professor and psychologist Susan David describes it as engaging with our emotions mindfully and taking aligned actions based on our values.
It is a skill set that offers insights into understanding, processing, and leveraging emotions to our advantage, allowing us to thrive even in the most tumultuous times.
In fact, it’s like having a GPS for navigating through our emotional world!
What are the 3 key ingredients of emotional agility?
1) Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Emotional intelligence goes beyond just identifying whether we’re happy, sad, or angry. It involves understanding the nuances of our emotions as well as others.
It promotes healthier interpersonal relationships because we can anticipate how others might feel or react and respond in ways that acknowledge and respect those feelings.
A key aspect of EQ is not just understanding emotions but also being able to manage and regulate them. This might mean calming ourselves when we’re anxious or finding outlets for anger that are constructive rather than destructive.
Mindfulness teaches us to observe our emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. This helps in avoiding the trap of immediately reacting to feelings or suppressing them.
Often, our bodies give clues about our emotional state before we consciously recognize it. Mindfulness practices can increase our awareness of these physical signals and have been shown to reduce stress and increase emotional resilience.
This is partly because they teach us to sit with discomfort and see emotions as transient, changing states rather than fixed parts of our identity.
3) Values-aligned action
Before we can act in alignment with our values, we must know what they are. This involves self-reflection and, at times, challenging introspection.
What truly matters to us? Is it family? Integrity? Adventure? Compassion? Or something else?
Once we’re clear on our values, we can assess where the actions we take might not be aligned with them.
This gap analysis can be a powerful motivator for change. For instance, if we value health but regularly skip workouts or choose unhealthy foods, recognizing this gap can push us toward better habits.
Our values aren’t always static. As we grow and our lives change, our values might shift too. Regularly revisiting and re-evaluating them ensures that our actions remain aligned with what truly matters to us.
If you are unclear about your values, click here to do a free Defining Your Values exercise.
What are the benefits of becoming more emotionally agile?
1) Clarity of thought
When we’re emotionally reactive, it’s easy to get clouded by strong feelings, leading to impulsive decisions. Emotional agility allows us to see situations more objectively, increasing the chances of making better choices and take the most effective course of action based on the situation, rather than a one-size-fits-all reaction.
Emotional agility helps us tune into not just our feelings but those of others. This empathy fosters deeper bonds, as people feel seen and understood.
3) Conflict resolution
By recognizing and managing our emotional triggers, we can approach conflicts with calm and clarity, leading to healthier resolutions.
Emotionally agile people understand that setbacks and challenges are a part of life. They can face adversity without getting too entangled in the emotion, thereby rebounding faster.
5) Growth from challenges
Instead of seeing challenges purely as obstacles, they are viewed as learning experiences, allowing for growth even in adverse conditions.
Emotionally agile people recognize that every emotion, whether pleasant or unpleasant, provides an opportunity to learn something about themselves.
6) Mental and emotional wellbeing
It helps avoid extreme emotional highs and lows. Instead, emotions can be processed and navigated in a balanced way, leading to greater mental equilibrium.
There’s less likelihood of suppressing or ruminating over emotions—both of which can increase stress levels.
7) Alignment with values
By regularly reflecting on and understanding their emotions, individuals can ensure that their actions and decisions are aligned with their core values, leading to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
How can you harness emotional agility to its full potential?
I owe a lot of my emotional agility journey to Brené Brown’s “Atlas of the Heart.” This book is a treasure trove for anyone eager to understand the nuances of emotions and harness the power of emotional agility.
Brené Brown, renowned author and researcher on vulnerability, courage and empathy has consistently highlighted the significance of embracing our emotions.
“Atlas of the Heart” gives a comprehensive picture of the human emotional experience, guiding readers on a journey towards greater self-awareness and understanding.
On average, most people can pinpoint only three emotions they’re feeling: happiness, sadness, and anger. But emotions are vast and varied and recognizing them is crucial.
“Atlas of the Heart” identifies and describes 87 different emotions. By giving names to these feelings and dissecting their unique features, Brown emphasizes the importance of emotional granularity— the ability to distinguish between similar feelings.
Recognizing the difference between disappointment and frustration, for instance, can drastically change how we respond to situations.
What are the advantages in being able to distinguish between our feelings?
When we pinpoint our emotion, we can better understand what triggered it and decide how to respond effectively.
By communicating our feelings more accurately, we foster deeper connections and reduce misunderstandings.
Recognizing and labeling an emotion can reduce its intensity and prevent us from being overwhelmed.
By understanding and embracing our feelings, we can cultivate resilience and empathy, and lead more authentic lives.
To thrive in this chaotic world, being emotionally agile is not just beneficial—it’s essential.
Emotions are a core part of our identity. Our emotions, which at times might seem like our biggest challenges, can become the compass guiding us toward a more resilient, empathic, and fulfilled life.
Emotional agility is about harmoniously blending our emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and value-aligned actions to navigate the challenges of life with resilience, understanding, and purpose.
It’s about moving with fluidity and grace through our emotional experiences, allowing us to live authentically and meaningfully.
So, the next time you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, remember to harness the power of emotional agility and navigate life’s challenges with grace, empathy, and understanding.
If you’re interested in learning more, check out my video below where I share personal experiences and actionable tips on embracing emotional agility.