Liv Walde
Let’s be honest, those “relationship goals” posts on social media often paint an unrealistic picture of love.
Perfect couples in matching outfits, candlelit dinners every night… yeah, right.
But behind the filtered photos and curated captions, real couples who’ve been together for decades know that lasting love isn’t about perfection.
It’s about navigating the messy, mundane, and sometimes downright hilarious realities of everyday life. If you’re looking for the real secrets to a lasting partnership, forget the clichés.
Couples who’ve weathered the storms of 25+ years together have a few surprising habits up their sleeves, and they might not be what you expect.
Read on to find out more!
1) Arguing about the dumbest of things
Cue daggers flying…because someone forgot to put the milk back in the fridge.
Or perhaps, like my grandparents, you’ve overheard a 20-minute argument about which way the toilet paper roll should hang (theirs ended in stitches and a compromise – alternating directions each week!)
In long-lasting and healthy relationships, people tend not to avoid conflict altogether.
They speak openly, argue in an appropriate way, and largely use it as an opportunity to let off steam and then laugh about it later.
2) Their own secret language
After decades together, couples develop a shorthand that baffles outsiders.
Pet names (oh, sweet buttercup cake pop squirrel of mine!), inside jokes (that are rarely funny), or even one saucy raised eyebrow can convey volumes.
This inside language and shared gestures might throw off some people…
But hey, it works for them, and seems to be part of the glue that keeps successful couples together!
3) Embracing their weirdness
Long-term couples don’t just tolerate each other’s quirks – they celebrate them!
Because there are few more toxic relationship killers than allowing resentment and ill-will to fester, which quickly turns quirks into icks and dooms relationships.
Whether it’s your partner’s passion for collecting rubber ducks or an obsession with conspiracy theories, embracing these eccentricities shows acceptance and deepens the bond.
Plus, this means that everyone also feels comfortable in their own skin, which is a win-win!
4) Separate bathrooms and separate comforters (where possible!)
Let’s face it, sharing a bathroom can be a major source of friction, especially when one of you has a penchant for 45-minute showers.
Much in the same way can one person stealing all the covers at night cause havoc.
Which is why my own parents swear by separate bathrooms and separate comforters.
Take out the offending items, and you take out the risk of recurring petty arguments, which leaves everyone in a far stronger position.
5) No phone zones
In an age of constant connectivity, couples who’ve been together for decades recognize the importance of unplugging and truly connecting with each other.
Maybe this means no phones at the dinner table (unless in case of an emergency), or no phones in bed.
Either way, setting fairly strict rules about shared screentime means that neither person slips into complacency and has one eye on their phone the entire time their with a loved one.
The result?
A whole lot more feeling seen, heard, and respected!
6) Apologizing (even when it’s not totally one person’s fault)
Pride can be a major relationship killer.
Apologizing even when you know you’re very much to blame can be difficult for some, especially when holding onto the belief that losing an argument equals weakness.
But in any lasting relationship comes the time when you need to step up and say sorry, even if you don’t consider yourself to be totally in the wrong. (Or in the wrong at all!)
Being able to admit wrongdoings and concede to taking the blame on your own shoulders shows humility, a key ingredient for lasting relationships.
And being big enough to apologize first shows that a partner cares more about their loved one’s happiness than proving a point.
7) Shared passions and interests outside of each other
Whether it’s a love of hiking, gardening, or binge-watching documentaries, having a shared passion gives couples something to bond over and look forward to.
This doesn’t mean having to attach yourself to your partner’s hip and follow them around like a lost puppy.
This sort of behavior sounds more like codependency, if anything, which can be a relationship killer. Being addicted to your partner to the point that you struggle to spend time alone doesn’t bode well for lasting love.
If you’re struggling to find yourself outside of your relationship, I’d suggest signing up for The Vessel’s free Love and Intimacy Masterclass. Codependency is a silent relationship killer, which often sinks its claws in and does damage before anyone realizes what it’s up to.
If you want to avoid spoiling your own relationship with toxic misconceptions or outdated beliefs, you’ll be giving your relationship the best chance at success by investing in yourself and your own mindset.
Equally, lasting relationships also don’t involve forcing your partner to come and participate in your weird and wonderful hobbies, especially if they don’t want to be there and you don’t really want them there…
Keep some of your time and interests separate, whilst equally remaining aware that the healthiest and longest-lasting relationships often involve at least one ‘bonding’ activity.
Having common interests helps keep the relationship alive and thriving!
8) Able to forgive and forget
Holding grudges is a recipe for resentment.
And grudges can pile up, especially when you spend day in and day out with the same person.
So, know that whilst staying bitter and mean provides short-term satisfaction for you, it does nothing to increase your chances of maintaining a lasting partnership.
Instead, follow the lead of the healthy, successful couples who have weathered through more than 25 years.
They know that while little things can be irritating, they are rarely intentional offenses, and forgiveness goes far further in keeping a relationship happy and healthy.
9) Making time for romance, even when they’re tired
Life gets busy, but couples who’ve been together for the long haul know that making time for romance is essential.
It might not be a grand gesture every single time, but even a simple handwritten note or a shared cup of tea can do wonders to keep the spark alive.
On top of that, they tend also to form ‘traditions’ or habits whereby they allocate weekly or monthly time to date nights.
It might require more planning than it did in the honeymoon stages, but with a little more effort and input, great rewards can be achieved in terms of keeping the love alive!
10) They choose each other (every single day!)
Perhaps the most important habit of all, couples who’ve stood the test of time actively choose to love and cherish each other, day in and day out.
Because love isn’t always easy.
Emotions can change with the seasons, and when faced with the trials and tribulations of life, the couples who really stand the test of time are those whose commitment to one another is unwavering.
It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.
Final words
These surprising habits may not fit the fairytale mold, but they reveal the authentic, often messy, and ultimately rewarding reality of enduring love.
Forget perfection – embrace the quirks, forgive the flaws, and prioritize connection.
After all, isn’t that what truly matters when you’re in it for the long haul?
So, whether it’s arguing over toilet paper or developing your own secret language, these couples prove that lasting love is about embracing the journey, not just the destination.
