10 subtle ways to know if it’s true love, according to psychologists

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What is love?

Is it when your partner remembers your favorite ice cream flavor? Is it when they surprise you with a thoughtful note in your lunchbox?

Well, true love, according to psychologists, is more than just these sweet gestures or shared laughter. It’s a deeper connection that transcends the superficial.

If you want to learn about the subtle ways to know if it’s true love, according to psychology, read more below!

1) There’s mutual respect 

True love isn’t just passion and butterflies; it’s mutual respect. In genuine love, you value each other’s individuality and cherish each other’s unique perspectives.

Sure, the initial stages of a relationship might be filled with ardor and romance. But as time goes by, it’s the consistent respect for each other that truly defines love.

In truly loving relationships, the focus is not on you or them; it’s on the space in between.

This space is filled with understanding, compromise, and, most importantly, respect.

2) They’re your safe haven

When the world seems overwhelming, does your partner make you feel secure and cherished?

If so, this could be a sign of true love.

Psychologists call this concept “attachment theory” and it’s a key indicator of a healthy relationship.

If you find yourself naturally gravitating towards your partner in times of stress or discomfort, it’s because they provide a sense of safety and comfort.

This is because you’re dependent on them or because you need to be constantly together.

It’s knowing someone is there for you when you need them. In the same way, you’ll also find yourself wanting to be there for them in their times of need.

3) Growth is encouraged

In a relationship characterized by true love, there’s a mutual desire for growth—both as individuals and as a couple.

Your partner doesn’t hold you back or make you feel small; they inspire you to become the best version of yourself.

In true love, your partner respects your ambitions and supports your personal growth. They celebrate your successes and offer comfort during your failures.

More importantly, they don’t feel threatened by your achievements; they bask in the joy of your accomplishments.

The same goes for you. If you find yourself genuinely invested in their growth without any hint of jealousy or competition, then that’s definitely a sign of true love.

4) Silence is comfortable

In most relationships, silence is often perceived as awkward or a sign of disconnect.

But in true love, silence can be a beautiful thing. It’s in these quiet moments that you realize you don’t need words to feel connected.

You can simply enjoy each other’s presence without the need for constant chatter. Whether it’s a lazy Sunday morning spent in bed or a quiet car ride home, these silent moments are not filled with tension but with comfort and understanding.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t communicate; an open and honest conversation is always necessary in any relationship.

But if you can enjoy the silence together without feeling the need to fill it, that’s a sign of true, deep connection.

5) Arguments don’t mean the end

Disagreements and arguments are part and parcel of any relationship.

If you find yourself having heated discussions with your partner, don’t panic; it doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is on the rocks.

In fact, arguments can signify that both of you are invested enough in the relationship to express your thoughts and feelings, even if they differ. What matters is how you handle these disagreements.

In true love, conflicts are approached with respect and a genuine desire to understand each other’s perspective. You don’t aim to ‘win’ the argument; instead, you aim to resolve the issue while preserving each other’s dignity.

6) They’re your cheerleader

Life is difficult. That’s why having someone in your corner, always cheering for you, can make all the difference.

True love often manifests itself as a sense of unwavering support and encouragement.

Your partner celebrates your victories and helps you navigate through the defeats. They’re there to lift you up when you’re down and to applaud your successes, no matter how small.

But it’s not just about big moments. They also notice and appreciate the little things you do—the way you help a stranger, the effort you put into your work, or how you express kindness to a friend.

True love isn’t just grand gestures. It sees the extraordinary in the ordinary and appreciates kindness in every form.

7) Laughter comes easy

Ever find yourself laughing at the silliest things with your partner or sharing an inside joke that only the two of you understand?

This effortless laughter and shared sense of humor are signs of true love.

Being able to laugh together, even during stressful times, shows a level of comfort and connection that’s hard to fake.

And it’s not just laughing at the same jokes. It’s finding joy and humor in each other’s company, even in the simplest moments.

Because when you can truly laugh together, you can also face challenges together with a lighter heart.

8) Small gestures matter

True love can often be found in the smallest of gestures.

It’s your partner brewing your favorite coffee in the morning just the way you like it. It’s them holding the door open for you or leaving you a sweet note just because they felt like it.

These may seem like trivial things, but they are actually powerful indicators of love and care.

These little acts of kindness show that your partner pays attention to what makes you happy and takes the effort to do those things.

9) You’re not afraid to be real

When it comes to true love, there is no need for pretense.

You don’t have to hide your flaws or pretend to be someone you’re not. Your partner sees you, warts and all, and they still choose to love you.

It might be scary to be vulnerable and show your true self, but in a relationship grounded in true love, it’s not only accepted but also cherished.

True love embraces all parts of you—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

10) You feel it in your gut

Sometimes, the most accurate indicator of true love is your own intuition.

You feel a sense of peace and happiness when you’re with them. You look forward to your future together, not with anxiety, but with anticipation and excitement.

Psychologists often talk about the ‘gut feeling’ or intuition as our subconscious helping us make decisions.

If your gut is telling you that it’s right, then it probably is.

Remember, true love isn’t something that can be quantified or measured. It’s a feeling, deep inside, that tells you you’re with the right person.

So trust your intuition. More often than not, it knows best.

Final thoughts on love’s subtle signs

Being in a relationship that’s characterized by these subtle signs of true love can feel enriching and fulfilling. You feel seen, valued, and cherished for who you are.

However, it’s important to remember that no relationship is perfect and that every relationship requires effort.

Passionate love is important at the beginning of the relationship, and companionate love is important at the end, but it’s actually the journey from passionate love to companionate love that is the real deal.

Keep in mind that this article isn’t meant to define your relationship.

Not having all of these signs doesn’t mean your relationship lacks true love. It’s more about reflecting on whether these elements exist in your relationship or not.

In the end, only you can truly know if it’s true love.

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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