Isabella Chase
Being around a narcissist can be a dizzying experience, leaving you feeling small, unworthy, and devalued.
Narcissists often use subtle and insidious tactics to diminish others and maintain a sense of superiority.
These behaviors are rarely overt, making them difficult to recognize, but their goal is always the same: to make you feel small, insecure, and dependent on their approval.
According to psychology, here are seven subtle things a narcissist will do to make you feel inferior—and how these actions impact your self-esteem over time:
1) Gaslighting
Enter the world of gaslighting, a classic narcissistic maneuver.
Gaslighting, a term that has gained popularity in recent years, is a form of psychological manipulation where the manipulator makes someone question their own sanity.
Narcissists are masters of this technique—they’ll subtly twist reality and deny your experiences, causing you to doubt your own memory or perception.
By creating this confusion, narcissists can undermine your confidence and self-esteem, making you feel small and inferior.
This tactic is insidious because it’s often done so subtly that you might not even realize it’s happening but, by recognizing gaslighting for what it is, you empower yourself to stand against it.
Your experiences and feelings are valid—always.
2) Backhanded compliments
Narcissists have a knack for giving compliments that don’t quite feel like compliments.
I recall a time when I was excited about a promotion I’d received at work: I shared the news with a close friend who I later realized was a narcissist.
“You got promoted? Wow, they must be really desperate,” she said, with a laugh.
At first, I laughed it off too.
But, later, her words kept replaying in my mind, making me question my worth and abilities.
That’s the power of a backhanded compliment—it’s framed as praise, but at its core, it’s designed to belittle you and chip away at your self-confidence.
Narcissists use this tactic to make you feel small and inferior, often under the guise of good-natured teasing or brutal honesty.
Recognizing these disguised insults is the first step in refusing to let them affect your self-esteem.
Your worth is not defined by others’ opinions.
3) Playing the victim
Narcissists are incredibly adept at playing the victim.
When things go wrong, they’re quick to shift blame and paint themselves as the innocent party.
What’s fascinating is that this behavior is often rooted in a phenomenon known as ‘narcissistic injury’.
This term, coined by psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, refers to a perceived threat to a narcissist’s self-esteem or self-worth.
When they feel threatened, narcissists will often react with extreme emotions and paint themselves as the victim, even when they’re clearly in the wrong.
This allows them to shift focus away from their own shortcomings and instead make you feel guilty or empathetic.
This subtle manipulation can leave you feeling inferior and questioning your own judgment.
However, understanding this tactic can help you see through their victim-playing and maintain your own sense of self-worth.
4) Constant comparisons
Have you ever noticed how a narcissist always seems to be measuring you against others?
It’s no coincidence—narcissists thrive on making others feel inferior, and one of their preferred methods is through constant comparisons.
They have a habit of praising others extravagantly in your presence or comparing your achievements with those of others.
The purpose of this tactic is to make you feel inadequate, to diminish your accomplishments, and to make you strive harder for their approval.
This relentless comparison can be emotionally draining and damaging to your self-worth.
Yet, your value is not determined by how you stack up against others.
You are uniquely you, with your own set of skills and accomplishments—don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
5) Silent treatment
For a while, I was in a relationship with someone who would often give me the silent treatment for days when he was upset: No matter how much I tried to reach out or apologize, he would ignore me until he decided it was time to talk again.
The silent treatment is a common tactic used by narcissists to punish those they feel have wronged them.
It’s a form of emotional withholding designed to make you feel small, guilty, and desperate for their attention.
It’s a cruel game of power and control—by ignoring you, they make you feel insignificant and voiceless.
Realizing what’s happening can be a big step toward regaining your power and self-confidence.
Remember, everyone deserves respect and open communication in their relationships.
6) Excessive criticism
If you’ve ever been around a narcissist, you’ve likely experienced their harsh and often unwarranted criticism.
They seem to have a knack for pinpointing your insecurities and exploiting them.
Narcissists use excessive criticism as a tool to make you feel inferior and to control you.
They’ll pick apart your work, your appearance, your ideas, even your personality, under the guise of ‘helping’ you or making you ‘better.’
This constant barrage of negativity can erode your self-esteem and make you feel small and inadequate.
It’s not about you, though—it’s a reflection of the narcissist’s need for control and dominance.
7) Repeatedly undermining your accomplishments
Here’s the thing: narcissists can’t stand to see others succeed, especially if it outshines their own achievements.
When you celebrate a win, they’ll find a way to downplay it or shift the focus back onto themselves.
They’re experts at making you feel like your accomplishments aren’t as significant as they truly are.
This persistent undermining can eat away at your self-confidence and make you feel small and insignificant.
But know this: Your victories are valid and worth celebrating, no matter what anyone else says.
Don’t let a narcissist’s insecurity cloud your joy.
Final thoughts: Your worth is not defined by a narcissist
The subtle tactics of a narcissist can leave you feeling small and inferior.
Yet, it’s crucial to remember that these feelings are a projection of their insecurity, not a reflection of your worth.
Narcissists strive for control, often by belittling others—understanding their tactics can empower you to stand against them.
Yet, the more you understand about narcissistic behavior, the stronger your defense becomes.
Knowledge truly is power when it comes to dealing with narcissists.
Remember, your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
You are enough just as you are, and no one has the power to make you feel inferior without your consent.
