8 subtle signs you’re slowly becoming less likeable as a person

As Hack Spirit founder and mindfulness enthusiast, I’ve observed that it’s easy to overlook subtle changes in our behaviour.

We might not realise we’re gradually becoming less likeable. It’s not like we wake up one day and say, “I’m going to be less likeable today.”

It happens slowly, almost imperceptibly.

In this article, we’ll explore some subtle signs suggesting you’re on this unenviable path. 

My goal isn’t to make you feel bad or self-conscious, but rather to help you recognize these signs and make positive changes.

Stay tuned for some mindful insights.

1) You’re always the one talking

We can all fall into the habit of dominating conversations from time to time.

However, if you notice that you’re consistently the one doing most of the talking, you might be turning into a less likeable person.

It’s crucial to remember that communication is a two-way street.

People appreciate when they feel heard and understood, not just talked at.

It might be time to focus more on listening and less on speaking.

It’s not about being silent but about creating a balanced dialogue where everyone feels valued.

2) People often seem uneasy around you

I remember a time in my life when I noticed a certain unease in people around me.

Their smiles seemed forced, their responses to my jokes were lukewarm, and their body language was often closed off.

Initially, I shrugged it off, believing it was just them having a bad day.

But when I started observing this pattern repeatedly, I had to consider the possibility that I might be the common denominator.

If people often seem uncomfortable or uneasy in your presence, it could be a sign that your behaviour is making them feel that way.

It might be time to reflect on your actions and consider how they may be affecting others around you.

3) You often feel the need to one-up others

In our quest to be seen and acknowledged, we can sometimes fall into the trap of “one-upping.”

This is when we feel the need to always share a story or experience that’s bigger, better, or more impressive than what someone else has just shared.

For example, if a friend shares an achievement or a fun trip they took, you immediately talk about an even bigger achievement or a more exotic vacation you’ve had.

It’s natural to want to share our own experiences, but constantly trying to outshine others can make you less likeable.

So next time you feel the urge to one-up someone, take a moment to pause.

Listen, appreciate their story, and share yours without the need to overshadow theirs. 

It’s not a competition, but a sharing of experiences that helps us connect with each other on a deeper level.

4) You’re not responsive to feedback

One of the biggest roadblocks to personal growth is a refusal to accept feedback. 

This can manifest in various ways, such as getting defensive when someone points out a mistake, dismissing constructive criticism as negativity, or failing to implement changes even after receiving feedback.

From a psychological perspective, accepting feedback is crucial for our self-improvement.

Feedback provides us with an outside perspective on our actions and behaviour, which we might not see due to our inherent biases.

Embracing a growth mindset is key to becoming more likeable and successful.

This means viewing challenges, setbacks, and criticism as opportunities for growth rather than signs of failure.

5) You’re always trying to please everyone

Now, this might seem a bit counter-intuitive.

After all, isn’t being likeable all about making people happy? However, constantly trying to please everyone can actually make you less likeable.

When you’re always bending over backwards to accommodate others, people may start taking you for granted or see you as someone without firm boundaries. 

Moreover, you might come across as insincere or inauthentic as it’s impossible to genuinely agree with everyone all the time.

It’s important to have your own opinions and stand by them. It’s okay to say no when needed.

By being authentic, you may not please everyone, but you’ll certainly gain respect, which in the long run is more valuable for your likability.

6) You lack empathy

Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a crucial aspect of likability.

Without it, you may come off as cold, indifferent, or even rude.

If you’re unable to understand or relate to the emotions and experiences of others, it can create a barrier in your relationships. 

People tend to gravitate towards those who make them feel seen and understood.

One way to cultivate empathy is by practising active listening. 

This involves not just hearing what the other person is saying, but truly understanding their perspective and responding thoughtfully.

7) You’re quick to judge others

Once, during a networking event, I met a guy with an unusual fashion sense.

My initial reaction was to dismiss him as eccentric and out of place. 

However, as the night progressed and I interacted with him more, I found him to be one of the most interesting and insightful people there.

This experience was an important reminder of how quickly we tend to judge others based on first impressions, appearances, or preconceived notions.

Such snap judgments can make us less likeable.

Instead of rushing to conclusions about people, try giving them the benefit of the doubt. Take the time to know them better before forming an opinion. 

8) You’re constantly negative

Negativity can be a major turn-off. If you’re always complaining, criticising, or focusing on the downsides of things, people may start to find your company draining.

It’s natural to have bad days and share our woes with others.

But constantly dwelling on the negative aspects can create a gloomy aura around you.

This can push people away as they may start associating you with negativity.

Strive to cultivate a more positive outlook. Focus on the good in situations and people.

This doesn’t mean ignoring problems or pretending everything is perfect. 

It’s about maintaining a balanced perspective and not letting negativity dominate your interactions.

A positive attitude not only makes you more likeable but also contributes to your personal happiness and wellbeing.

Final thoughts: It’s all about empathy and authenticity

At the end of the day, likability boils down to empathy and authenticity.

It’s about genuinely caring for others, respecting their perspectives, and being true to your own.

None of us are perfect. We all have our less-than-likeable moments.

The key lies in recognizing these moments and making a conscious effort to change.

It may not happen overnight, but with consistent effort, you can become more likeable.

It’s a journey of self-improvement that ultimately leads to better relationships and personal growth.

In my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego,” I delve deeper into how understanding our own minds and practising mindfulness can help us become more genuine and likeable.

So as you move forward, remember to listen more, judge less, respect boundaries, and embrace feedback.

Keep your ego in check and focus on being authentic.

After all, as psychologist Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Let that be your guide on this journey to becoming a more likeable version of you.