8 subtle signs you’re holding on to a failed relationship, says psychology

There’s a thin line between commitment and delusion when it comes to love.

Holding on to a failed relationship can often feel like dedication, but it’s important to recognize when it’s time to let go. As Tina Fey, founder of Love Connection blog and a relationship expert, I can tell you – it’s not always easy.

Psychology provides us with subtle signs that indicate we’re clinging to a relationship that’s past its expiration date. And trust me, acknowledging these signs can be the first step towards healing and moving on.

In this article, I’m going to share with you “8 subtle signs you’re holding on to a failed relationship”. This isn’t about blaming or shaming. It’s about awareness. So, let’s get started, shall we?

1) You’re always making excuses for them

In the realm of love and relationships, it’s normal to occasionally make excuses for your partner. After all, no one’s perfect.

But when you’re constantly justifying their behavior or making allowances for their shortcomings, psychology suggests you might be holding on to a failed relationship.

Think back to your recent interactions with them. Are you always the one bending over backwards? Are you finding yourself constantly explaining their actions to others, or even to yourself?

This could be a sign that you’re not acknowledging the reality of your situation – that maybe, this relationship isn’t quite what it used to be.

Remember, it’s one thing to be understanding; it’s another to ignore consistent patterns of behavior that are causing you distress. And trust me, there’s a world of difference between the two.

So if you find yourself repeatedly making excuses for your partner, it might be time for some self-reflection.

But remember, this isn’t about blame. It’s about understanding and growth.

2) You’re more in love with the memories than the person

This is a subtle one, but it can be quite telling. When your fondness for the relationship is more about the past than the present, you might be clutching onto a love that no longer exists.

Take a moment and think about it. Are your thoughts consumed with past happiness rather than present joys? Are you always reminiscing about ‘the good old days’ instead of creating new memories?

If your partner isn’t making you feel cherished and loved now, then clinging to how they made you feel in the past may be a sign of a failed relationship.

Again this isn’t about pointing fingers or laying blame on anyone. It’s about recognizing the state of your relationship and understanding your feelings. Love is about growing together, not growing apart while holding onto what once was.

3) You’re afraid to be alone

Fear of being alone can keep people in relationships long past their expiration date. It’s a common fear, but it’s not a healthy reason to stay in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling or enriching.

As I sit here writing this, I remember times in my own life when I’ve stayed in situations out of fear – fear of the unknown, fear of change, and yes, fear of being alone.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I dive deeper into this topic and provide strategies for overcoming these fears.

If you’re staying in your relationship because you’re scared of being on your own, it might be time to reassess your situation. Remember, it’s better to be alone and content than in a relationship and miserable.

It’s not about rushing to make drastic changes. It’s about recognizing patterns and making conscious decisions that are best for you.

4) Your relationship feels like hard work

Now, this might seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t every relationship supposed to take work? Yes, but there’s a difference between the healthy effort of building a strong foundation together and the exhausting struggle of trying to force something that just isn’t working.

A relationship should bring you joy, comfort, and support more often than not. It should feel like a safe haven, not a battlefield.

Are you constantly fighting, making up, and then fighting again? Is every interaction starting to feel like an uphill battle? If your relationship feels more like hard work than a source of happiness, that might be a sign it’s not meant to be.

Remember, it’s okay to let go. It’s okay to choose peace over constant struggle. After all, love shouldn’t feel like a war zone.

5) You’re losing yourself

In my years as a relationship expert, I’ve seen this sign more often than I’d like. It’s when you start losing yourself in the pursuit of keeping the relationship alive.

Are you giving up on your dreams, your passions, or even your values just to please your partner? Are you becoming someone you hardly recognize?

I remember when I was in a relationship where I started to lose myself. I stopped doing the things I loved, and stopped seeing the people who mattered to me, all in the name of love. But let me tell you something – that’s not love.

It’s important to remember that a healthy relationship allows both partners to grow as individuals while growing together. If you’re losing yourself, it might be time to take a step back and reassess your relationship.

Remember, true love never asks you to sacrifice who you are. Instead, it celebrates you and encourages you to become the best version of yourself.

6) You’re not happy

Let’s cut to the chase. If you’re not happy, that’s a major sign you’re holding on to a failed relationship.

Happiness isn’t about perpetual bliss. It’s about feeling content, at peace, and finding joy in your relationship more often than not. It’s about laughter, shared moments, and mutual respect.

If you’re constantly unhappy, stressed, or anxious about your relationship, it’s time to face the truth. You deserve happiness and love – real love. You deserve a relationship that lifts you up, not one that brings you down.

Sometimes, we need to be brutally honest with ourselves. And remember – it’s okay to choose your happiness. It’s not only okay, but necessary. Because at the end of the day, you matter. Your happiness matters.

7) You’re the only one trying

A relationship is a partnership. It’s about two people coming together and making an effort to nurture their love. But what happens when you’re the only one trying?

If you find yourself constantly making the effort, constantly trying to fix things, and constantly fighting for your relationship while your partner remains passive, it might be a sign that you’re holding on to a failed relationship.

I’ve been there, pouring my heart and soul into a relationship where the other person didn’t seem to care as much. It’s draining and heartbreaking.If your reality is filled with one-sided efforts and unreciprocated love, maybe it’s time to wake up from this dream.

Remember, it takes two to tango. You can’t be the only one dancing if you want a fulfilling relationship.

8) You’re hoping they’ll change

This is a tough one to swallow, but it’s vital. If you’re staying in your relationship because you’re hoping your partner will change, it’s a strong sign you’re holding on to a failed relationship.

Change is a personal journey. You can’t force someone to change, no matter how much you love them or how much their behavior hurts you.

If you find yourself constantly thinking, “If only they would change, everything would be perfect,” then my friend, you’re not in love with the person in front of you. You’re in love with the version of them that exists only in your hopes and dreams.

This isn’t an easy realization to come to. But remember, recognising it is the first step towards a healthier relationship future – one where you’re not waiting for someone to change, but loving them for who they truly are.

Conclusion: Time to face the music

Recognizing these signs in your relationship can be a daunting experience. But remember, acknowledging them is the first step towards finding the love and happiness you truly deserve.

This isn’t about blame or guilt. It’s about understanding what you need from a relationship and taking steps to ensure you get that.

In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss these signs in depth and provide guidance on how to navigate through them.

Remember, it’s okay to let go of a relationship that’s not serving you. You’re not giving up, you’re moving on to something better. Because at the end of the day, you deserve a love that celebrates you, not one that diminishes you.

Trust yourself, trust the process, and remember – your happiness matters.