Adrian Volenik
Body language is often louder than words. It gives that first impression experience even before you open your mouth.
The thing is, everyone has some positive or negative energy about them: positive ones cause positive emotions in people, and negative ones, well, they drain your energy.
When you think about it, we all know at least one person we don’t feel comfortable with, but sometimes we’re not even sure what’s the actual thing about them that bothers us.
Do you ever wonder if your body language keeps some people away from you without you even realizing it? Do you think your negative vibe drains the energy of people around you?
Well, there are a few cues you should pay attention to and start working on. That’s why I’m sharing with you 7 signs your body language is giving off an unwelcoming vibe.
1) You often look away
Do you ever find yourself in a situation where people are trying to catch your eye during meetings or lunch?
Maybe they’re trying to level with you and see if you’re still engaged in a conversation with them.
When I was younger and had just started to work, I was pretty shy, and for me, the easiest thing was to avoid eye contact with others.
My low self-esteem was keeping me away from important conversations.
But then I realized people found it rude as they thought I wasn’t interested in what they had to say. I was giving an “I’m not present” vibe.
Unfortunately, avoiding eye contact creates a barrier that makes you appear unapproachable and unwelcoming. To combat that, you should try catching yourself looking away.
You want to be approachable and send positive, vibrant vibes, and that often means looking other people in the eyes.
If you still feel insecure about yourself, try to make periodic eye contact to signal your engagement and openness to others. With time, your confidence will grow, and you’ll be more comfortable around folks.
2) Your shoulders and body are very tense
We’re all tense sometimes, and it’s normal, especially when we’re under stress.
But if we are tense all the time, others see it as a sign of defensiveness.
It means we don’t feel comfortable around them, and in turn, they won’t feel comfortable around us.
Besides, tension in our shoulders shows that we’re not relaxed or open enough, so others will stop engaging in conversation with us.
It’s important to notice that your shoulders and body are consistently tense.
It might be helpful to practice relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, or even better, go for a massage or ask your friend or partner to give you one. Trust me, it works.
3) You’re a space invader
Being a “space invader” usually means invading someone’s personal space.
This can make many people feel uncomfortable or uneasy, including myself.
I had colleagues who didn’t understand the importance of personal space. They would always sit or stand very close to me, but also others.
When they spoke, they were literally in my face.
I understand that personal space preferences vary across cultures, and what’s intrusive in our culture could be acceptable in another.
But I don’t think some of my colleagues paid attention to that at all.
If you ever had someone intrude on your personal space, I think you know what I’m talking about. When I feel that my personal “border” is being invaded, I don’t feel good anymore.
I see it as a bit aggressive, even if it’s unintentional.
Eventually, some of them stopped after a nice conversation. They started to work on it, which I appreciated very much, and later, I felt much more comfortable around them.
4) You don’t smile
This one is really simple, but sometimes we don’t even realize how simple.
I have a three-year-old son, and when he couldn’t talk yet, our conversation depended on our facial expressions and sounds.
If I goofed around, he goofed around; if I was putting my tongue out, he did the same, and when I smiled, he smiled back.
I think you know where I’m going with this. People respond to our energy and our facial expressions.
I’m not saying you should smile all the time and show your teeth 24/7, but try to be happier in general.
Work on small habits that will make you smile more. Eat your favorite food, dance more, go for a walk, and take a nice long bath. Anything that will keep your head in a happier place.
And don’t forget to add an occasional and genuine smile to your interactions that will make others around you feel good, too.
5) You sound dull
If you sound dull when talking to others, it will impact how others perceive you.
If you’re speaking in a monotone voice, it looks like you’re bored, especially if your facial expressions are minimal, too.
A lack of enthusiasm when we speak to others or in front of other people sends the message that we aren’t interested in them or the things we’re talking about or listening to.
Even today, I still remember my college professors who were great at teaching and holding speeches.
It was the way they sounded, their expressions, and the tone of their voice that kept me engaged.
Always loved their lessons and tried to replicate their way of speaking in real life, too.
And guess what? I don’t even remember the names or faces of other lecturers who were dull as they were giving the “I don’t want to be here” vibe.
I only remember the feeling that I was unwelcome in the class, and my colleagues felt the same. There was no sign of life in these people. They’d rather be anywhere else. And so would we.
Ultimately, it’s important to pay attention to how you speak and interact with others. You want to be a force of life and someone who they’ll think about long after you parted ways.
6) You stare at your phone
Let’s face it: we’re all addicted to our phones today. They keep us connected to the world, but the problem starts when they keep us disconnected from people around us.
That’s why it’s very important to manage phone use whenever we can, especially when we’re surrounded by people we know or want to know us.
If you recognize yourself here, try to put your phone away, place it in the bag or pocket, and don’t use it while in meetings or when you’re with friends, especially not when others are trying to talk to you.
It’s very off-putting, and people feel unwelcome.
And look, we’ve all done it, especially when we’re out in public. It’s how we cope when we feel insecure, and we don’t want to stand out or look lost.
But if you do this in other situations when you’re with your friends, colleagues, associates, or family, it means you just want to run away, and you have better things to do.
Maybe you do, but that’s certainly not the way to treat people and make them feel less wanted.
7) Your handshake is minimal
A minimal handshake sends a lot of different messages to people, from lack of confidence and laziness to silent aggressiveness.
But it all comes down to how others don’t feel welcome around you because of it.
Handshakes are important, and usually, they’re the first contact with someone. Always try to make that contact count and make a good impression on someone.
You may not realize it, but people pay attention to these things and read into them much more than you do.
If you’re around your work colleagues, your boss, or even your potential life partner, think about these words.
You don’t want to be seen as a person who doesn’t have confidence or someone who often hesitates.
A firm and confident handshake is a great way to establish a positive connection with everyone.
Final thoughts
Many of us are usually unaware of the body signals we send to people. Our body postures, facial expressions, and how we sound can and do broadcast negativity to people around us.
If you’re reading this and you recognize yourself or others in some of these signs, it’s a good thing.
You realized them, and it’s a step closer to working on them. It gives you an understanding of the possible reasons behind it.
By paying attention to the smallest details of your communication with people, you’ll become more confident and positive, and who knows, you might even help someone else who’s also not aware of their unwelcoming vibes.
A firm and strong handshake, looking people in the eyes, being relaxed, and speaking enthusiastically will make a great impression on others.
And in the end, it helps us set a strong foundation for our relationships, business or private ones.
