8 subtle signs you are no longer actually in love, according to psychology

There comes a point in our lives when we find ourselves questioning the depth of our feelings for a significant other.

We’ve given it our all, tried to rekindle the flame, yet something seems amiss. The puzzle pieces just don’t fall into place anymore.

Often, it’s not something earth-shattering. It’s more like a quiet whisper in the back of your mind telling you that maybe, just maybe, you’re not actually in love anymore.

Your heart might protest, your mind might argue and your body might resist, but there’s no denying that niggling feeling.

Here’s how to know for certain that what you’re feeling (or not feeling), is more than just a passing phase, according to psychology.

1) The butterflies have flown away

There’s one thing that stands out in the initial stages is the flutter in your stomach – the butterflies. It’s an intoxicating combination of excitement, anticipation, and nerves.

Psychology tells us that this feeling is not just romantic folklore, but a real physical response to being in love. It’s a rush of dopamine that makes us feel all giddy and euphoric.

But what happens when those butterflies seem to have flown away? You’re with them, you’re spending time together, yet there’s no rush of emotion, no quickened heartbeat.

This could be a subtle sign that you’re no longer in love. It signifies that your feelings have shifted.

It’s not to say you should panic if you don’t feel butterflies every single time you’re with your partner. But if that feeling has entirely disappeared and been replaced by indifference or a sense of monotony, it might be time to question the depth of your feelings.

2) Their quirks aren’t cute anymore

Here’s something I’ve noticed. When you’re head over heels in love, even the silliest things about your partner seem adorable.

You know, those little quirks that make them unique. The way they slurp their coffee. Their obsession with collecting vintage postcards. Or their tendency to burst into song in the middle of a conversation.

But lately, you’ve started to find these quirks irritating rather than endearing. Instead of making you smile, they make you cringe or sigh in exasperation. It’s like something has shifted inside you.

And guess what? That’s another subtle sign, according to psychology, that you’re not in love anymore.

If you’re no longer amused or charmed by these quirks, it could mean that the positive association in your brain has been broken and you’re falling out of love.

3) You’d rather be alone

I’ve always been a people person. I loved spending time with my partner, doing things together, just enjoying each other’s company.

We’d watch movies, go for long walks, try out new recipes together – it was our ‘us’ time.

But recently, I’ve found myself craving solitude. Instead of looking forward to our movie nights, I’ve been opting to read a book alone in my room.

Those long walks? I’ve started taking them by myself. And cooking? I find it more satisfying to cook just for me.

This preference for solitude over a partner’s company could be a subtle sign that love is waning. When we’re in love, we naturally want to spend time with that person because they make us feel good, they give us a sense of belonging.

But when that longing for their company starts to fade, when you’d rather be alone than with them, it could indicate that your feelings of love are dwindling.

It’s not just needing some ‘me’ time (which is perfectly healthy), it’s also consistently choosing solitude over their company.

4) No more future plans

When we’re in love, we naturally start to incorporate our partner into our future plans. It’s not just about the present anymore, it’s about the future – your future together.

We start envisioning holidays, shared living spaces, even family get-togethers years down the line. This kind of future-focused thinking is a sign of a committed, loving relationship.

But lately, your thoughts of the future have changed. They’ve become more about ‘me,’ less about ‘us.’ You’re planning trips you want to take, skills you want to learn, goals you want to achieve – all on your own.

It’s as if your brain is preparing you for a life without them.

If you’re finding that your partner doesn’t feature in your future plans like they used to, this could be another subtle sign that you’re no longer in love.

5) Their happiness doesn’t affect you

This is something I have personally experienced in a past relationship.

Once, their smile would light up my world. Their laughter was contagious, their joy was mine. If they were happy, I was happy. It was as if we were emotionally connected, feeling the same highs and lows.

This emotional synchrony is a key aspect of being in love.

But later on in the relationship, I’ve noticed a change. Their happiness doesn’t seem to touch me the way it used to. They could be beaming with joy, and it doesn’t make my heart swell like before. It’s like I’m emotionally disconnected.

When we’re in love, our partner’s emotions hold a significant impact on our own emotional state. A lack of this emotional mirroring may suggest that your feelings of love are not as strong as they once were.

6) The thought of life without them doesn’t scare me

I remember when the mere thought of a life without my partner was terrifying. The idea of not having them by my side, sharing moments, making memories, it was unthinkable.

It’s normal to fear losing someone you’re in love with. It’s a part of our innate survival instinct.

Later on, I’ve been surprised by my own thoughts. The idea of a life without them doesn’t scare me anymore. It doesn’t fill me with dread. In fact, it even feels liberating at times.

If the thought of a life without your partner no longer scares you, it could be another subtle sign that you’re no longer in love.

7) Their touch doesn’t feel the same

There was a time when a simple touch from my partner could send shivers down my spine. A hug, a caress, even a casual brush of hands, it all felt electrifying.

Physical touch is a powerful expression of love, releasing oxytocin, the ‘love hormone’, in our brains.

But lately, their touch doesn’t stir up the same feelings. It doesn’t feel warm, comforting, or exciting anymore. It just feels… ordinary.

Physical affection is a key component of romantic love and if it’s missing or feels different, it could be an indication that you’re no longer in love.

8) I don’t miss them when they’re gone

There was a time when their absence felt like a part of me was missing. When they were away, it felt like the world was a little less bright, a little less exciting.

This longing is another sign of being deeply in love – and it was something that has faded by the end of my relationship.

They could be away for days and I wouldn’t feel that emptiness. Instead, I find myself enjoying my own company, not constantly thinking about them or longing for their presence.

Missing someone is a clear indication of love, and if that’s missing, your feelings might have changed.

Final reflections

Recognizing these signs in yourself can be tough. It’s hard to confront the possibility that your feelings have changed.

But it’s important to remember that it’s okay. Feelings evolve, people change, and that’s just a part of life.

If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these signs, take some time for introspection. The fact that you’re aware and acknowledging these feelings is a huge step in itself. It’s a testament to your self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

Reflect on what you want from your relationship and from love. Is there room for growth or change? Can the lost feelings be rekindled? Or is it time to move on?

Remember, falling out of love is not a personal failure. It’s just a part of the human experience. It might be painful and confusing, but it also opens up the possibility for personal growth and new experiences.

It may be worth seeking guidance from a professional who can provide perspective and tools to handle this challenging time.

In the end, the most important relationship you have is with yourself. Honoring your feelings, even if they’re difficult, is a crucial part of self-love and self-respect.

Take care of yourself, be patient with your emotions, and remember – it’s okay to prioritize your happiness and well-being.

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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