11 subtle signs you and your partner are not genuinely in love

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Being in love with someone is one of the best feelings out there. But sometimes, we have a change of heart, or we start thinking about someone else. 

Many times, people simply grow apart, and feelings start fading away. 

This can happen sooner or later, but there are often subtle signs that show us there’s no genuine love anymore, even when the people involved aren’t yet aware of the fact. 

So, what are these subtle signs? Let’s find out!

1) You ignore each other’s needs

If you’re both neglecting each other’s needs, that’s a red flag. This, most often, isn’t about the big stuff. 

On the contrary, it’s the little things that show you care. Things like hugs, kisses, holding hands, etc. 

When those gestures are missing, it can make one or both of you feel unimportant and undervalued. 

That’s why you need to pay attention to what each other needs, whether it’s emotional support, attention, or just a little extra kindness.

Don’t be lazy. 

2) You sense emotional distance

When you’re going through tough times or simply need someone to talk to, but your partner seems emotionally distant, it can be tough. 

It feels like there’s a wall preventing that emotional support, making the relationship feel less like a partnership and more like a chore.

This can happen from time to time, so you need to pay attention to this. Prevention is the best medicine, but with our busy lives, it’s hard to keep up with it, isn’t it? 

So, spend meaningful time together doing things you both enjoy. Also, pay attention when your partner talks. Show genuine interest in what they’re saying to make them feel valued and understood.

3) You don’t spend a lot of time together

Talking about spending time together, quality time isn’t just about being in the same space. You need to make it about genuine connection. 

If you find yourselves physically present but emotionally distant, it’s a sign that the quality time needed to nurture the relationship just isn’t there.

Try carving out moments for each other, whether it’s a cozy night in, a spontaneous date, or just chilling together. Meaningful time can do wonders for strengthening that emotional bond.

4) You detect secretive behavior

Suddenly, your partner becomes mysterious, keeping things under wraps. Sure, everyone needs personal space, but this isn’t just about that. It’s about a lack of openness and transparency. 

You start wondering why there’s a need for secrecy in the first place. The trust starts feeling a bit shaky because you’re left wondering what’s going on behind the scenes.

For example, your partner often steps away or becomes guarded when taking phone calls, avoiding conversations when you’re in the room.

Or they consistently dodge or deflect when you mention certain things, especially those related to their personal life or recent activities.

The best move? Have an honest chat. Share how you’re feeling without making it a big showdown. Let them know you value openness and want to understand what’s up.

5) You make no effort to understand

Picture this: you’re having a disagreement, and instead of trying to get why your partner feels the way they do, you both kind of stick to your own thoughts without really trying to see the other side.

But understanding each other’s perspectives is crucial. When there’s a lack of effort to see things from your partner’s point of view, it creates a gap in communication and understanding, resulting in even more misunderstandings and frustration.

You need to break that cycle and remember why you’re together in the first place. Otherwise, it will lead to a lot of resentment building up, too. 

6) You let resentment build up

Yes, holding onto grudges and not addressing underlying issues allows resentment to build. This results in a lack of love for each other over time. 

It’s like a toxic cloud hanging over the relationship, making you not see the sun anymore and no way to move forward. 

What you’re doing is you’re basically sweeping problems under the rug instead of dealing with them head-on. 

The danger is that, over time, that hidden pile of issues becomes a big stumbling block, making it harder to move forward together. 

In a healthier scenario, you’d address concerns as they come up, preventing this resentment buildup and keeping the relationship’s vibe positive.

7) You feel unimportant

If you or your partner consistently feel like your opinions, feelings, or needs don’t matter, it makes you feel emotionally neglected

Your voice is fading into the background, and you wonder if your presence really matters in the relationship.

It’s a tough spot to be in. 

Imagine wanting to share something important or express how you feel, but your words fall on deaf ears or don’t get the consideration they deserve.

The thing is, everyone wants to feel valued and heard in a relationship. When that’s missing, it’s a clear sign of a disconnect and even a lack of genuine love.

Should you just take this lying down? No. 

Fight for your love if you believe it’s worth it. Situations and feelings change all the time. There’s probably still time to do things right. 

8) You feel like roomies

In some relationships, living together feels more like sharing a space than sharing love. There’s no warmth and connection that typically comes with being romantic partners.

Been there, done that. 

Conversations start revolving around chores and daily routines, but the deeper connection is missing. It’s like you’re coexisting rather than deeply connecting.

Look, this happens when you’ve been in a relationship for a couple of years, okay? That’s one of the reasons people say that relationships are hard work. 

Many people go on autopilot and then wonder why their relationship or marriage fell apart. You need to make the effort. 

Make your relationship great again. 

9) You’re stuck in petty arguments

My wife and I never really argued until we had a kid. Since then, every day there seems to be a quarrel about something. 

Instead of having laid-back chats, we find ourselves arguing over the smallest things. It could be about who left the light on or forgot to take out the trash. You know, the stupidest of the stupid things. 

These constant petty battles overshadow the easygoing communication that makes relationships thrive.

Does that mean we don’t love each other? No, not at all. But it’s yet another thing that can be a red flag for sure, and you need to dial it down so these arguments don’t escalate. 

10) You notice a lack of intimacy

Noticing a lack of intimacy in a relationship is like realizing that the emotional and physical closeness you once had has faded. 

It’s as if the romantic connection has taken a backseat, and you start to feel a void.

Everyone wants to have a special connection with their partner, but they don’t want to work on it. You need to nurture it like a plant after the first phase of infatuation has ended.  

After a while, those moments of genuine closeness and affection that make a relationship feel truly special almost always disappear.  

They’re replaced by new ones, such as tackling challenges together, discovering and enjoying new hobbies or activities together, finding new ways to spend quality time together, mutual growth, etc. 

If you do it right, a relationship doesn’t have to be dull. 

11) You have different goals

It’s tough when you first find out you and your partner have different goals and aspirations. For instance, one wants to have kids, while the other doesn’t.

Or, one is ambitious, while the other watches TV all day and scrolls social media. 

This mismatch in future goals can create uncertainty and can lead to questions about the long-term compatibility of your relationship.

Whatever you do, one partner will feel discontent and blame the other for it because they got stuck in this situation unwillingly. 

If something like this happens, they may even fall out of love and look for a way out of the relationship. It’s just how things work.

That’s why it’s best to find a partner that’s similar to you and has the same core values. Makes for a much easier life. 

Final thoughts

These signs can give you an idea that something’s happening. However, you know your partner better than me and that’s why you need to talk to them and see if there’s room for concern. 

In most cases, you’ve just fallen into the routine trap and you started being lazy about the relationship and about your partner. 

Cook up some things and make life worth getting out of bed each morning. 

Adrian Volenik

Adrian has years of experience in the field of personal development and building wealth. Both physical and spiritual. He has a deep understanding of the human mind and a passion for helping people enhance their lives. Adrian loves to share practical tips and insights that can help readers achieve their personal and professional goals. He has lived in several European countries and has now settled in Portugal with his family. When he’s not writing, he enjoys going to the beach, hiking, drinking sangria, and spending time with his wife and son.

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