7 subtle signs that the person you love only sees you as a friend

Navigating the blurred lines of friendship and romance can be a daunting task.

We’ve all been there, right? You’re head over heels for someone, but you’re not quite sure if they see you the same way.

It’s like trying to read a book in the dark, with only a faint glimmer of light to guide you. You’re left guessing, second-guessing and driving yourself crazy in the process.

But what if I told you there are subtle signs to look out for?

In this article, I’m going to share with you seven subtle signs that the person you’re crazy about only sees you as a friend. No mind games, no manipulation – just real, honest cues that could help you understand your relationship better.

Keep your heart and mind open as we delve into this together. After all, understanding is the first step to navigating any emotional maze.

1) They’re not flirty with you

We all have a friend who’s naturally flirty, and that can sometimes make things confusing.

But there’s a subtle difference when the person you’re interested in sees you as more than just a friend. They’ll often go out of their way to flirt with you, even when it’s not necessary.

But what happens when this flirting is absent? What if the conversations are friendly, but never cross into that playful banter that often signals deeper romantic interest?

That could be a sign that they only see you as a friend. It’s not about playing games or trying to interpret mixed signals – it’s about observing how they interact with you compared to others.

If the romantic tension isn’t there, they may just see you as a buddy.

Remember, it’s just one sign and shouldn’t be taken in isolation. But if this rings true with your situation, it could be an indication that your relationship is purely platonic.

2) They often discuss their love life with you

Now, this might seem a little counterintuitive.

You might think, “If they’re sharing intimate details about their love life with me, surely that means they trust me and perhaps even have feelings for me, right?”

Not always.

When someone is romantically interested in you, they tend to avoid discussing other romantic interests or past relationships. This is because they don’t want to give the impression that they are unavailable or interested in someone else.

If the person you’re interested in regularly discusses their crushes, dates, or even asks you for relationship advice, it could be a sign that they see you as a trusted friend rather than a potential romantic partner.

It might seem like you’re getting closer when they share these details with you, but in reality, it could be an indication that you’re firmly placed in the friend zone.

Again, this is just one sign and should be considered in context with other signs and behaviors.

3) They’re comfortable with you, but not eager

Have you ever noticed how some people are just comfortable around you?

They’re themselves, completely at ease, but there’s no spark or eagerness in their interactions with you. This is a subtle, yet significant sign that the person might only see you as a friend.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I talk about how understanding our own attachment patterns can help us make sense of our relationships.

When someone is romantically interested in us, they usually display a level of eagerness in their interactions with us. They might initiate contact more often, show more enthusiasm during conversations or even express a certain level of nervousness or excitement when they’re around us.

If the person you’re interested in doesn’t display this behavior and seems completely at ease and comfortable with you, without a hint of eagerness or excitement, it can be a sign that they view you as a friend and not a romantic interest.

Remember to look at the bigger picture and consider all the signs together before making any conclusions.

4) They don’t make an extra effort

One of the most telling signs of someone’s interest is the effort they put into your relationship.

If the person you’re interested in treats you just like they treat everyone else, without any extra effort or consideration, it might be a sign that they see you as a friend.

As the great Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”.

Throughout my years of navigating relationships, I’ve found this quote to be incredibly insightful.

If they’re not putting in extra effort to make you feel special or singled out from their other friends, it might be because they don’t see you in a romantic light.

This might manifest as them not making plans with you outside of your usual group hangouts, not remembering personal details you’ve shared, or not going out of their way to do things that would make you happy.

Again, it’s crucial to remember that this is just one sign and should be considered along with others.

5) They’re not jealous

Jealousy is not a healthy habit in a relationship, but a small amount of it is natural when someone has romantic feelings for you.

If you notice that the person you’re interested in doesn’t seem bothered when you talk about other people or when you spend time with others, this could be a sign that they only see you as a friend.

During my years of working with relationships, I’ve noticed that those with romantic feelings often show a hint of jealousy or protective behavior, even if they try to hide it.

It’s not about possessiveness but more about an innate sense of protectiveness or concern that arises when they see you getting close with others. This is often missing when the person only views you as a friend.

Having said that, jealousy should never be used as a measure of someone’s love or interest. It’s just one of many signs you can look out for.

6) They don’t use romantic or intimate language

Language can be a powerful indicator of someone’s feelings.

If the person you’re interested in uses casual, platonic language with you and avoids any romantic or intimate terms, it could be a sign that they see you as a friend.

Albert Mehrabian, a pioneer in the field of nonverbal communication, once said, “Words are the least important part of communication.”

While this is true to an extent, words can sometimes provide insights into a person’s feelings that their actions might not.

From my experience, when someone is interested in you romantically, even if they don’t explicitly express their feelings, their language often changes. They might use more affectionate terms, compliment you more often, or simply sound more excited when talking to you.

If this type of language is missing in your interactions with the person you’re interested in, it might be a sign that they only see you as a friend.

Keep in mind, these signs are just guides and not definitive rules. Everyone is different and shows their feelings in different ways.

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7) They’ve told you they just want to be friends

Sometimes, the most obvious sign is the one we’re most reluctant to accept. If the person you’re interested in has directly told you that they only see you as a friend, it’s important to take their words at face value.

We often try to read between the lines or hope that they’ll change their mind over time.

But this is not only unfair to them, but it also prevents us from moving on and finding someone who reciprocates our feelings. It can be hard to accept, especially when you have strong feelings for them.

But remember, a relationship should involve two people who are equally invested in each other. If they’ve made it clear they don’t see you that way, it’s usually for the best to accept their words and try to preserve the friendship.

Honesty, even when it’s painful, is often the best policy. It allows us to see things as they are and make decisions that are best for us.

You deserve love that honors you

Understanding the dynamics of relationships can be complex, especially when emotions are involved. However, with a keen eye and an open heart, you can decipher the subtle signs to know where you stand in someone’s life.

As we’ve explored, there are certain signs that might suggest that the person you’re fond of sees you as a friend rather than a romantic interest. While it may be disheartening at first, remember that every relationship, whether platonic or romantic, is valuable and can enrich our lives in remarkable ways.

In the wise words of Dr. Seuss, “Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”

So, embrace your relationship for what it is right now without forcing it to fit into any specific category.

And as we navigate these complex waters of human relationships, let’s remember to be kind to ourselves and others. For those who want to explore more deeply the things we’ve discussed here, I recommend watching this insightful video by Justin Brown on the complexities of finding a life partner.

It offers great insights into understanding shared values, growth, and mutual support in a relationship. It’s always good to continue learning and growing in our understanding of relationships.

After all, they’re at the heart of our human experience.