Ava Sinclair
It’s a fine line, my friend, between genuine optimism and toxic positivity.
The difference is all about authenticity. Toxic positivity is when you brush off any negative emotion, pretending everything’s just peachy, even when it’s not.
Genuine optimism, however, acknowledges the tough stuff but also believes in the power of positive outcomes.
Toxic positivity can sometimes be hard to spot. It’s often overlooked because hey, who doesn’t like a positive person?
But psychology tells us to watch out for certain subtle signs.
Here are some telltale hints to help you identify toxic positivity. I’ll strip it down to seven overlooked signs that might just change how you perceive positivity.
1) Discomfort with negative emotions
We’re all about good vibes, right? But here’s the thing, part of being human is experiencing the full spectrum of emotions, not just the happy ones.
Toxic positivity rears its head when there’s an immediate jump to a positive outlook, no matter the situation.
It’s like a knee-jerk reaction to sweep all negative feelings under the proverbial rug.
According to psychology, this unyielding positivity can actually invalidate real feelings and experiences. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes.
So if you find yourself or others constantly dismissing negative emotions in favor of an upbeat perspective, take note.
This could be a subtle sign of toxic positivity. Remember, it’s healthy and normal to feel and express a range of emotions.
2) Suppressing authentic emotions
Ever had a time when you felt sad, but you forced a smile anyway because you didn’t want to bring others down? I sure have.
There was a time when I found myself going through a rough patch, but I didn’t want to be a ‘Debbie Downer’ at my friend’s birthday party.
So I put on a happy face and suppressed my real feelings. “Just be positive,” I told myself.
In hindsight, I realize that was toxic positivity in action. It created an emotional disconnection because I wasn’t being true to myself or to my friends.
Suppressing authentic emotions is a classic sign of toxic positivity. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to feel your feelings, even if they’re not sunshine and rainbows all the time.
3) Overuse of positive affirmations
Positive affirmations can be empowering. They can change our mindset and encourage us to approach life with a more optimistic outlook. But there’s a caveat.
Research found that for individuals with low self-esteem, positive affirmations can actually make them feel worse.
Why? Because it creates a cognitive dissonance – a mental conflict between what they’re saying (“I am successful”) and what they believe (the opposite).
This isn’t to say we should ditch affirmations altogether, but over-reliance on them, especially as a means to avoid facing negative feelings or realities, can be a sign of toxic positivity.
It’s crucial to address and work through the root causes of these negative beliefs, rather than just papering over them with positive mantras.
4) Ignoring or dismissing problems
Life throws curveballs at us, it’s inevitable.
But if your immediate reaction is to shrug off problems or issues, saying things like “it could be worse” or “at least it’s not…”, then you might be dealing with toxic positivity.
This kind of dismissal is a subtle way to avoid dealing with the problem at hand. It’s a form of denial that prevents us from facing reality and taking necessary corrective action.
Ignoring or brushing off problems, rather than addressing them head-on, can lead to bigger issues down the line.
So watch out for this sign, and remember it’s okay (and necessary) to confront and deal with life’s challenges.
5) Feeling guilty for not being happy all the time
I’ll be honest, there was a time when I felt guilty for not being in a good mood 24/7.
I thought that being positive meant always being cheerful and upbeat, and if I wasn’t, then I was failing somehow.
In reality, this is a textbook sign of toxic positivity. It’s this unrealistic expectation that we should be radiating happiness at all times.
And when we don’t meet that standard, we feel guilty or inadequate.
What I’ve learned is that it’s perfectly okay to have off days. It’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or anxious.
These are all valid emotions. So if you ever find yourself feeling guilty for not always being in high spirits, remember, you’re human and it’s okay to experience a range of emotions.
6) Avoiding difficult conversations
Navigating tough conversations is a part of life. But if you consistently steer clear of them, preferring to keep things light and positive, this could be a sign of toxic positivity.
While it might seem like you’re keeping the peace, avoiding difficult conversations can actually lead to unresolved issues and suppressed feelings.
It’s like putting a band-aid on a wound that really needs stitches.
Remember, it’s important to face conflicts and challenges head-on.
Open, honest conversations can lead to understanding, growth, and stronger relationships.
So next time you find yourself dodging a difficult conversation in favor of keeping things positive, take a moment to consider if it’s really the best approach.
7) Believing that positivity is the only way to success
Here’s the thing, success isn’t only achieved through relentless positivity. It’s also about resilience, learning from failures, and embracing all emotions as part of the human experience.
This belief that we must always stay positive to succeed can put immense pressure on us.
It can lead to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and feelings of isolation when we go through tough times.
Remember, it’s okay to not be okay. Embracing your full range of emotions doesn’t make you negative – it makes you human.
And sometimes, it’s in our struggles and challenges that we find our greatest strengths and successes.
Food for thought: It’s all about balance
The complexities of our emotional landscape often tie back to our cognitive processes and the societal norms we’re immersed in.
One key takeaway from our exploration of toxic positivity is that emotions are not inherently good or bad. They simply are.
Each emotion, whether it’s joy or sadness, fear or excitement, has its place in our human experience.
Positive thinking, in and of itself, is not toxic. It becomes problematic when it’s used as a tool to dismiss or invalidate real emotions and experiences.
It’s important to remember that it’s okay to feel all your feelings. It’s okay to be upset, to be mad, to be hurt. These feelings don’t make you negative, they make you human.
Whether it’s embracing a moment of joy or navigating a wave of sadness, allowing ourselves the space to feel can lead to a deeper understanding and acceptance of ourselves.
So, next time you find yourself reaching for that ‘positive vibes only’ mantra, consider if you’re using it as a shield against experiencing your true emotions. Remember, it’s all about balance.
