10 subtle signs a man is deeply committed to you, according to psychology

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

How committed is a man and how can you tell?

They’re questions worth asking, particularly when a relationship is starting out and you’re wondering where it’s going. 

So how can you get real answers that are accurate and help guide your own level of commitment?

Psychology provides valuable insights to gauge a man’s level of commitment in a relationship, whether it’s new or has been ongoing for a long while. 

Let’s take a look.

1) He stays in touch even when he’s busy

The committed man stays in touch even when he has a hectic schedule full of obligations. 

This can be quite subtle, and it’s not like he’s constantly flooding your inbox or staying in touch: 

Even if it just means a text or a quick call, he’s not absent from your life for an extended period of time without explanation.

He also communicates and opens up about how he’s doing and what he’s up to, which is crucial to a successful and fulfilling relationship. 

“Partners need to communicate openly about their feelings, desires, and expectations, creating a space for honest dialogue,” emphasizes psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, PhD.

2) He does kind things for you without being asked

The man who is truly committed will do kind things for you without being asked.

The subtle aspect of this is that it doesn’t truly count if he’s doing these thoughtful actions out of a cultural or gender role expectation. 

In other words if you’ve already spelled out to him what you like or react very clearly positively or negatively based on his behavior, he’s likely just acting out of obligation.

But if he’s genuinely doing kind things for you when you have no negative reaction when he doesn’t and truly don’t expect these voluntary kind things? That’s commitment. 

3) He’s there for you when you’re struggling

When a man is deeply committed he will be there for you when you’re struggling. 

This does not mean he will always be available or throw everything away every time you are feeling down. 

But he will do his best to shift his schedule and his priorities to make sure you are being looked after. He will also help connect you to any resources or service you might need. 

It’s rarely all-or-nothing, in other words. But his commitment will shine through in that he clearly cares when you need help and does his best to respond. 

As psychology researcher and Professor Scott Stanley, PhD. explains:

“If you are seeing someone and considering a future together, ask yourself if you see evidence that they can put aside what they want at times for what is best for you.”

4) He listens to what you say and remembers it

Another subtle sign that a man is deeply committed to you is that he not only hears what you say but also remembers it. 

Granted, not every man has a wonderful memory and that’s fair enough. 

But a man will do what’s in his ability to recall what you said in conversation to him and apply it to his own actions. 

If you mentioned loving classical music, he invites you to a concert on your next date. If he knows that you have ongoing anxiety regarding heights, he doesn’t plan a weekend outing for the two of you to go climb a mountain. 

Commitment is about the seemingly small things that show he’s actually listening and remembering what’s important to you. 

5) He invests time in the relationship and makes you a priority

The subtle but very telling aspect of a man’s commitment level is how much of a priority he makes you

He will invest time in the relationship and make you a priority whenever he can because he wants to build something special with you. 

The subtle aspect here is that if a man makes a lot of time for you because he has a lot of time it doesn’t necessarily mean that much at all! It’s when he makes time for you despite having many other options and obligations that it actually counts. 

As Stanley points out:

“When you have more options to choose among, what you pick tells more about who you are. When a person has diminished options, what he or she chooses contains less information about their true preferences.”

6) He respects your boundaries and gives you time and space alone

There’s a side of commitment that’s about giving a person space and freedom

The man who’s genuinely committed at a deep level is able to respect your occasional need for time and space alone. 

He knows that you have your own social life and friendships outside of the relationship, and he also allows you to explore your career ambitions and dreams without needing to always be involved. 

You having your own life doesn’t intimidate him or scare him and, in fact, he’s happy for you. 

This ability to let you have your own life in addition to the relationship you share is borne of deep love and commitment as well as trust. 

7) He introduces you to his friends, family and colleagues

The committed man will want you to get to know those he cares about most. 

He’s curious about your opinion and how well you’ll fit in with them, and vice versa. 

However this doesn’t mean that he will introduce you right away or do so in an overly carefree manner:

The subtle part here is that a man who’s deeply committed to you will care so much what you think about his family, friends and coworkers that he’s likely to be quite nervous about introducing you. 

He’s not just going to do so willy-nilly on the spur of the moment. 

Still, this certainly counts for a great deal. 

“Consistent efforts to prioritize the relationship, such as making plans for the future or introducing each other to important aspects of their lives, may indicate a partner’s willingness to commit,” advises Bernstein.

8) He finds activities and hobbies that you can partake in together

Commitment is more than just a word, it’s a series of actions. 

The man who’s committed to you at a deep level will do his best to find activities and hobbies that you can enjoy together. 

It could just be something small or a cafe you love to go to together: it might be sailing or hiking or going antique shopping on weekends. 

He’ll do his best to find at least one shared area of overlap where you can enjoy each other’s company as well as enjoy the activity or hobby itself. 

This is his way of getting closer to you.

9) He tries to find ways to constructively resolve conflict

When a man is not all that committed, he will often react to fights and conflict by inflating them or waiting for you to apologize and do something. 

When he really cares, however, he’s likely to go over and above in looking for a proactive solution. 

He will also tend to be more hurt and impacted by a disagreement or fight, whereas a less committed man will generally just shrug it off. 

This desire for a committed man to resolve conflict in a constructive way tends to be a win-win, creating a positive feedback loop as well. 

“When a partner is highly invested in a relationship, it enhances the other partner’s sense of gratitude and their own commitment to the relationship, creating a positive feedback loop,” notes a 2023 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

10) He’s open to discussing future plans with you

Everybody moves at a different speed when it comes to permanent commitment and questions like marriage, having children and an exclusive relationship. 

But if he’s at least open to discussing the future with you, it’s a sign he’s deeply committed. 

This is especially subtle if he’s a guy who tends to have commitment issues and that is something you know about him. Despite this drawback and hesitations on his part, if he’s still willing to talk about the future with you and make future commitments, keep in mind that it may be a giant step for this guy in particular. 

And if you’re wanting to gain even more certainty, don’t be afraid to ask those you trust most for their perspective as well. 

“If you are searching for lasting love, challenge yourself to be on the lookout for signals of love and commitment that mean something. But remember that love can sometimes be blind: 

“For some of you, it might be wise to ask trusted friends or family what they see and what would count for them,” notes Stanley.

7 signs you have powerful romantic chemistry with someone, according to psychology

6 situations in life where you have to put your foot down, according to psychology