8 subtle phrases only unconfident people use, says a psychologist

You might think you’re confident, but your words could be telling a different story.

Confidence isn’t just about how you carry yourself; it’s woven into the phrases you use every day.

Without realizing it, certain subtle expressions can reveal self-doubt and insecurity, even when you think you’re projecting strength.

According to psychologists, unconfident people often use specific phrases that undermine their credibility, authority, or self-worth.

In this article, we’ll uncover 8 of these subtle phrases and explain how to replace them with more empowering language. 

1) “I’m sorry, but…”

This phrase is a common refrain amongst those who lack confidence. They tend to over-apologize, even when there’s no need for it.

For instance, they might say, “I’m sorry, but could you pass the salt?” This unnecessary apology, according to psychologists, is a way of diminishing their own importance.

When an unconfident person uses this phrase, they are inadvertently showing their belief that their requests or opinions may be a burden to others. This overuse of “sorry” can act as a barrier, preventing them from asserting themselves for fear of inconveniencing others.

Replace “I’m sorry, but…” with direct and polite alternatives like, “Could you pass the salt, please?” Dropping the apology conveys confidence while remaining courteous.

Save apologies for moments when they are truly warranted—it will make them more meaningful when you do use them.

2) “I just got lucky”

This phrase might seem like a display of humility, but it’s often an indicator of a lack of self-confidence.

When someone constantly attributes their successes to luck, they’re downplaying their skills, efforts, and achievements, suggesting that they don’t truly believe in their own capabilities.

It’s not uncommon for unconfident individuals to feel like impostors in their own lives, as if they’ve somehow tricked others into believing they’re competent. This is known as Impostor Syndrome and it can lead to a constant fear of being ‘found out’.

While it’s true that luck can play a role in our lives, consistent success is rarely just about luck. It usually stems from hard work, determination, and ability.

Try acknowledging your role in your accomplishments by saying something like, “I worked hard for this” or “I’m proud of the effort I put in.”

This doesn’t come across as boastful—it’s an honest recognition of your contributions and a step toward embracing your worth

3) “I’m no expert”

This phrase is another subtle sign of low self-confidence.

People who constantly downplay their knowledge or skills often struggle with self-doubt. They may feel they don’t have the right to speak up or share their ideas, even when they’re well-informed on the subject.

The interesting thing is, this self-doubt can exist even in extremely competent individuals. It’s called the Dunning-Kruger effect, where those with high ability at a task underestimate their competence.

So when you hear someone say, “I’m no expert,” they might actually know more than they’re letting on. They might simply be hesitant to assert their knowledge due to insecurity.

Recognizing this phrase and its implications can help us trust more in our abilities and remind ourselves to have faith in our own knowledge and skills.

4) “It’s probably stupid, but…”

When someone prefaces their thoughts or ideas with this phrase, it’s a sign they’re not valuing their own perspective.

They may fear their ideas will be dismissed or ridiculed, so they beat others to the punch by criticizing themselves first.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s thoughts and ideas have value. No idea is inherently ‘stupid’. Sometimes, the most unconventional ideas end up being the most revolutionary.

Try introducing your idea with confidence by saying, “Here’s a thought I’d like to share…” or “What do you think about this idea?”

These phrases signal that you value your own perspective while inviting constructive input, creating a stronger foundation for genuine dialogue.

5) “Does that make sense?”

This phrase often slips out when people doubt whether they’re communicating effectively.

They worry that their ideas or explanations may not be clear, revealing a lack of confidence in their communication skills.

Truth be told, we’ve all had moments where we’ve questioned our ability to get our point across effectively. Communication can be tricky, and it’s natural to want to ensure mutual understanding.

Replace “Does that make sense?” with a more confident phrase like, “Let me know if you’d like me to clarify anything.”

This shifts the focus to inviting questions rather than doubting your explanation. It conveys assurance in your communication skills while keeping the door open for further discussion.

6) “I can’t”

This phrase is a clear indication of self-doubt, often used by those who lack confidence in their abilities. Before even trying, they’ve already convinced themselves that they can’t succeed.

For instance, imagine a friend who loves to sing but consistently turns down karaoke nights with the phrase, “I can’t, I’m just not good enough.”

Despite their obvious talent and the enjoyment they get from singing, their lack of confidence holds them back from sharing this passion with others.

Everyone has the potential to overcome their self-imposed limitations. You can start to do this by reframing this phrase into something empowering, like, “I’ll give it a try” or “I’m working on getting better at this.”

7) “I’m always messing up”

People who often use this phrase tend to fixate on their mistakes more than their successes. They believe they’re prone to errors, and this belief can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, causing them to stumble more often.

The reality is, everyone makes mistakes – they’re an essential part of growth and learning.

But focusing only on the missteps without acknowledging the progress made is an unfair assessment of oneself.

While it’s important to recognize and learn from our mistakes, it’s equally critical to celebrate our wins, no matter how small.

So next time you say this phrase, remind the yourself that nobody’s perfect and that each mistake is simply a stepping stone towards success.

8) “It’s all my fault”

This phrase is often used by those who struggle with self-confidence. They tend to blame themselves for everything that goes wrong, even when it’s clearly not their fault.

Remember, nobody can control everything, and it’s unrealistic and unfair to hold oneself accountable for every mishap. Life is full of unpredictable circumstances, and sometimes things just don’t go as planned.

The most important thing to remember is that everyone has value, and everyone deserves to feel confident in their own abilities.

So if you often use this phrase, remind yourself of all the positive qualities you possess.

Everyone has strengths and everyone has weaknesses – it’s what makes us human. Recognizing this is the first step towards building true self-confidence.

Conclusion