Tara Whitmore
Narcissists are masters of manipulation, often using subtle language to control and influence the people around them.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a legitimate psychological condition—it’s not simply a personality trait one chooses to have.
These phrases might seem harmless or even flattering at first, but they often carry hidden agendas designed to undermine, guilt-trip, or assert dominance.
According to psychologists, including myself, here are eight subtle phrases narcissists commonly use to control and influence others—and how to recognize the tactics behind their words.
1) “You’re overreacting.”
This is a classic phrase used by narcissists to undermine a person’s feelings and perceptions.
They may use this phrase when a person try to communicate their concerns or feelings about their behavior.
This phrase is an attempt to downplay the person’s emotions and make them question theie own reactions.
The underlying message is that their feelings are invalid or exaggerated.
It’s a covert way of shifting the blame onto them, making it seem as if the problem lies with their sensitivity rather than their offensive behavior.
By doing this, they not only dodge accountability for their actions but also make them feel guilty for expressing their emotions.
Consequently, they might find themselves suppressing their feelings or needs in an effort to avoid being labelled “overly sensitive” or “dramatic”.
2) “I’m only trying to help…”
At first glance, this phrase may seem harmless, even caring.
However, when used by a narcissist, it serves a different purpose—they might say it after giving unsolicited advice or criticism.
This phrase is essentially a disguise for their attempts to control or belittle them.
It’s their way of making their negative remarks seem well-intentioned and constructive.
By framing their criticisms as ‘help’, they can deflect any backlash and make them question whether they’re being ungrateful or defensive.
The end result? They succeed in exerting their influence while sowing seeds of self-doubt in them, all under the guise of offering help.
3) “Nobody else would put up with you.”
This phrase is a textbook example of a manipulation technique known as gaslighting.
The narcissist uses this phrase to make them feel that they are hard to love or tolerate, creating a feeling of isolation and dependency.
The truth is: People have a fundamental need to belong and feel accepted.
When someone implies that we’re undesirable or difficult to love, it can deeply affect our self-esteem and confidence.
The narcissist aims to make them feel grateful for their ‘patience’ and ‘tolerance’, thereby less likely to leave the relationship or challenge their behavior—making the person feel trapped in the relationship.
4) “I did it for your own good!”
When this phrase is used by a narcissist, it’s often a way to justify their controlling or hurtful actions.
They might use it after overstepping someone’s boundaries or making decisions on their behalf without their consent.
In reality, everyone has the right to make their own choices and learn from their own experiences.
No one else, not even a loved one, should decide what’s best for them without their input.
They’re indirectly telling the person that they know better than they do about their own life.
This can make anyone feel undermined and disempowered.
5) “I never said that.”
Almost everyone has experienced a moment where they question their memory of a conversation.
In a relationship with a narcissist, this can become a frequent occurrence.
The person might remember a conversation or an event clearly, but when they bring it up, the narcissist denies it ever happened or insists it happened differently.
This tactic is not only confusing but also disorienting; the aim is to make the person lose trust in their memory and perception, making them more reliant on their version of events.
This gives them the upper hand in the relationship and allows them to control the narrative.
It’s important to trust one’s memory and intuition in these situations and not let someone else’s denial shake their confidence in one’s own experiences.
6) “You’re too sensitive!”
This phrase is one that many of us may have heard at one point or another.
In my own experience, I remember a time when I tried expressing my feelings about a hurtful comment made by a close acquaintance.
Instead of acknowledging and addressing the issue, they responded with this phrase.
In the context of narcissism, this phrase is used as a deflection tactic.
Instead of taking responsibility for their actions or words, the narcissist labels the person as overly sensitive.
This diminishes their feelings and invalidates their concerns.
The goal here is to make the person feel guilty for expressing their feelings, leading them to suppress them in the future.
This allows the narcissist to continue their behavior without consequence, keeping the person under their control.
Remember, everyone’s feelings are valid and it’s important to express them.
Being sensitive is not a flaw, but rather a strength that fosters empathy and understanding.
7) “If you really loved me, you would…”
This phrase is a powerful tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. It’s a form of emotional blackmail that preys on a person’s love and goodwill.
Essentially, it’s a guilt-trip disguised as a plea for love—putting the person in a difficult position where saying ‘no’ might make them feel like they’re proving their point.
The truth is, love is not about constant sacrifice or losing themselves to meet someone else’s needs.
It’s about mutual respect and understanding.
Anyone who’s truly in love won’t manipulate the other person’s feelings or force them to prove their love by giving up their own happiness or well-being.
It’s critical to understand this and not fall into the guilt-trap laid out by the narcissist.
Setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care doesn’t make anyone selfish or unloving. It’s necessary for a healthy relationship.
8) “No one understands me like you do.”
This statement may sound like a compliment, making them feel special and uniquely connected to the narcissist.
However, it’s often a manipulative tactic designed to keep the person emotionally invested and less likely to leave.
The narcissist wants to create a ‘you and me against the world’ narrative, making the person feel like they’re their only ally.
This can lead to an unhealthy bond where they feel responsible for their emotional well-being and are more inclined to tolerate their problematic behavior.
The most crucial thing to remember is this: While it’s great to be supportive and understanding, it’s not the person’s responsibility to fix or save someone else, especially at the expense of their own well-being.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, equality, and genuine care—not manipulation and control.
Conclusion
Navigating relationships with narcissists can be challenging, but understanding their subtle phrases is a significant step toward empowerment.
This article aims to provide insights to help individuals recognize manipulative language, while leaving the choice of how to respond in their hands.
It’s important to remember that feelings and experiences are valid.
No one should undermine a person’s self-worth or manipulate their emotions.
True wisdom lies in understanding one’s own worth and refusing to let others dictate their self-perception.
Here’s to fostering stronger, healthier relationships and a more empowered future!
