Lucas Graham
As an individual, your self-worth, respect, and sense of belonging are of utmost importance. Unfortunately, these can be threatened in a relationship with a manipulative man.
Manipulative individuals often resort to subtle phrases and tactics to control and exert power over their partners. This form of emotional abuse can trigger feelings of guilt and inadequacy, eroding your self-esteem over time.
Men who manipulate tend to use covert language patterns, making it challenging to recognize their behavior during the early stages of a relationship.
In this article, we will unveil some of these subtle phrases that act as red flags. Let’s dive into it.
1) “You’re overthinking”
It’s a subtle way of undermining your feelings and thoughts, making you question your own judgment. This form of gaslighting can slowly chip away at your self-confidence.
You might notice him using this phrase when you express concerns or when you’re trying to address an issue in the relationship. Instead of addressing your worries, he dismisses them as you ‘overthinking’.
This manipulation tactic can be difficult to spot initially, especially if you are someone who tends to overanalyze situations. However, if consistently used, it can feel like a constant invalidation of your emotions and thoughts, leaving you unsure of your own perspectives.
The key is to differentiate between a one-off comforting assurance and a recurring dismissal of your feelings and experiences. Healthy communication involves respect for each other’s feelings and concerns, not dismissing them as overthinking.
2) “I’m doing this for your own good”
It’s an attempt to mask their manipulation as concern or care, making you believe that they are acting with your best interest at heart.
You might hear this phrase when he’s making decisions on your behalf or when he’s trying to influence your choices. It could be about anything – from the friends you hang out with to the career decisions you make, to the way you dress.
In reality, this phrase is about power and control. By convincing you that they know what’s best for you, they’re essentially taking away your agency and autonomy.
3) “I can’t live without you”
You might hear this phrase when you’re trying to establish boundaries or when you’re considering ending the relationship. It’s designed to make you feel responsible for their happiness and well-being, making it harder for you to leave.
It’s important to remember that each person is responsible for their own happiness. Being in a relationship should be a choice, not an obligation. You are not responsible for someone else’s emotional well-being at the expense of your own.
4) “No one else will ever love you like I do”
“No one else will ever love you like I do” is a raw, cruel tactic often used by manipulative men.
You might hear this phrase amid an argument or when you’re expressing dissatisfaction with the relationship. It’s a way to make you feel that you’re lucky to have their love, even when they’re treating you poorly.
This phrase is a blatant lie. There is no such thing as one unique kind of love that only one person can provide. Love comes in many forms and from many sources. You are deserving of respect, kindness, and love, from a partner who treats you well and values you for who you are.
5) “Why can’t you be more like…?”
When a man says, “Why can’t you be more like…?” it’s a comparison game that no one can win, and it’s designed to make you strive for his approval.
You might hear this phrase when he’s talking about an ex, a friend, or even a fictional character. It’s a manipulative tactic that aims to make you feel like you’re not good enough the way you are.
There’s no need to change yourself to fit someone else’s ideal. You are enough, just as you are. A truly loving partner would appreciate and love you for your individuality and not compare you with others.
6) “Can’t you take a joke?”
You might hear this phrase when you express hurt or discomfort towards a comment he made, a joke he cracked, or an action that disrespected you. He uses it to make you feel like you’re being overly sensitive and to avoid taking responsibility for his actions.
But let’s be clear, if a ‘joke’ hurts your feelings or disrespects you, it’s not a joke. It’s okay to express your feelings and stand your ground.
7) “You always…” or “You never…”
These statements are usually exaggerations, and they can make you feel defensive and misunderstood.
For instance, you might hear, “You never listen to me,” when in fact, you do listen but may have disagreed on a few occasions. Or “You always forget important dates,” even though you might have only missed one or two.
These blanket statements can make you feel like you’re constantly failing and can even push you to go overboard trying to prove them wrong.
8) “If you loved me, you would…”
“If you loved me, you would…” is a manipulative phrase that’s often used to guilt trip and coerce. It’s a low blow that uses your feelings for them against you.
You might hear this phrase when he wants you to do something that goes against your comfort zone, values, or even personal boundaries. It’s a way of making you prove your love by complying with his demands.
But here’s the tough love: love should never be conditional or used as a bargaining chip. True love respects individuality and boundaries. You don’t have to compromise your values or comfort to prove your love for someone.
9) “I’m sorry, but…”
The phrase “I’m sorry, but…” is a subtle form of manipulation that’s often overlooked. It’s an insincere apology that deflects blame and avoids taking full responsibility.
You might hear this phrase after an argument or a hurtful incident. It’s a way for him to seem like he’s apologizing, while in reality, he’s justifying his actions and putting the blame back on you.
Here’s the most important thing to remember: a sincere apology doesn’t include a ‘but’. It takes responsibility for the actions without blaming you or making excuses. In a healthy relationship, both partners should be able to apologize genuinely when they’re in the wrong.
So, what’s next?
It’s essential to understand that you cannot change a manipulative person’s behavior by adjusting your responses or by loving them more. It is their responsibility to recognize and address their manipulative behaviors.
As painful as it may be, sometimes the best course of action is to distance yourself from such a person. This space can give you the perspective you need to reflect on your relationship and decide what is best for your mental and emotional well-being.
Remember, everyone deserves respect, understanding, and genuine love in their relationships. You are worthy of a relationship where you feel valued and heard. Reflect on these points, listen to your feelings, and don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you feel overwhelmed.
