Tara Whitmore
If you’ve ever been around a toxic person, you know how their words can crawl under your skin and disturb your peace of mind.
Their language often contains subtle phrases designed to manipulate, provoke or belittle you. These interactions can leave you feeling confused and agitated.
As a psychologist, I’ve come across many such instances. It’s important to remember that toxic behavior is a conscious choice, not a clinical condition.
Each person’s experience with toxicity varies, so navigating these situations can be tricky.
In this article, I’ll be shedding light on “8 subtle phrases a toxic person will say when they want to get under your skin”. Understanding these can help you manage your interactions better.
1) “You’re too sensitive…”
This is a classic phrase used by toxic individuals as a form of gaslighting. It’s a way for them to dismiss your feelings and make you question your own reality.
For example, if you express hurt or disappointment over something they’ve done or said, they might respond with, “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re overreacting.”
The underlying message here is that your emotions are invalid and excessive. It’s a tactic designed to make you feel guilty for expressing your feelings, eventually leading you to suppress your emotions in order to avoid such confrontations.
This phrase can leave you second-guessing yourself, wondering if you truly are being overly sensitive or if your reactions are indeed warranted. Over time, this can erode your self-confidence and self-esteem, making it easier for the toxic person to control or manipulate you.
Remember, it’s not about being overly sensitive; it’s about them refusing to acknowledge and respect your feelings. Recognizing this pattern is the first step in asserting your boundaries and protecting your emotional wellbeing.
2) “I was only joking…”
In the realm of toxic communication, “I was only joking” is a phrase that’s often weaponized to pass off hurtful comments as harmless humor. For instance, if they make a derogatory remark about you and you express your dismay, they might try to brush it off with, “Can’t you take a joke?”
This creates a confusing dynamic where you’re made to feel like the one at fault for not being able to appreciate their ‘humor’. It’s a subtle way of belittling your feelings and invalidating your concerns.
But here’s the crux: humor is meant to bring joy, not cause distress. If their ‘joke’ leaves you feeling upset or uncomfortable, it’s not a joke—it’s a disguised insult.
Learning to spot this tactic can help you differentiate between genuine humor and disguised toxicity. Always trust your feelings—if a joke hurts, it’s not funny.
3) “No one else thinks that…”
This is another potent phrase used by toxic people to undermine your confidence. By suggesting that everyone else has a different opinion, they attempt to isolate you and make you feel like your views are incorrect or insignificant.
The aim here is to make you doubt your own judgement and conform to their point of view. It’s a form of social proof, where we tend to change our beliefs or behaviors based on what we perceive the majority thinks or does.
However, it’s important to remember that just because a majority holds a certain opinion, it doesn’t necessarily make it correct or valid.
Your thoughts and feelings are just as important, regardless of whether they align with others’ or not. Stand firm in your convictions and don’t let anyone manipulate you into believing otherwise.
4) “I’m sorry you feel that way…”
On the surface, this phrase might seem like an apology, but it’s far from it. Instead of expressing genuine remorse for their actions, the toxic person is simply acknowledging your feelings, without taking responsibility for causing them.
This phrase can be particularly hurtful because it subtly shifts the blame onto you. It implies that the problem lies with your feelings, not their actions. It’s a hollow apology that can leave you feeling unheard and misunderstood.
Please remember, it’s okay to want and expect sincere apologies when you’ve been hurt. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Recognizing these pseudo-apologies can help you maintain your emotional balance when dealing with toxic individuals.
5) “I don’t remember saying that…”
This phrase is a common go-to for toxic individuals when they want to dodge accountability. By denying or questioning the accuracy of your recollection, they create doubt and confusion, making it easier for them to escape responsibility.
This can be especially troubling when you clearly remember the conversation or incident. You might start questioning your memory and perception, which is exactly what the toxic person wants.
Chances are, we’ve all been in situations where someone has dismissed our version of events. It’s important to trust your memory and stand by your experiences. You know what happened, and you know how it made you feel. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
6) “You always…”/”You never…”
This phrase, often accompanied by sweeping generalizations, is a favorite tool in the toxic person’s toolbox. By using absolute terms like “always” or “never”, they paint you with an overly negative or positive brush to suit their narrative.
For instance, if you forget to do something once, they might say, “You never remember anything!” This exaggeration can make you feel inadequate and anxious about making any future mistakes.
I recall a friend who was constantly on the receiving end of such comments from her partner. It got to a point where she began doubting her capabilities and felt trapped in a cycle of self-criticism.
Remember, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. Don’t let someone’s exaggerations define your self-worth.
7) “If you really cared about me, you would…”
This manipulative phrase is a classic example of emotional blackmail. By questioning your care or love for them based on your actions, the toxic person aims to control your behavior and decisions.
It’s a ploy designed to make you feel guilty and obligated to meet their demands, regardless of whether they’re reasonable or not. It’s a veiled threat, suggesting that their affection for you hinges on your compliance.
Look, it’s crucial to understand that love and care are not transactional. They’re based on mutual respect and understanding, not manipulation or coercion. You shouldn’t have to prove your feelings by bending to someone else’s will. Recognize this tactic for what it is and don’t be afraid to call it out.
8) “Why can’t you be more like…”
This phrase is a direct attack on your self-esteem. By comparing you unfavorably to others, the toxic person aims to make you feel inadequate and insecure. The goal is to make you strive harder for their approval, thereby gaining more control over you.
Whether it’s comparing you to an ex-partner, a friend, or even a fictional character, this tactic is deeply hurtful and unfair.
Here’s the deal: You are unique, with your own strengths and weaknesses. No one else is quite like you, and that’s your superpower. Don’t let anyone make you feel less valuable by drawing comparisons. You are enough, just as you are. Remember that.
Final thoughts
Navigating interactions with toxic individuals can be challenging and emotionally draining. But remember, your feelings are valid and you have every right to voice them.
This article aimed to arm you with the knowledge to recognize these subtle manipulative phrases. However, the power to act upon this knowledge rests in your hands.
The time you invest in maintaining your emotional well-being is never wasted.
Being truly wise means not allowing others to manipulate your emotions or dictate how you should feel. Stay true to yourself and value your own peace of mind above all else.
Here’s to fostering healthier relationships and safeguarding your emotional well-being!
