Pearl Nash
Quiet confidence can feel like an undefinable quality.
Certain people just seem to radiate self-assurance. There’s nothing explicitly confident about how they behave, you can simply feel it bubbling beneath the surface.
But in reality, they’re giving off certain little cues and clues that we read loud and clear.
These are the subtle habits that reveal a self-assured person…
1) Maintaining good posture
Slouching says that someone is feeling a little unsure of themselves.
Why?
Because they’re trying to make themselves smaller and take up less space.
Conversely when someone stands up straight and gently pushes their shoulders back it gives off the signal that they’re comfortable in their own skin.
Our body language is really key to conveying confidence — or a lack of it.
Self-assured people let you know how they feel about themselves in the way they carry themselves.
2) Making eye contact
Eye contact can be intense.
So much so that too much becomes very quickly inappropriate. Yet too little can signpost to insecurity and nervousness.
That’s why there is an eye contact sweet spot. And self-assured people are pretty good at finding this middle ground.
According to experts, there are a few rules when it comes to confident eye contact:
- Make eye contact right away
- Maintain for around 4-5 seconds before glancing away
- Keep eye contact 50 percent of the time while speaking and 70% of the time while listening
- Avoid darting your eyes around, looking down or from side to side — which suggests anxiousness
3) Showing up as your authentic self
We’re actually pretty good at telling when someone is faking.
Work the room for 30 minutes at a party and very quickly you can usually pinpoint the attention seekers, the exaggerators, and the show-offs.
The point is that most of us have a good gauge of reading sincerity in others.
What’s more, we find it very appealing. Yet it can be surprisingly difficult to do.
We should never underestimate the strength it takes to be vulnerable enough to show up as ourselves.
That’s why being who you are without pretending to be anything else is a huge sign of self-assurance.
Self-assured people:
- Don’t try to impress
- Don’t try to be agreeable at any cost
- Don’t go along with the crowd just to gain approval
For better or worse, they stay true to who they are.
4) Not being afraid to mess up or make a fool of yourself
Self-assured people don’t have to pretend to be infallible.
They’ll let themselves fail, fall, mess up, and admit mistakes.
They can say sorry and make amends. It’s not the end of the world if they feel a bit silly. They’re often happy to make themselves the butt of the joke.
All of this is down to the fact that their ego is far from fragile and so can take the hit.
Their self-esteem is built on far deeper foundations and a strong sense of internal validation.
5) Knowing when to say “no”
I’ve heard it said so many times that “no” is a complete sentence.
But I’ll be honest, I’ve never found the confidence to use it as such. And I think that’s pretty normal.
Let’s face it:
Most of us hate to disappoint people.
So even when we find the courage to say “no”, we can quickly find ourselves over-explaining our decision.
The easier someone finds saying no, without needing to apologize or justify, the more self-assured they usually are.
That’s because, at the end of the day, the better we are at upholding boundaries the more confident we tend to be.
6) Giving others the limelight
This subtle habit can easily go overlooked. Because by its very nature, the person doing it is intentionally taking a back seat.
Instead, they give center stage to someone else.
That might be by celebrating others’ successes, passing the mic so that other voices can be heard, or simply standing back to give others some attention.
We all have a deep desire to be seen, heard, and recognized.
But self-assured people have enough confidence to share the limelight.
They don’t fear that doing so detracts from them or what they have to offer.
7) Taking pride in your body without being image obsessed
Taking care of yourself is ultimately a sign of self-respect.
That might be through a mindful diet, getting exercise, and keeping good hygiene.
It’s through cultivating incredibly basic habits like getting enough sleep and drinking enough water.
Self-assured people often make an effort to present themselves in a positive light and look well-presented.
But they never base their value on how they look.
Immense vanity is actually just a sign of insecurity.
That’s why self-assured people care very little about designer brands, or how much an outfit costs.
They’re not measuring or judging people on such superficiality.
They don’t always need to “look their best”, because it doesn’t define them as a person.
8) Asking for help
Having confidence is not about being able to do it all.
Quite the opposite.
Only the most secure people feel perfectly happy accepting support.
They don’t see it as a sign of weakness. They know that getting help makes them stronger — and so is a good thing.
Self-assured people are good at delegating to lighten their load.
No matter what level of expertise they have, they’re always keen to learn from others.
Far before things become too much, they’ll happily ask for help.
9) Keeping calm and composed in high-pressure situations
Confidence is very different from being cocky.
So rather than assert themselves on everyone around them, self-assured people would much rather avoid conflict.
Certainly the aggressive and unnecessary kind.
The real measure of someone is often how they respond and behave in challenging environments.
Self-assurance means you don’t feel the need to prove a point or always be right. Your self of sense doesn’t rely on the validation of those around you always agreeing with you.
So it’s much easier to keep your cool when your ego isn’t always jumping to your defense.
For that reason, self-assured people are far less likely to be triggered.
10) Accepting your flaws
Perhaps one of the biggest signs of a deep sense of self-assurance is being able to accept your whole self.
And that’s always going to include imperfections.
Being able to embrace your own weaknesses often unleashes some surprising strengths.
For starters, our flaws are simply diamonds in the rough in need of polishing. Being aware of them is how we do that.
There’s nothing strong about lying to yourself or ignoring your weaknesses. Self-assured people choose self-acceptance over denial.
They embrace the full truth of who they are — warts and all.
