Isabella Chase
We all aspire to uphold our self-worth, assert our boundaries, and demand fair treatment.
Yet these are elements that are often compromised when dealing with a narcissist. In such relationships, we can feel undermined, manipulated and disrespected.
Narcissists are known for their manipulation tactics – they can be charming and persuasive, yet emotionally draining. They thrive on control, attention and power, often leaving their victims feeling helpless and exhausted.
This behaviour is not only prevalent but also persistent, escalating as the relationship progresses. It’s a complex situation that can be difficult to navigate – especially in the initial stages of the relationship.
In this article, we’ve compiled 9 subtle yet effective strategies on how to handle a narcissist, based on psychological principles. Read on to reclaim your power and learn how to play a narcissist at their own game.
1) Assert your boundaries
Setting boundaries isn’t always a walk in the park – especially when dealing with a narcissist. Often, they will try to push and overstep these boundaries, leaving you feeling uncomfortable and violated.
But maintaining solid and firm boundaries is crucial in dealing with a narcissist. You may find that they often try to manipulate situations in their favor or demand your constant attention and time.
In these instances, it’s important to remember that your time, your comfort, and your emotions are valuable. Asserting your boundaries could mean saying no to their unreasonable demands, or choosing not to engage in their attempts to provoke you.
For instance, they might insist on having dinner with you on a night you’d planned to spend with friends.
Instead of giving into their demands, stand firm in your decision. It’s okay to prioritize your own plans and relationships.
By doing this, you’re setting clear expectations about what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t. It’s a subtle way of taking back control and playing the narcissist at their own game.
2) Build a support system
Narcissists often aim to isolate their victims, leaving them feeling lonely and helpless. This tactic makes it easier for them to manipulate and control the situation.
However, having a strong and supportive network of friends and family can make a significant difference. This support system can provide you with the emotional strength and perspective needed when dealing with a narcissist.
Think of this network as your personal cheerleading squad – there to remind you of your worth, provide encouragement, and offer advice. They can help you stay grounded in reality when the narcissist tries to distort it.
For example, when the narcissist uses manipulative tactics such as gaslighting – making you doubt your own memories or perceptions – your support network can reinforce your version of reality.
In essence, by maintaining and strengthening your relationships outside the narcissist’s influence, you’re subtly undermining their control over you. You’re not alone in this game – and that can make all the difference.
3) Listen to their stories
It might seem odd, but actively listening to a narcissist can be an effective strategy.
Narcissists love to talk about themselves, their achievements, their grandiose plans. And they relish having an attentive audience.
By calmly listening, you’re actually gaining valuable insight into their behaviour, mindset, and patterns of manipulation. This knowledge can be your secret weapon – allowing you to anticipate and counteract their attempts at control.
However, listening doesn’t mean agreeing or participating in their self-aggrandizement. It’s about maintaining a level of detachment and observing their behaviour.
For instance, if they boast about their latest ‘achievement’ that clearly crosses moral or legal lines, instead of challenging them directly (which they may see as a confrontation), you could respond with noncommittal remarks like “That’s interesting” or “I see”.
Remember, this isn’t about feeding their ego, but about gathering information to protect yourself better in this game of wits.
4) Accept their limitations
This might be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s critical to understand and accept that a narcissist is unlikely to change. No matter how much love, patience or understanding you offer, their deeply ingrained need for control and admiration will persist.
It’s heartbreaking to come to terms with, especially if you care about this person. But understanding this can save you from endless cycles of hope and disappointment.
Your kindness and empathy won’t cure their narcissism. They might promise to change or show fleeting moments of self-awareness, only to revert back to their old ways soon after.
In accepting their limitations, you’re not giving up or condoning their behaviour.
Instead, you’re acknowledging the reality of the situation, which is a crucial step in protecting yourself and making informed decisions about how to interact with them.
5) Practice self-care
Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. Their constant need for attention and their manipulative tactics can leave you feeling exhausted, anxious, and low on self-esteem.
That’s why it’s necessary to prioritize your own well-being.
Take time to do things you love, whether it’s:
- Reading a good book
- Spending time in nature
- Practicing yoga
- Catching up with old friends over coffee
Nurture your own interests and passions outside of the relationship.
Remember that it’s okay to take care of yourself first. It’s not selfish, but rather an act of self-love and preservation.
By taking care of yourself, you’re ensuring that you have the emotional strength to deal with the challenges that come with interacting with a narcissist.
In this challenging situation, you need to be your own best friend – patient, understanding, and kind to yourself. Your well-being matters just as much as anyone else’s – never forget that.
6) Trust your instincts
We’ve all had those moments where something just doesn’t feel right. Perhaps it’s a comment that was subtly degrading, or an action that crossed a line.
But sometimes, in the face of a narcissist’s charm and manipulation, we tend to second-guess these instincts.
It’s important to remember that your feelings and instincts are valid. If something feels off, it likely is. You don’t need to have tangible proof or validation from others to trust your own feelings.
For instance, if the narcissist in your life tells a story where you’re supposed to be the one at fault, but you remember it differently, trust yourself. Narcissists are known for their gaslighting tactics – manipulating others into questioning their own memories or sanity.
So, the next time you feel uncomfortable or confused by their actions or words, remember to trust your gut. It’s okay to question their version and stand by your own truth.
Your instinct is one of your most powerful tools in this game – use it wisely.
7) Embrace humor
Let’s face it, dealing with a narcissist can be tough and emotionally draining. That’s why it’s important to find a little humor in the situation to lighten the load.
Laughter is, after all, the best medicine! It can ease tension, lift your spirits, and provide a much-needed break from the seriousness of the situation. And who knows, it might even catch the narcissist off guard!
For instance, if they’re bragging about their latest ‘achievement’, you could playfully say something like “Wow, you’re just two steps away from becoming a superhero now!”
Of course, this doesn’t mean making light of abusive behavior or ignoring your feelings. But finding humor in their grandiose stories or exaggerated self-importance can help you maintain a sense of levity and perspective.
So go ahead, have a little chuckle. It’s okay to find humor in the absurdity of it all. After all, laughter truly is a ray of sunshine in any storm.
8) Be ready to walk away
This is perhaps the hardest, yet most powerful strategy when dealing with a narcissist.
There comes a point where you need to ask yourself – is this relationship serving you? Is it healthy? Is it worth the emotional turmoil?
Sometimes, the best way to win the game is to stop playing it altogether.
Walking away doesn’t mean you’ve lost. It means you value your peace and well-being more than winning an unwinnable game.
It’s never easy to walk away from someone, especially if there are strong feelings or shared history involved. But remember, you deserve respect, kindness, and genuine love – not manipulation and control.
So, if you find that your interactions with the narcissist are causing you more harm than good, it’s time to consider stepping away. You’re not giving up – you’re choosing yourself. And that’s the bravest thing you can do.
9) Remember your worth
Above all, never forget your self-worth. Narcissists have a knack for making others feel inadequate or less than. But remember, their perception of you doesn’t define your value.
You are deserving of respect, kindness, and genuine love. Your feelings and experiences are valid. Your needs and boundaries matter. And you have the strength within you to navigate this challenging situation.
Whether you’re able to walk away from the narcissist in your life or have to continue interactions with them, always remember this: Their inability to value you doesn’t decrease your worth.
Hold onto that truth. Lean on it in moments of self-doubt or confusion. It’s the most powerful weapon in your arsenal against narcissistic manipulation.
Final thoughts
Navigating a relationship or interaction with a person who has narcissistic tendencies is no easy task.
It can be emotionally exhausting and challenging. You may find yourself constantly questioning your worth, your decisions, and even your sanity.
But remember, as renowned psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula often says, “You can’t change a narcissist, but you can change how you respond to them.”
It’s important to understand that this isn’t about defeating the narcissist or getting them to see your point of view. Chances are, they never will.
But this is about you – about asserting your worth, protecting your mental health, and learning to navigate complex interactions with wisdom and strength.
Remember, each of these steps is a process. It takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself. And know that it’s okay to seek help – from trusted friends, family, or a professional therapist.
