Eliza Hartley
There’s a thin line between being a caring parent and an overbearing one.
Overparenting often happens when the best intentions cross paths with excessive control.
Growing up under such conditions can often lead to certain behaviors in adulthood. As an overparented child myself, I’ve realized that we exhibit some subtle behaviors that others might not immediately recognize.
From my personal experience and observations, I’ve identified seven such behaviors.
In the following article, I’ll be sharing 7 subtle behaviors of people who were overparented as a child.
I hope this can give you a better understanding of how overparenting can impact a person’s adult life.
1) Overthinking decisions
Overparenting often involves an excessive amount of guidance and interference.
For a child, this means that many decisions are made for them, leaving little room for them to exercise their own judgment.
As a result, when faced with the need to make decisions in adulthood, those who were overparented may find it a daunting task.
This isn’t your typical indecisiveness. It’s more of an intense analysis or overthinking of every possible outcome before making a decision.
This behavior is often rooted in the fear of making the “wrong” choice and facing potential consequences – a fear that was instilled through years of overparenting.
Recognizing this as a consequence of overparenting can be the first step toward understanding and addressing such behaviors.
However, it’s crucial to approach this with empathy and understanding – we are, after all, products of our upbringing.
2) Difficulty with failure
I can tell you from personal experience, that failure is a tough pill to swallow when you’ve been overparented.
Growing up, my parents had high expectations and failure was not an option. Every setback was seen as a catastrophe, every mistake a major blunder.
I remember once I got a B in math, which was my weakest subject. Instead of celebrating the improvement, I was reprimanded for not getting an A. The message was clear – only the best was acceptable.
As adults, many of us overparented kids struggle with the concept of failure. We see it as absolute defeat rather than a chance to learn and grow.
This fear of failure can paralyze us, preventing us from taking risks and stepping out of our comfort zones. It’s a subtle behavior that can limit our potential, stemming from the overbearing parenting style we were subjected to.
3) Constant need for validation
Overparented individuals often seek continuous affirmation and approval. This is because as children, their actions were constantly scrutinized and judged by their parents.
They become accustomed to this external validation and carry it into adulthood, feeling anxious and unsure in the absence of it.
Did you know the human brain processes rejection as physical pain? That’s right, the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain.
This could explain why people who were overparented have such a high sensitivity to rejection. They’ve been conditioned to avoid it at all costs, which often translates into a chronic need for validation from others.
4) Difficulty setting boundaries
Overparenting often involves parents crossing the boundaries of their children, whether it’s invading their privacy, making decisions for them, or not allowing them to express their individuality.
As a result, children who grow up in such environments may struggle to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in their adult relationships.
They may allow others to overstep their personal comfort zones, or they might find it hard to express their needs and wants clearly. This can lead to personal dissatisfaction, strained relationships, and even mental health issues in the long run.
Understanding this behavior and its roots can assist in learning to assert oneself and set healthy boundaries.
5) Perfectionism
I’ve always been a stickler for details. I remember spending hours on school projects, striving to make them perfect. Every detail had to be just right, every element perfectly aligned.
This wasn’t just about getting a good grade, it went beyond that. It was about avoiding criticism, meeting expectations, and striving to be flawless in all aspects.
Perfectionism is a common trait among those who are overparented. As children, we often feel the need to meet our parents’ high standards and avoid disapproval at all costs.
This can carry into adulthood as a relentless pursuit of perfection, often leading to stress, burnout, and self-criticism when we fail to meet these unrealistic standards.
6) Over-reliance on others
Growing up with overbearing parents often means being heavily reliant on them for decision-making, problem-solving, and emotional support.
This dependence can carry over into adulthood, leading to a tendency to rely on others excessively. It can manifest as difficulty in making decisions independently or seeking constant advice and reassurance from others.
This behavior can hinder personal growth and self-reliance, making it challenging to navigate life’s ups and downs independently.
Understanding this over-reliance is an essential step towards fostering self-reliance and confidence in one’s abilities.
7) Difficulty expressing emotions
Growing up in an overparented environment often means having your emotions controlled, dismissed, or even punished.
This can lead to difficulty in expressing emotions in adulthood. It can manifest as suppressing feelings, struggling to articulate emotions, or feeling guilty for having negative emotions.
This behavior not only affects personal well-being but can also strain relationships and hinder effective communication.
The most vital thing to understand about this behavior is that it’s okay to feel. Emotions are a normal part of human nature, and expressing them is a healthy and necessary part of life.
Final reflection
The complexities of human behavior are often deeply rooted in our childhood experiences.
One such connection is the link between overparenting and the subtle behaviors we’ve discussed.
These behaviors, while often overlooked, can provide invaluable insight into understanding ourselves and others better.
By becoming aware of these behaviors, we can understand their origins, and their impact on our lives, and take steps toward personal growth and healing.
Whether it’s struggling with decision-making, seeking constant validation, or being a perfectionist, the underlying cause might be rooted in overparenting.
At the end of the day, understanding is power – power to change, to grow, and to live a more fulfilled life. It’s about acknowledging our past, learning from it, and moving forward with newfound insight and perspective.
