Stay single until you find a man who does these 11 things

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They say it’s better to be alone than in bad company.

And guess what? It’s true, especially when it comes to romantic relationships.

Having a partner can be a disaster as much as paradise, and the difference between the two primarily depends on who you choose.

Your future’s in your hands. Choose wisely. Stay single until you find a man who does these 11 things.

1) He goes out of his way to see you smile

It sounds too simple to be true, but it’s often the most ordinary things that keep two people from floating apart like balloons in the wind.

Small gestures of kindness. A hug to welcome you home. Compliments that lift your spirits.

Your partner’s expression of love might look different based on their personality – a shy and quiet guy probably isn’t going to serenade you at a shopping mall any time soon – but what matters is that you feel loved.

And he can go even further! I find the 5 love languages to be an amazing tool when it comes to learning how to love and how to receive love.

If he knows you’re big on words of affirmation, he’ll write you letters. If it’s acts of service, he’ll do the dishes when it’s your turn and you’re really tired.

Don’t settle for the bare minimum. With the right man, you won’t ever need to beg for scraps of attention. He’ll give you plenty.

2) He loves to watch you thrive

That’s plenty of attention ticked off! But we’re not stopping there, not at all. The right man will give you plenty of emotional support, too. He’ll revel in your success and will love to see you have your own purpose in life.

Dating a man doesn’t mean you become his shadow.

Don’t get me wrong, some men do still expect it – they want to be the main breadwinners whatever it takes, are looking for someone who isn’t smarter lest it shatters their ego, and they make you feel smaller, stifling your potential.

Yeah, we’re steering clear of those. My advice is to stay single, grow your own universe of hobbies, career opportunities, and friends, and when the right man comes along, add him in.

He’ll be excited to be part of your life and won’t ever feel threatened by your success. On the contrary, he’ll be your number-one fan.

3) He displays realistic optimism

He’s not just your fan – he’s a fan of life. The best men out there are excited and curious about all the amazing things that life brings.

They love to explore the world, be it through hiking, adrenaline sports, traveling, or even combing through Wikipedia pages to soak up as much information as possible (that’s what my boyfriend does – everyone say hi).

However, they’re not just naively optimistic. They display what’s called realistic optimism. They understand that failure is an inevitable part of life and that they will be challenged along the way.

But they dive in anyway because they believe it’s worth it.

This mindset is contagious, making you feel alive and excited to share a life with someone like that. What’s more, the “realism” part gives rise to a feeling of safety because you know he won’t do anything too risky.

4) He makes the relationship a 100% safe space

Safety is a vital component of any romantic relationship. As you’re opening up and exploring each other’s vulnerabilities, it’s important to know your weaknesses won’t ever be used against you.

Find a man who has your best interest at heart. If you ever broke up, would he still respect you and be kind? You can usually gauge this by the way he speaks of his exes and the way he treats people he doesn’t find attractive.

There’s more to it, though. A safe space isn’t just about sharing the bad things – more than anything, it’s about the complete freedom to be your free and silly self.

Do you ever talk in a baby voice to your partner? The outside world might find it infinitely annoying, but psychologists say it actually deepens your emotional connection because you can be your childlike self without judgment.

That is what a safe space truly is. A person that makes you feel like you can let go. No pretense. Just freedom.

5) He tells you the truth – no buts

Safety is built on trust, and trust is built on honesty.

“Effective communication is key.” They all say it, don’t they?

That’s because it’s true. Your partner is 50% of your team. If he doesn’t tell you the truth about how things really are…that’s 50% of your relationship you can’t rely on.

Might as well be single at that point.

Truth isn’t always simple, of course. Your partner shouldn’t withhold important information (e.g., cheating on you), but he also doesn’t have to share every second of his day with you.

Lies aren’t welcome, though. Begone, lies!

6) He’s friends with integrity and virtue

…and begone, questionable morals!

As Epictetus once said, “To live a life of virtue, match up your thoughts, words, and deeds.”

And he was right. The two most attractive qualities in a man are the integrity of character and the inherent knowledge of right and wrong.

A man like that is someone you can rely on. If he says one thing, he isn’t going to act in a completely opposite way. His word bears weight. It’s not empty.

And he’s going to fight for what’s right.

7) He approaches problems like Bob the Builder

Fighting for what’s right includes fighting for you and your relationship. Problems are inevitable. At some point, you’ll clash.

When things go wrong, the last thing you need is a man who either pretends everything’s fine or blames you. It only adds salt to the injury.

Look for someone who sees a problem from the perspective of Bob the Builder. Someone who immediately thinks, “Can we fix it? Yes, we can!”

This way, your disagreements won’t turn into a screaming match. Instead, you’ll both have the space to express how you feel, apologize, and work on fixing the issue.

8) He expresses his feelings openly

Macho culture teaches boys to bottle up their feelings. The only acceptable emotion is anger.

But the truth is, most women don’t want to date a ticking bomb. We want men who feel and aren’t afraid to show it.

The right man will express his emotions. This in turn leads to more effective communication because you trust each other and always know where you’re at.

9) He knows himself very well

Emotional maturity goes hand in hand with self-awareness, which is crucial to the healthy functioning of any relationship.

Imagine he’s made a mistake. Imagine you’ve told him. And imagine the nightmare that would ensue if he had no self-awareness to admit he was wrong.

All men know that confidence is attractive. What they often don’t realize is that a tiny bit of humility is just as important.

A man who knows his strengths and weaknesses, who isn’t scared to ask questions and admit a lack of knowledge, who apologizes and shows respect…that, ladies and gentlemen, is a brand new level of confidence.

10) He ventures forth despite failures

When he stumbles, he picks himself up again. And then he keeps going, stronger and wiser than before. That’s what mental resilience is all about.

Did you know that humans are antifragile? If you bend a small branch, it’ll snap in two. If you bend a human’s will, it’ll grow stronger.

Well, that’s the case with some of us, anyway. Others will simply give up. 

A man who recovers from failure and continues to work on himself, though… that’s a man worth dating.

11) He respects your boundaries and doesn’t push them

He might push through life’s obstacles, but if there’s one thing he does not push at all, it’s your boundaries.

If you say no, it means no. If you set down some ground rules together, he won’t try to break them when you’re not looking.

This is the culmination of what we’ve said above – ensuring your relationship is a safe space, making you smile, showing integrity…

Most of all, though, respecting your boundaries is about precisely that – respect. I’ve seen way too many relationships fall apart because one person didn’t have enough respect for the other.

Find a man who views you as an independent person worth cherishing. Who loves you selflessly, in a way that radiates with kindness.

And if your search takes longer than expected, remember what we said at the very beginning: it’s better to be alone than in bad company.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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