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11 common stages of how men fall in love (complete guide)

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Falling in love is different for everyone.

Some can look at another person and just tell that they’re going to get married.

Others might take their time getting to the “I love you” stage.

Men and women also fall in love in different ways.

While women may be drawn more by the character and personality of their potential partner, appearances strike men first.

The way men fall in love is no mystery, but it can be difficult to read.

Often, women might ask, “Does he love me or is he really just a nice guy?”

To understand the signs, here are 11 stages that men go through when they fall in love.

1. The First Looks

This is the stage where the woman suddenly appears on the man’s radar.

Since men are typically more caught by a woman’s physical appearance, this is a stage of simply trying to spot her in a crowded place.

He might not yet know her name, so he uses visual cues to remember her.

He’ll remember her by her hairstyle, fashion, eyes, even her smile.

He might not be feeling much love yet, but this is where his excitement begins.

He might try making eye contact, and smiling at her to get her to notice him.

He’ll start to wonder, “Who is she?”, which will take him from this stage to the next.

2. The Playful Flirts

This is the stage of corny pick-up lines, subtle brags to stand out, and maybe even light teases at each other.

It’s a back and forth dance that people often enjoy doing when they each sense some kind of attraction between them.

He might try to make her laugh with a joke, and she might reply with another one of her own.

They might develop their own inside jokes about where they first met up.

There isn’t much love going on here yet, but the potential is very real.

The tension between the two is only fuelling his curiosity about her.

He might not even realize it yet, but he’s already begun thinking of her in a potentially romantic way.

3. The Consideration

This is when the man begins thinking, “Maybe I could go out with her?”.

He begins seeing the woman as more than just someone he can flirt with but someone he might build a relationship with.

Some guys will immediately see their future with a woman.

They’ll see all the dates they’ll go to, which church they’ll get married in, how many kids they’ll have, and where they’ll eventually grow old together.

Other guys aren’t as romantically psychic.

At this point, the guy might be saying, “Okay, we’ll give this a shot. Let’s see where it goes”

He isn’t yet sure of what is going to happen between them, or if it will even work out, but he’s now definitely open to the possibility of it if it does.

4. The First Moves

Once he’s considered there may be a possibility between him and the girl, this is when he starts making his moves towards her.

It’s another stage of flirting except it isn’t all jokes; he might simply just want them to get to know each other better.

What better time to get to know each other than going out on the first date? So this is the stage when he might ask her out.

Getting to know her a little bit more during the first date will be crucial to how he is going to approach her in the next stages.

If the first date goes well, then it’s very likely that the guy will continue pursuing, falling deeper and deeper through the stages of love.

5. The Pursuit and Courtship

At this point, he’s fairly confident that he likes her. So now he intends to get her to like him back.

He’ll start spending more of his time and money giving her gifts and surprising her, all for the purpose of trying to win her affection.

After learning more about her during their first date, he can begin to model his approach based on what he knows she likes.

Since she said that she likes basketball, he might surprise her with tickets to a basketball game.

If she mentioned that she had fond memories drinking chocolate shakes, he might one day come in with two cups of sweet chocolate shake.

He might even simply give her her favorite flowers one day.

6. The Reconsideration

As he continues showering her with things that she enjoys, at some point he’s going to revisit these questions:

Is she the one for him?

Is it worth pursuing a relationship with this girl?

Does she have potential for being someone he can be with for a long time?

Players continue courting a girl without asking themselves if they see any future with the girl.

But most other guys take this moment more seriously.

He might talk it over with his buddies over some beers.

He asks them if he’s crazy for going after someone like this.

His love at this point is becoming clearer and clearer.

7. The Conviction

After reflecting on his thoughts and feelings about the girl and deeming her to be “the one” for him, this is when he starts courting her again but with more confidence.

He’s sure of what he wants out of their relationship.

He might not even have admitted yet to himself or to other people, but he’s already so close to saying that he loves her (if he hasn’t said it already).

This is the point where others might start calling him crazy, stupid, or a fool for doing so much just to win the affection of a girl.

He starts bringing out the big guns: bigger, more meaningful gifts and surprises. He swears he’ll do anything for her.

8. The Test

But there’s always a stage where his love for her is tested. He might catch her hanging out with someone he doesn’t even know.

Or he has to decide whether to choose her or follow the safer path in his life without her.

He might feel confused, angry, even frustrated at everything.

He knew that if he just didn’t care so much about her, this wouldn’t bother him so much – but it does.

While this might be a painful and stressful time, he might realize his true feelings: he’s actually falling deeper and deeper in love with her.

It’s only through the pain can he see it.

9. The Reaffirmation

He might start questioning once more if this is a woman worth fighting for.

He tries to find the strength within himself to reaffirm that he does love her.

This might also be a point where the woman might also let him know that she likes him too.

This fuels his love for her even more. It’s what he’s been wishing and hoping for all this time.

10. The Decision

Once he learns that she likes him back, he might be blinded for a short while.

He’ll feel like he’s walking on air, and be the happiest man in the world.

But now he just doesn’t want her to like him back. He wants them to become a true couple.

This is like a mental shift towards being even more loyal to her: no more looking around, because she’s the one for him. And he knows it.

11. The Union and Commitment

The final stage of a man falling in love is when he finally asks the woman to be together as a couple.

This could be marriage or even just as a boyfriend first.

At this point, he wants to make it clear not just for the both of you but for everyone else that you’re both in an exclusive relationship.

Maybe before being exclusive was just something that the both of them only sort of agreed on or had an unspoken understanding of.

But if he wants to really make it official, and if he’s so in love, he might be inclined to ask for it directly.

This might also be the point where he finally tells her that he loves her.

Some stages could last a few weeks, while others might last a night.

Some guys may not go through all the same stages, others might go through the 7th stage before the 3rd.

There’s no linear path to falling in love; it’s different for everyone.

There are couples who have tied the knot after only a few months, or slept together on the first date.

While others might still be waiting for that perfect first kiss. Everyone goes at their own pace.

If you’re in a relationship and you feel your partner is going too fast, you need to communicate that with them.

Maybe they’re already a few stages ahead of you, maybe not.

It’s about finding a balance between the both of you.

Once you’ve both reached the same stage, you can move forward in your relationship together.

That’s what makes the “I love you” even more special.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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