Paul Brian
There are certain people you meet who make you feel very relaxed.
You know the type I mean:
You feel at home in their presence and something about them makes you feel sure you can be yourself without judgment and really be authentic.
Here’s what makes such people so special…
1) They genuinely accept you
We all can tell when somebody accepts us or not.
A quick nod of the head and a genuine smile are a good start.
This welcoming nature makes a big impression on people and makes them feel at home.
This isn’t rocket science, but you’d be surprised how many people fail to make somebody feel welcome just by having hostile body language and habits.
By contrast, glowering looks or a refusal to acknowledge somebody make them feel unwanted and unwelcome.
2) They appreciate you
Appreciation is the next ingredient in the pie.
Nobody wants to be around somebody who doesn’t appreciate them and basically like them.
That’s why somebody who shows that they like you and appreciate you immediately becomes much more likable.
The exception is those who show appreciation only to get something from you, a common behavior of players and scammers.
No thanks!
3) They introduce you
Those who make us feel wanted and relaxed also have a habit of introducing.
This is the type of girl who introduces you to others at the bar when you arrive for a night out…
The type of guy who invites you to his house for a get-together and immediately introduces you to the people in the kitchen chugging beers…
It’s great to be around somebody who links you up with others so you don’t have to feel like a wallflower standing around waiting to meet the other people around you.
4) They let you talk
Even if you’re a quiet person, it’s always a breath of fresh air to be allowed to talk and feel like somebody’s actually listening.
The person who’s great at making us feel at ease is an individual who is more interested in who we are than in imposing him or herself.
This creates a friendly and receptive space for people.
You feel like you can be yourself and be heard rather than just being another number.
Whether it’s at work or in your personal life, that’s a great thing.
Which brings me to the next point…
5) They don’t judge you
People who are skilled at making others feel at ease tend to be very non-judgmental.
They allow you to be who you are without having any strong reaction to it.
You can be yourself and that’s good enough.
There’s no bar you have to pass to be “cool” enough or “intellectual” enough or “hot” enough to be in their club.
They’re fine with you just the way you are.
6) They make you laugh
When we laugh it releases dopamine, oxytocin and other euphoric and bonding chemicals into our bloodstream.
The result is that we feel much calmer and happier.
Somebody who is good at making you feel welcome and relaxed is often a person who is quite funny.
On the everyday level you can experience this in many contexts, for example even when you get on the flight and the pilot cracks a joke about the hot whether or how crowded the plane is.
By making you loosen up a little, the pilot has made you relax and feel at ease.
You’re all in this together and everything’s going to be fine.
7) They appreciate your jokes
On the other hand, in addition to joking and making you loosen up, people who make you feel welcome are adept at showing appreciation for your jokes.
There’s nothing that makes us feel good and relaxed like knowing other people find us funny and witty.
Of course, at the same time, nobody wants someone laughing at their jokes just out of politeness.
So this has to be genuine.
But assuming you make a funny comment or two and this hospitable individual laughs at it for real, you can bet you’re going to feel loosened up and welcomed.
Nothing says “you’re welcome here and feel free to be yourself” like having someone chuckle at one of your jokes.
8) They do activities with you
Words only go so far, of course, and one of the biggest aspects of a person who makes you feel at home is somebody who actually does stuff with you.
Whether that’s inviting you out on their boat or asking you and your wife if you want to tag along on their family outing, it’s all about feeling included.
Knowing that you’re not only wanted but also being actively included is a great feeling.
I still remember times I felt very alone and excluded and people came along and made a huge difference.
One example was when I was in Mexico traveling alone and staying at a resort. I looked around at the happy couples and friends groups and felt lonely and rejected.
Then one of the groups of guys said hi and in a friendly way invited me over to play volleyball and a group of women there on a bachelorette party.
Suddenly my whole mood shifted (even if I did end up getting my a** hustled in the ensuing beach volleyball game).
9) They make you feel equal
One of the most alienating experiences is to feel like others are looking down on you or above you in some way.
Whether it’s real or in your imagination, this perception is very hurtful.
The kind of people who make you feel very at ease are the opposite:
They show that they respect you as an equal and that they honestly welcome you without judging or ranking you in any way.
You don’t need to worry about how pretty or ugly you may be…
How smart or dumb…
How great your job is or simple…
You’re all equal here!
10) They celebrate differences
People who are good at making you feel at home also celebrate differences.
I don’t mean this in the corny Hallmark card of Canadian government diversity-speak way:
I mean they genuinely like being friends with people from all walks of life and find differences interesting and cool.
When you know that your differences aren’t being tokenized but they’re also not being judged or mocked, you can actually settle in and have a good time and be yourself!
This makes everyone feel welcome and wanted and able to relax.
Make yourself at home
Meeting somebody who puts us at ease is a great feeling.
The individual who can help others feel at home is a mature and emotionally intelligent person.
He or she is able to give us space to be ourselves while still making us feel welcome and wanted.
This is a great gift and wonderful wherever such a person is found.
