Even smart men can do these 9 dumb things in a relationship

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Smart men make smart choices…well, most of the time at least.

When it comes to love, we’re all a little “dumb” sometimes, and even the smartest men are not safe from the blinding powers of love.

So if you feel “stupid” for making some relationship mistakes, DON’T!

You aren’t dumb, you’re probably just madly in love.

Here are some common love mistakes even the smartest men commit.

1) Falling in love with someone’s potential

Most men—even the smartest ones—are stubbornly optimistic when it comes to the potential of the object of their affection.

In fact, the smarter the man is, the more optimism he has. 

This innate trait of theirs is the reason why they create “impossible” things. It’s true what they say that it takes a bit of delusion to become a genius.

But this same superpower can be dangerous when it comes to love and relationships.

They’ll see beauty and potential in even the most toxic person. 

But, of course, later, down the road, they’ll wonder “Why did I ever fall in love with them in the first place?!”

And the answer is that they didn’t see the person as they are, but as the person they can be.

2) Giving their partner everything

Even the most successful and most rational men commit this mistake, and it’s easy to see why.

Since we’re young, we’re conditioned that love should be “all or nothing”—that if we truly love someone, then we must give them all we have. 

And if we can’t give them everything we have, then it mustn’t be love at all.

Smart men are wise when it comes to everyday decision-making, but once they’re seriously smitten by someone, it’s difficult for them to set boundaries. 

They’ll give and give and give until they run dry.

This is unfortunate if they happen to be with manipulative and selfish partners who just want to take and take and take.

3) Expecting their partner to give them everything

If you give someone your everything—your money, mind, body, and soul—you naturally (but unconsciously) expect them to give you everything in return.

It’s only fair. Love should be reciprocal, after all.

But when giving has become an unbreakable rule (in other words, if you can’t say no or you can’t have a life separate from theirs), then it’s just unhealthy.

They’re bound to get disappointed with one another and it can lead to a codependent relationship. And, as we all know, this kind of relationship could turn really toxic in no time.

4) Not talking about important stuff early on

Smart men are aware that it’s wise to know incompatibilities and non-negotiables as early as possible. That way, when they really can’t compromise, they might as well not get into a relationship.

But when they’re actually in love, they just find it hard to ask and talk about serious matters.

They think it’s too aggressive (and unromantic) to discuss serious topics such as marriage, kids, addictions, finances, and future plans.

They’d rather float merrily in their love bubble and just let things unfold.

Then, of course, one day in the future, the bubble bursts when incompatibilities start to show up one after another.

Indeed, a lot of time is wasted when one is too meek.

5) Loving too intensely too soon

“Oh lovers! Be careful in those dangerous first days! Once you’ve brought breakfast in bed you’ll have to bring it forever, unless you want to be accused of lovelessness and betrayal.”― Milan Kundera

I find this funny because it’s kinda true. 

Many men go “all in” at the start of any relationship (thanks, hormones) but then later, they find it impossible to sustain.

While this isn’t really dangerous or totally unwise, two things could happen: 

If they’ve love bombed a woman and they realize they don’t want to start a relationship, then it would be harder for them to break the woman’s heart. 

And if they’ve love bombed them and they officially become a couple, then as Kundera said, it will make the woman miss the old ways and always question why the man “loves them less.”

The best thing to do is to take things slow. Don’t give them jewelry in the first week, and 1000 roses the next. 

6) Making big promises 

Sometimes, it just can’t be helped. When we’re excited and in love, we say big promises and grand plans. 

But then, we forget that promises mean a lot to women.

Some men —even the smartest ones—would say “I will marry you someday” in a joking manner…but then later they reveal they’re not the marrying type.

Or they promise to stop drinking too much the moment they become a couple, but they only did it for a few days and then went back to binge-drinking.

Women do take note of the things you tell them. For them, words are not just words—or at least they shouldn’t be. 

So if you once said you’ll marry them someday, they’ll take note of that. And so if there’s still no ring in year five, naturally, they’d feel betrayed.

Lesson? 

Don’t just say things to make your woman feel good, do them! And if you’re not sure you can, well…don’t even mention such things!

7) Not setting clear boundaries

Aside from giving their partner everything, most men—again, even the smartest, most rational ones—would fail to set limitations.

They’re afraid of being accused of being unloving, so they’d stay quiet even if they feel that their partner is asking too much.

They’d let their partner check their messages from time to time, probably so they won’t think they’re cheating.

They’ll lend their partner money even if they didn’t pay back the $1000 they owed them a month ago.

They’d let them use their favorite shirts when deep down, they hate it when they do it.

Of course, in the end, they’ll start to resent their partners and wonder why they’re slowly falling out of love with them.

Boundaries are necessary to relationships of any kind, but especially with romantic relationships. Set them or you and your relationship will suffer.

8) Prioritizing work over relationships

Men are conditioned to become the breadwinners of the family. 

And so when they’re serious with their relationship and they want to marry someday, they think working hard is the best expression of love.

They think “Who would want to marry someone who can’t afford a home?”, and “How can I have kids if I can’t even spoil my cat with good-quality cat food?”

While perfectly valid, if taken to the extreme, it could potentially affect their love and intimacy with their partners.

Relationships require maintenance—plain and simple.

And while their partners should understand that work is indeed necessary, it’s their duty to not make their woman feel neglected for a very long time.

9) Expecting things to effortlessly get better

Men hate “drama”. Some even blame women for being too moody or too emotional.

And so, some of them think that the wisest way to handle fights and problems is just to ignore it. 

Somehow, they’re confident they will just resolve on their own, and so they’d rather not talk about it.

For example, if their sex life is close to zero and they’re unhappy about it, they won’t say anything. They’ll pretend it’s all cool. 

It’s awkward to discuss such topics and they worry it could make things worse. Besides, they don’t want to be seen as a whiner. 

This approach to problems and conflicts isn’t the most effective. It works sometimes, but for the majority of conflicts, what works best is good communication.

Final thoughts

We’re all a little “dumb” when we’re in love. And it’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it?

As they say, if one uses their head when in love, they’re not doing it right.

So if you can relate to this list big time, don’t hate yourself. You’re definitely—DEFINITELY—not alone. Even the smartest men do them.

However, it doesn’t mean we should not do anything about them.

We should always strive to be a little bit wiser in our relationships. 

So yes, accept your “dumb mistakes” but try to work on improving how you approach and handle relationships. That way, you’ll be able to have a strong, and longer-lasting one.

Your future self and future partner will thank you for it!

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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