9 simple tricks to get someone to give you what you need in a relationship, according to psychology

The difference between expressing your needs and demanding them lies in your approach.

Asking for what you need in a relationship can feel daunting, but it doesn’t have to be. You don’t want to come off as needy or controlling.

There are simple tricks to navigate this path without causing any harm.

These strategies can help you convey your needs in a way that’s respectful and considerate.

In this article, we’ll explore 9 of these simple tricks to get what you need in a relationship without stepping on anyone’s toes.

1) Open communication

In any relationship, whether personal or professional, communication is key. Psychologists can’t stress this enough.

You see, we aren’t mind readers.

Most misunderstandings and disagreements are often due to poor or lack of communication.

So, if you need something in your relationship, the first step is to articulate it clearly. You may think your partner should just “know” what you want, but that’s rarely the case.

The trick is in how you communicate.

Avoid blaming language, and instead use “I” statements to express your needs.

For example, instead of saying “You never help with the chores”, you might say “I would really appreciate more help with the chores”.

Remember, it’s not about making demands but expressing your needs in a respectful way.

And when you communicate openly and honestly about what you need, it creates a safe space for your partner to do the same.

After all, this mutual understanding is the foundation of a strong relationship.

2) Show understanding

Empathy is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and I’ve seen its power firsthand.

A few years ago, I found myself in a situation where my partner and I were constantly at odds.

It felt like we were speaking different languages. We kept misunderstanding each other, and it was causing a lot of tension.

One day, instead of just airing my frustrations, I decided to try a different approach.

I sat down with my partner and said, “I can see that you’re upset and I want to understand why. Can you help me understand your perspective?”

The change was immediate.

Instead of getting defensive, they opened up about their feelings and concerns.

We were able to have a productive conversation that led us to understand each other better and find common ground.

In psychology, this is called empathetic listening or active listening. It’s about showing genuine interest in understanding the other person’s perspective.

As a result, when people feel understood, they’re more likely to reciprocate the same respect and understanding towards your needs.

3) Positive reinforcement

Behavioral psychologists have long recognized the power of positive reinforcement in shaping behavior.

When your partner does something that you appreciate or meets your needs in a significant way, acknowledge it.

Show your appreciation and gratitude because this will not only make them feel valued but also encourage them to repeat the behavior.

Interestingly, studies have shown that relationships where partners regularly express appreciation towards each other are more likely to thrive.

In a nutshell, expressing gratitude can strengthen your bond and increase overall satisfaction in your relationship.

It’s a simple trick that can have profound effects.

4) Be patient

Patience is a virtue, especially when it comes to relationships.

Sometimes, getting what you need in a relationship doesn’t happen overnight. It may take time for your partner to understand and meet your needs.

And that’s perfectly okay.

People are different and what might seem obvious to you may not be so clear to your partner.

So, it’s important to give them the time and space they need to process and act on your needs.

Being patient shows your partner that you respect them and their pace. It also fosters a more peaceful and understanding relationship environment.

5) Practice reciprocity

In the realm of relationships, reciprocity is more than just a principle; it’s a necessity.

If you want something from your partner, be prepared to give something in return. It’s all about balance.

You see, a one-sided relationship where only one person’s needs are being met can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction.

That means that if you’re asking for more quality time together, be ready to compromise on something your partner values.

Maybe it’s giving them space to enjoy their hobbies or supporting them in their work.

Ultimately, by practicing reciprocity, you create a give-and-take dynamic that ensures both partners’ needs are being considered and respected.

6) Express your love

At the heart of every relationship is the bond of love. It’s what ties us together, through good times and bad.

Here’s the thing: When asking for what you need, don’t forget to express your love for your partner.

Make them feel cherished and valued.

This doesn’t necessarily mean grand gestures or expensive gifts, but rather genuine expressions of love and affection.

Just tell them how much they mean to you and show them that their happiness matters to you as much as your own.

Wondering why this is important? 

By expressing your love, you create a safe and loving environment where both partners feel comfortable sharing their needs.

In essence, it’s a beautiful thing to know that even when there are differences or tensions, love is the constant force that holds you together.

7) Be honest about your insecurities

There was a time when I struggled to ask for what I needed in a relationship. I found it hard to express my needs for fear of appearing weak or needy.

After some introspection, I realized that this fear was rooted in my own insecurities. I was afraid that if I expressed my needs, my partner would see me as less than perfect and perhaps love me less.

But hiding my insecurities and pretending to be “fine” didn’t do any good. It only created distance between us.

So, one day, I gathered the courage to be honest about my fears and insecurities.

To my surprise, not only did my partner not judge me, but they actually appreciated my honesty.

In the end, being vulnerable in this way can feel scary, but it can also be incredibly liberating. 

8) Create a safe space

Making your relationship a safe space for open and honest discussion is crucial.

This means creating an environment where both you and your partner can express your thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of judgment or criticism.

In other words, it’s about fostering trust and understanding.

In a safe space, you can freely discuss what you need from each other. You can negotiate, compromise, and find solutions that work for both of you.

Creating such an atmosphere requires:

  • Empathy
  • Patience
  • And respect

It may take time and effort, but the payoff is a stronger, more understanding relationship where both partners feel heard and valued.

9) Remember, it’s a partnership

At the end of the day, your relationship is a partnership.

It’s about both of you working together towards a common goal: mutual happiness and fulfillment.

This means that getting what you need in a relationship isn’t just about you—it’s about finding balance and ensuring that your partner’s needs are met as well.

The key?

Keep in mind that every partnership is unique, and what works for one couple might not work for another.

The key is to find what works best for you and your partner and to always approach each other with love, understanding, and respect.

Final thoughts

The dynamics of relationships are complex and multifaceted, often deeply intertwined with our psychology.

According to John Gottman, a renowned psychologist and relationship expert, the most important factor in relationship satisfaction is a deep sense of friendship.

This friendship is built on mutual respect, understanding, and the ability to meet each other’s needs.

This doesn’t mean that you and your partner will always agree or that your needs will always align perfectly.

What it does mean is that you have the ability to understand and accommodate each other’s needs in a way that strengthens your bond.

So whether it’s expressing your needs more clearly, showing understanding, or practicing patience and reciprocity, remember that these aren’t just tricks—they’re fundamental aspects of any healthy relationship.

They’re ways of fostering mutual respect and understanding, the very foundation of love.

As you navigate your relationship journey, keep these strategies in mind.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about getting what you need—it’s about building a partnership that brings happiness and fulfillment to both partners.

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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