It is one thing to love somebody. It is another thing entirely to make them feel loved.
The first is a feeling, the other an action. And ideally, your relationship ought to comprise both.
While some people think that expressing love is a monumental task – they imagine it must include expensive gifts, lavish holidays, or elaborate love letters (18 pages front and back) – more often than not, love is about the small and simple things that pile up over time, strengthening your attachment to one another.
So, what are they? Let’s have a look!
These are the 10 simple things you can do to make your partner more attached to you.
1) Offer to run small errands for them
The last time I fell in love, my partner went above and beyond to make me feel cared for. And I can honestly say this strengthened my attachment to him more than anything.
If I had a sweet tooth, he offered to go to the shops and grab my favorite snack.
If he was on his way to mine, he asked me if I needed any groceries or if I wanted him to bring some wine.
If he was in the city center and remembered that I needed some more shampoo, he popped into the store to make my life a little easier.
These are very small things in the large scheme of things, but trust me – they mean the world to your partner. This is because it’s not just the fact you got them something or ran an errand for them, it’s that you care about them so much you want them to be as comfortable and happy as possible.
2) Give them thoughtful compliments
What would romance be without compliments?
Pretty dry, right?
However, it’s not just the act of giving compliments that matters. It’s what you say and how you say it.
If you tell someone they have beautiful eyes, chances are that they’ve already heard it a thousand times before.
But what if you point out that very small and cute thing they do without even realizing it? What if you praise their qualities or the skills they’ve worked hard to acquire?
That’s another level entirely, my friend. Your partner will cherish those words for days, if not months.
3) Text them during the day to let them know you’re thinking about them
How often do you think about your partner and just… not tell them? It happens more often than you realize.
Of course, I’m not saying you should text them each time they pop into your head. That could be a bit too much, especially if it’s early days.
But sometimes, a text here and there is all it takes to make their day – especially if you’re very busy.
“Hey, I’m very busy at work but I just saw a crow and thought about our conversation yesterday and how beautiful you looked. Hope your day’s going well. X”
Simple, yet impactful.
4) Suggest activities for you to do together
This one requires a bit more effort, but it’s still quite simple in the big scheme of things.
Look, you don’t have to take your partner on an expensive date or for a luxurious weekend getaway.
All you need to do is spend some proper quality time together – and I’m not talking about watching Netflix and eating take-out.
Here are just a few ideas for how to connect on a deeper level:
- Play a boardgame or a video game together
- Go on a walk in nature
- Bake or cook together
- Learn to do funny dances (such as TikTok trends or High School Musical dancing routines)
- Ask each other deep questions you’ve found on the internet
- Find a hobby you both really like, for example bouldering, crocheting, or hiking
- Sing karaoke together
Remember that experiences are incredibly important in relationships. Talking only goes so far. Often, it is the activities you do together that truly strengthen your connection.
5) Take an interest in your partner’s hobbies
It’s completely okay not to have the same interests as your partner. You’re not the same person, after all, and sometimes, it’s nice to have a part of your life to yourself.
But taking an interest in your partner’s passions from time to time truly goes a long way.
If they love writing, read some of their stories and offer thoughtful feedback.
If they like to climb, join them for a session or two just to see what it is they love about it so much.
You don’t have to turn into a gamer just because your partner likes Minecraft, but if you occasionally show some level of interest, your partner will see your effort as an attempt to connect with them and learn more about them, and they’ll appreciate the fact that you’re *trying* more than anything.
6) Be supportive of their goals and dreams
Similarly, your partner’s goals play a huge role in their life overall, and the most loving thing you can do is to show that you’re rooting for them and believe in them.
When I started writing a book, it was my partner’s willingness to read the manuscript, give me feedback, and show his support that made me feel truly loved.
He said I could make it as an author, and his belief in my capabilities helped me grow in confidence as a result. A few years later, I got a book deal.
All you need to say is, “You’re very capable. I know you can make it.”
A few words. That’s all it takes.
7) Become their safe place
While your partner is busy chasing after their dreams, they will occasionally encounter an obstacle. Sometimes, they will fail. And sometimes, your support or the lack thereof will make a world of difference.
Show up for them. Become someone who symbolizes comfort, not conflict. Be their home and their safe place.
The easiest way to do that is to treat them with respect and kindness. If they do something frustrating, don’t flip out – have a calm discussion instead. If they don’t quite reach their goals, tell them that they can try again and that you’re proud of them no matter what.
Your role is to provide them with a feeling of safety and stability. Once you become someone they can always rely on, their attachment will grow rapidly.
8) Show them you’re a team
The next simple thing on our list is to shift your attitude.
I know, I know. It sounds easier than it actually is.
Well… unless you break it down into actionable steps.
The truth is that the moment you enter a relationship, you’ve become a part of a team. You’re no longer two individuals vibing together – you’re now sharing a big part of your life together, especially if you’re at an age where marriage and cohabiting are on the cards.
In order to increase your partner’s attachment, you first have to be serious about *your* attachment to *them*. Once that’s done, show your commitment by:
- Speaking in “we” instead of “I” terms
- Talking about your future together
- Discussing important decisions with them
- Prioritizing the relationship when it matters
- Working on the relationship’s issues to show your partner you’re in it for the long run
9) Surprise them (in non-disruptive ways)
When people say they hate surprises, they’re mostly talking about big events they haven’t had the time to prepare for.
If you tell your significant other not to go to work the next day because you’re taking them on a holiday to Cuba, they may not take it all that well because as exciting as Cuba sounds, they can’t just disappear from work on such short notice.
But almost everyone appreciates small, non-disruptive surprises.
Tidy the whole house before they come home and watch their face light up.
Buy them a snack in the supermarket when they’re feeling low.
Surprise them with a “spa day” by giving them a massage and drawing them a relaxing bath with candles and a nice bath bomb.
A small surprise can really lift your partner’s spirits.
10) Ask them about their day and listen with intent
Do you know what the simplest thing you can do is?
That’s literally it. When you show an interest in something as “boring” as someone’s work routine, you’re letting them know that no matter how ordinary their lives are, you care.
You want to hear all about the feud your girlfriend has with Georgina or the yummy sandwich your boyfriend had for lunch. Not because it’s inherently fascinating but because it’s their life, and you strive to be a part of it.
As a result, your partner will feel heard and understood. And if there’s one foolproof way to strengthen their attachment to you… this is it.