Paul Brian
There are relationships that can’t be saved.
It’s a horrible thing to hear, and a horrible thing to realize.
But the bottom line is that if you’ve broken up and you want your ex back you need to know whether there’s any chance or whether she’s gone forever.
Here’s a guide.
12 unfortunate signs you’ve lost her forever
1) She doesn’t answer your texts or calls
We’ve all been there: we’re really into someone and they stop returning our texts and calls.
It feels awful and it can be a very confusing experience.
If you’ve broken up with a woman and she’s doing this to you, it’s important not to become obsessive and chase her.
If there’s any chance that she will come back to you or be interested in dating again, it will not be because you convince her through long or repetitive texts or calls.
If she is not returning your texts and calls and it’s been more than a few weeks you need to accept the hard realization that she’s gone for good.
This is one of the hardest signs you’ve lost her forever, because it can be tempting to think that keeping pushing will eventually produce results.
The truth is that if she doesn’t want to be with you and won’t talk to you, there’s nothing you can do about that other than accept it.
2) She’s emotionally exhausted with you
Emotional exhaustion is very real and it can be a final dealbreaker in relationships.
If you’ve been in a relationship with a girl that frayed her emotions and got on her last nerve, then don’t look for a do-over.
Women who get emotionally exhausted and depleted by their partners reach a certain limit where they just won’t go back for another round.
If she’s told you and indicated to you that she’s reached that point, you need to take it seriously and accept it.
Whether it’s fair or not, this girl has had enough of being together with you and she’s pulling the plug for good.
It sucks, but it is what it is…
“There’s nothing more you could say or do to make her believe in you anymore.
“She’s put in her time.
“And now her heart is too tired for this.”
3) Want advice specific to your situation?
While this article explores the main signs you’ve lost her forever, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like losing the woman you love. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
4) She tells you that you traumatized and hurt her badly beyond repair
Relationships are like a crucible. They can bring out the best and worst in us.
They can also dredge up a lot of trauma and hard times from the past, leading us back into unhealthy and destructive emotional patterns.
Relationships tend to bring out insecurities and self-sabotage, especially because we become vulnerable to someone we care about.
That’s why it hurts so much more when they let us down or betray us in some way.
If a girl tells you that you’ve emotionally hurt her really badly and brought up issues from the past, then you need to tap the brakes.
When she walks away from you for reasons like this, then it’s not the starting point for another try.
It’s not just the end of this chapter of your romance novel, it’s the end of the book…
5) She felt unappreciated by you and it triggered her
No relationship is perfect, obviously. But some are better than others.
And some people are readier to be in a relationship than others.
One of the biggest signs you’ve lost her forever is that she felt you didn’t appreciate you and got triggered.
You weren’t ready to commit and that’s why you lost her.
It could be an unfair accusation, or it could be true. Maybe you were going through a lot on your own as well.
Whatever the reason for it, not paying attention to your partner can be a very hard thing to fix. Once it’s done, it’s done…
The emotional damage has already collapsed your relationship…
“You will say that you would be willing to do whatever it takes to get her back. But none of it is going to be enough.
“You had your chance with her and you just blew it. And it’s during that time wherein you will realize just how much you have lost.”
6) You treated her as a fallback option and now she’s gone for good
There’s a disease spreading around the relationship world that’s becoming more and more common.
It’s called “benching.”
This is more commonly associated with guys, but I can guarantee you there are women who do it too…
How it works is that you date someone but also keep lines of communication (and flirting) open with other girls at the same time.
Then, when one girl gets stale or annoyed with you, you simply scale up your interactions with someone on your roster.
If you’re dating a girl who’s more like a fallback option to you and she finds out, she’s not going to recover from that.
Even if she keeps her temper in check, she’ll permanently see you as a player.
If you’re benching girls, you’re playing with fire.
7) There’s no one thing you did wrong, but a steady accumulation of things
Sometimes a relationship went sour and you can see exactly why.
You can pinpoint the moment you lost her and then take steps to make that up to her and get her back.
But one of the top signs you’ve lost her forever is when you look at a relationship that’s failing and see that there is no “one” thing.
It’s just…everything.
Your connection isn’t working out and you’ve let her down so much you might as well be an elevator.
Now it’s too late, and she’ll be out of your life for good.
“You lost her bit by bit. It didn’t happen overnight. It wasn’t one big thing that drove you apart, it was millions of little things that accumulated over time,” writes Owen Scott at HerWay.
“It was one disappointment after another. The last thing you did was just the tip of the iceberg.”
8) You’re a hopeless romantic and won’t accept that there’s no chance
Being a hopeless romantic can be really disillusioning. As a younger man, I would meet girls in passing and desperately wish to talk to them more, only to be too shy, or to do so once there was no time left.
For example, at the end of a school year for someone I’d met now and then but never talked to before then…
Or on a bus route with a girl I’d liked for months on the last day before her bus pass ended and she went home for the year to France…
And so on…
It’s important to do our best to build self-confidence, but also to recognize when you’re building something up into too much inside your head.
When you meet a girl who seems really special but the situation has no grounds for something lasting, it’s important not to get lost in daydreams.
Some of us who are sensitive and imaginative people get too swept up into our fantasies…
As Frank James says in this video, being a hopeless romantic is very difficult and will “destroy your life”:
9) You expected everything from her but gave nothing in return
One-sided relationships are dealbreakers.
If you were treating a girl as an emotional and physical vending machine and not giving back, then she’s going to eventually get tired of it.
And when a woman reacts against this kind of treatment, she reacts with finality.
She won’t be back, because any self-respecting lady wants a man who sees her and gives to her.
She wants someone who actually cares about her and knows how to show it.
“She loves you unconditionally and without ever holding back. She was ready to do the same for you,” notes Katie Burns.
“But she stopped herself before you got the best of her. Because she saw you aren’t worth it. She realized you’ll only break her and you’re only going to take her love and use it but never give anything in return.”
10) She felt invisible to you and lost her feelings towards you
When somebody feels overlooked it can feel very awful. It’s like you don’t exist.
When that person who you feel invisible to is somebody you love it’s even worse…
That’s how a woman feels when you ignore her.
And when she has to remind you of everything she says and do things constantly to get your attention, eventually she will lose patience and disappear forever…
As Sherif writes of losing the love of his life:
“Lately I got busy and I didn’t take good care of her as I once did; I didn’t tell her how beautiful she is that often;
“I stopped cleaning her up; she needed new accessories but I was too busy doing my job; she didn’t feel the same love I once had towards her.”
11) Your relationship was toxic and codependent
Codependent relationships are unfortunately quite common. They rely on people who want to “fix” someone or be “fixed.”
Both revolve around this obsession of finding someone who completes us in some way.
It’s an endless search for the holy grail that’s actually inside us all along.
And when we find out that this outer search for completion won’t work, it leads to broken relationships that don’t recover.
In some cases, this can actually be a positive thing, as it forces us to confront those unresolved traumas and dependencies that are holding us back from empowerment.
“This is why when we begin to evolve and become a better person, we drift away from people who no longer serve us well or don’t support us,” explains relationship writer Natasha Adamo.
12) She told you straight up she’s never coming back and blocked you
By this point, we’ve come full circle back to the start.
If you’re not having your calls, texts or messages returned, then you need to accept that you’ve lost her forever.
This is especially true if your attempts to contact her have resulted in you being blocked and in her telling you specifically that she does not want to be with you and no longer has feelings for you.
There is no way to get someone back when they have made a final decision not to be with you.
Will she change her mind in five years? Who knows, but it is very unlikely, and holding onto love in this kind of a fixated way is unhealthy and damaging to your wellbeing.
It’s important to accept that this woman you love is gone.
If she’s told you she’s gone and she’s blocked you then you must accept it, no matter how hard it is to stomach.
How to get over love and loss
The British poet Alfred Lord Tennyson has a famous line that’s often repeated about heartbreak.
Tennyson wrote: “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
I believe Tennyson was right.
Losing someone you love is a gut punch that can hurt for months or even years. It can leave you on your knees, lost and reduced to rubble.
But one day at a time you can pull through and find that strength and love inside yourself that you never thought you had.
In retrospect, you will one day see that the person you became was partly built by the heartbreaks that you thought had destroyed you.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it and say that love will eventually work out, or that breakups are always just a “stepping stone.” Some breakups can really cut you down and smash your hope for the future.
But you need to keep going and let them make you stronger. Think of the incompatibilities of the girl you love and the times she treated you like dirt.
Would you really want this person as your partner? Don’t you deserve better?
The best way to get over losing love is to simply do your best to find your passion, get in flow, and continue to try your best in life despite the pain.
