Alexandra Plesa
Finding your life partner feels like searching for a needle in a haystack.
You date, get your heart broken, choose the wrong person, learn valuable lessons along the way.
Rinse and repeat.
Even when you end up with someone you care about deeply, how can you be sure they’re “the one?”
Sorry to break it to you, but you can’t.
That said, there are things you can look out for to assess whether you two can make it in the long run.
Here are 10 signs you’ve found your life partner, according to psychology
Love usually isn’t enough.
1) You feel comfortable being yourself around them
One of the strongest indicators that you’ve found your life partner is that you can be 100% yourself when they’re around.
You know that they accept you just as you are, flaws included.
They don’t simply tolerate your shortcomings; they find them adorable.
And while there might be things about you that get on their nerves, they’ve made peace with that.
When you’re with them, you’re free to express your true self.
You don’t have to tiptoe, you don’t fear sharing your weird thoughts, and you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not just to please them.
Must be nice.
2) You don’t want to change them
Not only does your partner accept the real you, but you return the favor.
According to psychology, feeling understood and appreciated significantly influences long-term relationship satisfaction.
Have you ever dated someone and thought – they’re nice, sure, yet I wish they were more proactive/romantic/insert adjective here?
Then, you proceeded to try and mold them into a more proactive or romantic version of themselves, only to realize that your efforts have been futile.
When partners accept each other as they are, they create a magical cocoon where both individuals feel safe to express themselves freely.
This authenticity is vital for a healthy relationship because it allows each person to speak their truth without fear of judgment.
No one wants to spend a lifetime wearing a mask or bending over backward to earn their partner’s approval.
And they shouldn’t have to.
3) You respect each other
Respect is crucial in any relationship, and it’s especially vital with a life partner.
Mutual respect means valuing each other’s opinions, feelings, and boundaries.
It involves actively listening to your boo’s point of view, even when you disagree with them.
This respect creates a nurturing environment where both partners can thrive.
Without it, your relationships become one-sided or toxic.
One of you will suffer.
Maybe not today, but eventually.
4) Your values align
While opposites may attract, long-term compatibility hinges on shared values and similar long-term goals.
When I think about how I want my life to look 30 years from now, I picture a small but cute house, a few chickens, a lot of books, and occasional travel.
More importantly, a whole lot of quiet.
My life partner’s vision has to be similar to that.
I can maybe give him a pass on the chickens. But if he wants a big, loud house full of kids and grandkids, I’m not the girl for him.
I’ve tried to date guys who wanted different things from me. It can work out in the short term, but you end up disappointed.
And with your heart broken into about 28 pieces that are difficult to stitch back together.
Psychologists point out that while one partner can influence the other, your values and goals should ideally overlap.
Don’t compromise on the things that matter most to you.
5) You have a strong emotional connection
Having a strong emotional connection is another sign you’ve found your life partner.
Your bond goes well beyond physical attraction.
You share your hopes, dreams, and fears with each other, creating a strong sense of intimacy.
Sometimes, you feel like you can read your partner’s mind.
You look at them and know, deep down, what they’re feeling or thinking about.
In short, you’re on the same emotional wavelength – and it’s beautiful.
6) You have chemistry
While your bond should go beyond physical attraction, it’s a good sign when that undeniable spark is there in the early stages.
If you and your partner have good physical chemistry, consider yourselves lucky. There are countless benefits to having good sex.
And while the flame might sizzle over time, the passion you felt in the initial stages can always be rekindled.
But if physical intimacy is important to you and things never seem to go smoothly in that area, no matter how much you both try, it’s possible you haven’t found “the one” just yet.
Deep down, you already know what’s what.
7) You communicate effectively
According to psychology, any good relationship should prioritize communication.
If you already excel at it, you and your boo are on the right track.
As for what effective communication looks like, here are a few green flags:
- Conversations between you flow easily
- You can discuss anything, from daily trivialities to significant life decisions
- You both know how to make the other feel heard
- You both express your emotions openly, without fear of judgment
- You can provide feedback in a positive, non-accusatory manner
- You set aside regular times to discuss the relationship and any concerns
Contrary to popular opinion, good communication doesn’t mean you never fight.
That brings me to my next point.
8) You fight well
While non-stop conflict is worrisome, occasional spars are to be expected within every couple.
And if you know how to handle conflict productively, fighting is a good thing, according to psychology.
It can bring you closer together.
The key to achieving that is to act like a team.
You’re not fighting to win, you’re collaborating to find a mutually beneficial solution to your problem.
Does that sound like you?
If the answer is yes, you’re on target.
9) You enjoy spending time together
I’m a strong believer in the fact that successful couples should be friends, as well as lovers.
In fact, studies suggest that couples who are best friends have happier marriages.
Your life partner can’t possibly meet all your needs, and it’s natural (and recommended) to have friends outside the relationship.
However, you should at least enjoy spending time with your significant other and engage in activities that bring both of you joy.
Growing up, many adults gravitating around me seemed to have nothing in common with their spouses.
They complained about them, preferred to spend time away from them, and rarely appeared content when attending events together.
I never got that.
Whether you’re embarking on grand adventures or enjoying a quiet evening at home, spending time together with your boo should feel enjoyable.
If it doesn’t now, how can you be sure that it will in the future?
10) You respect each other’s independence
Finally, a big sign you’ve found your life partner is that you respect each other’s independence.
You like to do things together, but you still devote time to your separate hobbies or interests.
You have common goals, but each of you has individual goals you would like to accomplish, hopefully with your partner’s support.
You don’t need to spend every single minute together to feel loved, and you have no problem giving each other space when needed.
A true life partner inspires you to grow and improve in various aspects of your life.
They don’t keep you hostage.
Bottom line
Finding your life partner is about more than just romance.
It’s about building a foundation of mutual respect, compatible values, and emotional support.
Sharing your “happily ever after” with someone is no walk in the park.
You’ll both change along the way. You’ll fight, experience hardship, make mistakes.
But if the foundation is strong, you can survive anything.
It’s going to be an exciting adventure, that’s for sure.
